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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance aibu

74 replies

Newtothis2017 · 19/07/2017 20:28

So let me start by saying we are not talking about a lot of money.

I was adopted at birth. I have been in contact with my birth mother for the last 20 years. Her parents died 2 years ago and the estate has just been settled. Her parents wanted nothing to do with me as a baby or adult.

She has divided the inheritance left to the grandchildren between us ( 3 of them and me) all equally.

I don't know how i feel about this.

Would you keep the money? Give it back? Or pass it on to your own kids?

I am not talking about a life changing amount of money... more a weekend away.

Tia

OP posts:
MyPepper · 19/07/2017 21:29

But who says it's that money she is giving to you?
She can have used the money her parents gave her to do xxx. And then decide to match whatever the grandparents have left to their other children.
Or having done xxx, she might have realise that she actually has some money spare that she would be happy to give away as she doenst need it now (thanks to the inheritance).
In effect, you can't say it's the inheritance money. It is just HER money now.

Original poster
Newtothis2017 · 19/07/2017 21:30

Toosexy they did force the adoption and turned me away again when I was 20. They wanted me to disappear and stay that way. It hurt a lot when I was 20 to be rejected in that way. And if it wasn't for my mum and dad and their support I wouldn't have had the strength to find my birth mum

OP posts:
HicDraconis · 19/07/2017 21:31

Legally you aren't her child and aren't entitled to it.

But if your half sibs know and are happy about it, and it makes your mum happy to include you - and your GPs are dead now so can't be upset by it - have a weekend away :)

Maryz · 19/07/2017 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toosexyforyahshirt · 19/07/2017 21:41

Do you have the same inheritance rights if biological parents leave you money in a will?

If you are adopted you have no inheritance rights to your biological family. Legally you are a child of your adopted family and you have inheritance rights from them.
Your biological family can name you as a beneficiary to their wills in the same way they could any other related person though.

MintJulip · 19/07/2017 21:48

for goodness sake keep it - look on it as compensation for their awful behaviour!

and if it did pass to your dm then its her to give to you. however its done they are gone and go and do something nice with it.

Rhubarbtart9 · 19/07/2017 21:51

Take it as compensation for her awful behaviour.

Confused24 · 19/07/2017 21:54

It sounds like the money has been left to your mum and she has made the decision to share it between you all. If it was legally left to specific grandchildren she wouldn't be able to give it to you so see it as your mum has been left an inheritance so the money is now hers and it is her decision what she does with it and that it's a lovely gesture to divide it between her children

gluteustothemaximus · 19/07/2017 21:54

Your birth mum wants you to have it. Your half siblings are happy. The only ones who wouldn't be happy are dead.

Take the money, and enjoy it. I'm so glad things worked out for you, but your mum must be torn up with guilt. How lovely that you have a relationship now Smile

Topseyt · 19/07/2017 21:57

Your half siblings are happy for you to be included in the division of the money and it would make your birth mother very happy that at last she can acknowledge your status within her family.

Accept it and enjoy it.

KC225 · 19/07/2017 22:00

I also think you should take it as a nice gesture from you birth mother. The fact that she has divided the money equally says a lot - she wants you to be treated all the same. And maybe it's late act of defiance over her parents choices. Enjoy your weekend away

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 19/07/2017 22:02

If all are happy with it of course keep it.
Who knows maybe the grandparents were not happy when she got pregnant for whatever reason and may have been transferred that dislike on you... 😕
Just speculating but maybe your mum has her reasons why she's disregarding their wishes.

Ilovetolurk · 19/07/2017 22:10

I agree with somerville bank it and take some time to see how you feel about it

WeAreEternal · 20/07/2017 06:50

The money isn't from them, it's from your birth mum, she and your half siblings want you to have it.

I imagine they left the money to your birth mum to do with as she pleased, she has chosen to give her money to you and her other children.

Don't think of it as an inheritance from them, it's not, it's a gift from a birth mother who loves you.

Original poster
Newtothis2017 · 20/07/2017 07:07

Thanks for all your replies. I will put it away for now and then treat my family to something nice. I know my birth mum would be happy with that.

OP posts:
Screwinthetuna · 20/07/2017 07:10

Keep it!

Underthemoonlight · 20/07/2017 07:17

Your birth mum sounds lovely I'm guessing she was fairly young when she had you and her parents took over her decision making which tend to happen in those times. I think it's a lovely gesture that she intends on keeping all her DC equal. Treat yourself you deserve it.

supersop60 · 20/07/2017 07:43

If the money was left to the BM, then it is her money to do with as she chooses. If the money was left to the GC and they weren't named in the will, then OP is entitled to the money. I'm not sure what OP has to gain by refusing it. Win win!

toosexyforyahshirt · 20/07/2017 10:20

If the money was left to the GC and they weren't named in the will, then OP is entitled to the money

NO, she isn't. I'm not sure how much clearer to make this, you can google it easily if you don't believe me. When you are legally adopted you cease to be a legal child of your birth parents. You are no relation to them under the law, at all. You are no relation to the rest of the family, under the law.
IF the will stated " x money to be distributed amongst my grandchildren" this cannot include any children who were legally adopted by other families. They are not legally the grandchildren of the deceased.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/07/2017 10:27

Keep the money. There really isn't any need to tie yourself up in knots over this.

NCEndOfLifeDilemma · 20/07/2017 11:08

Keep it.

The dead are dead. They don't know, and can't care.

Your birth mum, OTOH, is alive and feels deeply enough about this to gift you the money alongside her other DC and get their blessing.

Don't prioritise the dead over the living.

DonutCone · 20/07/2017 11:16

I would keep it.

Your Mum is making an important point to you, that she sees you and your siblings as equal.

Whatever her parents felt. She clearly wants you to feel that you are not a 'second class' child for her. I think it's lovely.

OVienna · 21/07/2017 08:51

Adopted person here.
Your biological grandparents sound horrible- to your mum as much as you. Please let your mum do what she wants with their money. It sounds important to her. She wants you to have it. Keep it!

Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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