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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that Snapchat = cheating?

69 replies

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 12:27

If a man has 5 Snapchat chats, active in the last month, all with women, none of whom his partner knows of... how dodgy is this? None of the names appear in WhatsApp or text logs, only Snapchat being used for these.

Some backstory- None of the usual clues for cheating, everything (apparently) fine in relationship, however, has had form for being morally ambiguous in previous relationships and has a mildly sordid side he likes to keep for himself. This has been mostly harmless, however now with Snapchat I am thinking twice. He works away Mon - Thurs all over the country, in his company's branch office in that area for anywhere from 1 - 12 weeks. He goes around most of them, so knows the people working there in that capacity. 90% of the people working in these offices are women.

The doubt originated bout 6 months ago when I was looking for a website he'd visited on his phone in his history, and came across some porn and Facebook pages of profiles of women (he has a profile, which he had reactivated after a long break, with only 6 close friends and family as friends - but says he never uses, and isn't interested in). I also looked at Snapchat (because, obvs) and there were women's names in the log but obviously no chats as they expire. Unpleasant, not worryingly so at this point, but has sown a tiny seed from the doubt tree. So when I saw he was active on Facebook last week, when he was away with work in his hotel room, I resolved to have a look when he came back. See paragraph 1.

What does the Mumsnet oracle think?

OP posts:
vikingprincess81 · 15/08/2017 13:25

It'll take you to this page.Had to crop out all my pics but the rest of that page is pics I've sent/saved

AIBU to think that Snapchat = cheating?
TipTopTipTopClop · 15/08/2017 13:26

TipTopTipTopClop that's really surprised me! I'm 27 and the vast majority of my friends use it!

But why? I isn't the point that the text disappears? What if you need to check back, e.g. 'I wonder what time we're meeting for dinner' or similar?

sabbath84 · 15/08/2017 13:27

Place marking as I'm about to go out and do t want to forget to reply properly later, had experience of this recently and want to give my 2 cents.

vikingprincess81 · 15/08/2017 13:30

Late 30s here Blush but use it mostly with my kids and to send abuse to my dh when I'm bored at work
You can save conversations if you've made plans Grin

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 13:30

Viking, thanks, I've noted that for when I can next look at his phone.

OP posts:
StickThatInYourPipe · 15/08/2017 13:31

I don't know a single adult who has snap chat. It seems completely bizarre that a grown man would be interested in it, apart from reasons you suspect

I have it and I'm a full grown adult! I love it and deffo not for this reason! Me and a few friends send each other stupid faces. It's great for checking in with people when you can't be arsed to get into a full conversation

Birdsgottafly · 15/08/2017 13:31

Both my DDs are very active on SC, both not cheating and have male friends.

I, as a 50 year old Woman couldn't cope with the insular life a lot of posters on here want their BF/DPs to live.

I also want a level of privacy and we are all entitled to, that many posters would deny their Partners.

fizzysister · 15/08/2017 13:36

I don't want him to lead an insular life, I just want him to not sneak around using apps that are prime for cheats.

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 15/08/2017 13:40

I also want a level of privacy and we are all entitled to, that many posters would deny their Partners

Me too, I agree.
I think their point is that if you suspect cheating then checking up is justified, which may be understandable I suppose, However. I am surprised though that people think it is ok to check their partner's phones/ web history generally on the basis that they shouldn't have anything to hide.

OnionKnight · 15/08/2017 13:45

I don't want him to lead an insular life, I just want him to not sneak around using apps that are prime for cheats.

The reputation that Snapchat has is undeserved IMHO.

StickThatInYourPipe · 15/08/2017 13:47

I don't want him to lead an insular life, I just want him to not sneak around using apps that are prime for cheats*

The reputation that Snapchat has is undeserved IMHO

It's not the reputation I have really heard about over he past few years either

vikingprincess81 · 15/08/2017 13:47

Knowing how to do things doesn't equal snooping. I trust Mr Viking, and he and I will happily hand our phones over if asked (which in the past 14 years had been never)
If someone suspects their partner is cheating though, and that has repercussions (problems with shared finances/children/transmission of STIs) then yeah, protecting yourself is a good thing.

timeisnotaline · 15/08/2017 13:49

What if you said me and bf are using this Snapchat thing, you should get it! Here , I'll install it for you :D. Bf would need priming of course and you guys would have to exhange some stupid messages...

mastfest · 15/08/2017 13:52

Aren't all social apps prime for cheats? If you snoop there's no trust regardless of what he's doing, you're not snooping to find out if you can or can't trust him, you already don't so what are you hoping to find?

mastfest · 15/08/2017 13:53

Oh, btw, my husband and I also use snapchat. Sometimes we send snaps to each other. Other times we talk to other people, you know, like reasonable folk do.

Justdontknow4321 · 15/08/2017 13:55

If there's no emojis next to them then he isn't chatting to whoever they are a lot or very often - I use it and a lot of my convos have emojis next to them as they come up as friends. He could of also cleared the whole feed so the fact he didn't might show its innocent ? I'm not sure, I don't necessary think using snapchat = cheating.
I use it a lot and it's how I chat to my best mate actually, I also chat to male friends on there and it's not because the convo deletes it's just some people use it more then others. Just ask him, see what his reaction is!

loobyloo1234 · 15/08/2017 13:58

I don't know a single adult who has snap chat. It seems completely bizarre that a grown man would be interested in it, apart from reasons you suspect

Confused Im a grown adult who uses it. As do most of my friends

Anyway, yes to what Viking said. Memories at the bottom should bring up any snaps he has saved.

It does sound a little dodgy though OP. Hope you get to the bottom of it

Justdontknow4321 · 15/08/2017 14:02

Tiptop- I'm also a grown adult that use it.

Yes blue conversations can also mean a video or pictures have been sent. They would have to be Pre saved in the gallery the above poster mentioned tho.

OhhBetty · 15/08/2017 14:15

TipTopTipTopClop ah see that isn't a problem amongst my friends as we're too poor to go out for dinner Grin We messge each other pointlessly most of the time! Just general/funny chat or funny pics or whatever. We brighten each other's days. I'd go insane without them all!

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