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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that Snapchat = cheating?

69 replies

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:27

If a man has 5 Snapchat chats, active in the last month, all with women, none of whom his partner knows of... how dodgy is this? None of the names appear in WhatsApp or text logs, only Snapchat being used for these.

Some backstory- None of the usual clues for cheating, everything (apparently) fine in relationship, however, has had form for being morally ambiguous in previous relationships and has a mildly sordid side he likes to keep for himself. This has been mostly harmless, however now with Snapchat I am thinking twice. He works away Mon - Thurs all over the country, in his company's branch office in that area for anywhere from 1 - 12 weeks. He goes around most of them, so knows the people working there in that capacity. 90% of the people working in these offices are women.

The doubt originated bout 6 months ago when I was looking for a website he'd visited on his phone in his history, and came across some porn and Facebook pages of profiles of women (he has a profile, which he had reactivated after a long break, with only 6 close friends and family as friends - but says he never uses, and isn't interested in). I also looked at Snapchat (because, obvs) and there were women's names in the log but obviously no chats as they expire. Unpleasant, not worryingly so at this point, but has sown a tiny seed from the doubt tree. So when I saw he was active on Facebook last week, when he was away with work in his hotel room, I resolved to have a look when he came back. See paragraph 1.

What does the Mumsnet oracle think?

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Auspiciouspanda · 15/08/2017 12:29

So he's using an app to talk to women that deletes the message after you've looked at it? Yeah that's definitely dodgy.

IdentifiesAsASloth · 15/08/2017 12:32

I don't really know much about Snapchat. Can you tell who has been messaging who? I know there are some people who send a snap to anyone on the list, could that be the case here?

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 15/08/2017 12:35

Certainly sounds like he's up to something and he knows you can't catch him out with Snapchat because it deletes what you send to each other and the whole Facebook thing sounds dodgy to me as well.

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:35

I'm not familiar with it either. Let me try to obscure the names and post the pic I took. Maybe Mumsnetters can help...

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IdentifiesAsASloth · 15/08/2017 12:37

Are they the same women as the Ines he was checking out on fbook?

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:40

Here it is

AIBU to think that Snapchat = cheating?
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fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:42

I can't remember if they're the same women tbh, it was 6 months ago. I know he follows one of them on Twitter, but she has no profile pic, no tweets or pics and only him following her and 1 other person. He follows another on Instagram.

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StickThatInYourPipe · 15/08/2017 12:42

If you hold the received ones down I think you can rewatch them

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:45

Are Snapchats all videos or can you send pics and text too?

I read that holding down saves a snap that hasn't expired?

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sunnywithadashofgin · 15/08/2017 12:46

Well he has received more than he has sent. You can send pics, vids and messages. I think there is a time limit for viewing, I just held down my received again and nothing there to replay. I do think it is concerning personally.

wafflesandicecream · 15/08/2017 12:47

Pics texts and videos. The middle one ( triangle) was a video or picture, the others where texts

Justdontknow4321 · 15/08/2017 12:50

I use snapchat all the time.

Blue boxes means conversations so he's actually talking to them on there.

You won't be able to reply it, but if he's sent a picture to them or the other way round and he's saved it then click on the conversation to open it and scroll up, saved pictures will appear. If nothing's been saved then you won't be able to see anything.

Does any of the chats have emoji symbols next to them ?

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:51

Thanks Waffles. So in the case of the arrow/triangle icon, he sent her a pic or video?

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MemoriesOfAnotherFuture · 15/08/2017 12:51

Those were all texts because they're blue. Pictures are red, videos are purple. The Square means he received it. The triangle means he sent it. If the Square/triangle are filled in it hasn't been opened. Those ones are outlines which means they've been opened.

Justdontknow4321 · 15/08/2017 12:52

The middle one wasn't a video, it was chat but whoever opened it didn't reply so they opened it and then the convo finished. Hence the arrow.

Square boxes means he's opened it and didn't reply (end of convo etc)

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:53

Theres nothing saved Justdontknow, all conversations are empty. And no emoji symbols- I only obscured names.

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vikingprincess81 · 15/08/2017 12:53

Are they names or nicknames? I use snapchat with my kids, so know how it works - so the ones that say opened are messages I've sent them and they've opened. That 3rd one down is a message he sent her and she's received and opened. Sorry, know that doesn't help other then to confirm it's not just them sending him messages, he's responding. Could be completely innocent however, but if you're looking through his phone then sounds like you're not convinced. How would he react if you asked him?

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:56

Ah, great info, thanks Justdontknow and Memories.

Seems the consensus is that something shitty is afoot.

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WasabiNell · 15/08/2017 12:57

Are Snapchats all videos or can you send pics and text too?

The triangle is an instant pic or video he has sent. That has been opened but not replied to.

The squares are part of the chat feature. You can send messages, pics or videos. The empty square means he's sent something and it's been opened and not replied to. I would want to know what has been sent. I'm NOT saying this is the case but I've had dick pictures sent to me privately on snapchat and I'd open but not reply (just delete/ block the sender).

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:58

Thanks Viking. I don't know, I suppose his reaction would depend on what the fuck he's playing at.

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GunnyHighway · 15/08/2017 12:59

So we're ok with snooping through people's private conversions then?

WasabiNell · 15/08/2017 12:59

Square boxes means he's opened it and didn't reply (end of convo etc)

Oh no wait I think that's right actually..

I would still want to clarify what's been said on snapchat though. Can you approach him about it?

WasabiNell · 15/08/2017 13:01

So we're ok with snooping through people's private conversions then?

I found out my ex was cheating on me for a year when I went snooping. I'm glad I did or I might never have found out. I don't think people snoop without any reason generally.. And I'd be fine if a partner went on my phone if it helped reassured them, I don't have anything to hide.

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 13:01

So even a blue chat bubble could be a pic or vid sent in chat, rather than text?

I REALLY fucking want to know what's been sent but there's no way of knowing is there? He could feed me whatever bollocks he wants.

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OhhBetty · 15/08/2017 13:02

No one can really say. I use snapchat to speak to loads of my friends. I'm definitely not shagging all of them!

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