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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance aibu

74 replies

Newtothis2017 · 19/07/2017 20:28

So let me start by saying we are not talking about a lot of money.

I was adopted at birth. I have been in contact with my birth mother for the last 20 years. Her parents died 2 years ago and the estate has just been settled. Her parents wanted nothing to do with me as a baby or adult.

She has divided the inheritance left to the grandchildren between us ( 3 of them and me) all equally.

I don't know how i feel about this.

Would you keep the money? Give it back? Or pass it on to your own kids?

I am not talking about a life changing amount of money... more a weekend away.

Tia

OP posts:

Owlettecatboy · 19/07/2017 20:31

to you. Keep it. She wanted you to have it.

Rhubarbtart9 · 19/07/2017 20:31

You're entitled to that cash. Yes keep it and do something completely frivolous with it. Something you'd never normally consider.

Somerville · 19/07/2017 20:34

I think you should perhaps put it in the bank and take some time to think about it. You could ultimately spend it, save it for your own kids, or donate it to charity if you decide you don't want it.

Original poster

Newtothis2017 · 19/07/2017 20:34

Thank you both for your responses. I feel like i should be giving it back but would like to keep it and treat myself and my dh to a nice weekend away. Just dont know if i should give it back?

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 19/07/2017 20:35

I would think of it as a gift from your birth mother, rather than her parents. Presumably the estate was left to her, since you say she chose to divide it between the grandchildren. It's obviously important to her that you received your share, no matter what her parents thought.

So I say take it! If you want to spend it on your kids, that's up to you, or treat yourself if you want.

bridgetreilly · 19/07/2017 20:36

So I say take it! If you want to spend it on your kids, that's up to you, or treat yourself if you want.

Original poster

Newtothis2017 · 19/07/2017 20:37

My birth mother wants me to have it. But I am sure her parents wouldn't have wanted me to have it. They wanted nothing to do with me. Even when I went looking for my birth mother 20 years ago. They told my social worker to stop looking.

OP posts:

TeenAndTween · 19/07/2017 20:37

Your birth mum is doing something nice, so keep it, especially if your birth siblings are aware what's happening.

However it's not actually clear from your post whether your birth mum is actually following your grandparents will as that might depend on how it is worded.

Alittlepotofrosie · 19/07/2017 20:38

Keep it and treat yourself to a weekend away. Its a gift from your birth mother, not really anything to do with her parents. It was her money to give.

abbey44 · 19/07/2017 20:41

Sounds like your birth mother is a lot nicer (and fairer) person than her own parents were. She clearly wants to treat you all equally, and I think you should accept it in the spirit it's given, whether you save it, spend it on your children or yourself and DH.

gingergenius · 19/07/2017 20:42

Absolutely keep it. Consider it a (very small and completely inadequate but also extremely handy) financial apology. Enjoy a weekend away and don't not give it a second thought x

Chathamhouserules · 19/07/2017 20:42

Present from your birthmum. Treat yourself!

RiverTam · 19/07/2017 20:43

But it is not her parents' money. It is now your birth mother's money, to do with as she chooses. I think to refuse it would be a real slap in the face for your birth mother, as well as cutting your own nose off.

eddielizzard · 19/07/2017 20:44

your mum matters more than your grandparents surely? she loves you and wants you to have it. they left it to her and she's decided to give some to you. that's a very valuable acknowledgement of your place in the family and i would accept it if i were you.

go and treat yourself and your dh.

Troels · 19/07/2017 20:44

Enjoy it, she wanted you to have an equal share like the other grandchildren. Your birth mum sounds nicer than her parents.

Hissy · 19/07/2017 20:45

Your mum is defying them and their disgusting behaviour- she is doing the right thing

Take the money, its as much for your mum as anything

Perhaps they were the reason you were adopted, but she felt powerless to go against them.

She's supporting you now, let her do this.

eddielizzard · 19/07/2017 20:45

sorry, should have said birth mother not mum, since that's how you refer to her.

mummmy2017 · 19/07/2017 20:45

Use it, as it's money your mum wants you to have, it shows she seems you as an equal to the others, and means she gets the FINAL say over her parents. which I think may be important to her.

crazykitten20 · 19/07/2017 20:45

But I am sure her parents wouldn't have wanted me to have it

Then don't take it. What's the problem? I'm sure your mother will love you regardless

TeenAndTween · 19/07/2017 20:46

River I don't think that's clear.

GPs may have said 'I leave everything to BM', and BM is redistributing, which is all fine.
OR
GPs may have said 'I leave £3k to be divided between the GC' in which case, legally the OP shouldn't inherit (I think?), so if BM is acting as executor and instead of 1k each the other 3 are only getting £750, then that could be an issue.

toosexyforyahshirt · 19/07/2017 20:47

Depends. Was the money willed specifically to be split between the granchildren? If so, legally speaking you are not one of the grandchildren and are not entitled to a share, and the person giving it to you would be liable for fraud.

Once you are legally adopted you are not legally your birth parents child nor their parents grandchild.

Patriciathestripper1 · 19/07/2017 20:47

what a lovely suprise for you. She wanted you to have it so do something nice and think of her when you do.

coddiwomple · 19/07/2017 20:48

I would keep it. It's your birth right, you are completely entitled to it.

You should have a lovely weekend. It can't always have been easy to be adopted - as opposed than living with your birth mother - so she tried to do something nice for you. It's a good thing.

Hassled · 19/07/2017 20:49

Presumably the money was left to the birth mother, who has now chosen to pass it on straight away rather than after her death. She sounds like a nice woman - and it's a gift from her, not from the grandparents. So take it as a gift from her and have a lovely weekend away.

toosexyforyahshirt · 19/07/2017 20:52

It's your birth right, you are completely entitled to it

but it isn't, and she's not. Sorry.

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