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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Beards

55 replies

bilbobaggi · 10/07/2017 13:07

Hello lovely Mumsnetters, my DH would like to get your opinions on beards, and more importantly if you think a man with a beard (regardless of skin colour or appearance) looks like a Muslim.

So my in laws are a completely different thread, I won't go into it here as it would be a novel. Put simply FIL is a bit of a bully and controlling, MIL is a doormat and DHs nan is a bitter old woman. DH has a fine beard, it makes him look rugged and manly IMO, he's had it a few years now and he's had nothing but grief from his family about it. To paint the picture he's built a bit like Tom Hardy (yes really!!) white, he now shaves his head as his hair was thinning and receding, and his beard is sort of gingery. He wears jeans/ shorts and a t shirt for casual or with a shirt and a waistcoat for smart.

So onto last Saturday at the family BBQ at his aunts house with his whole family. DH nan, nan sister and FIL spend the whole time digging into DH about his beard saying it makes him look like a Muslim, in fact FIL said he looked like the Westminster attacker. I find this not only horrid to DH but also deeply islamaphobic and nasty. DH was very upset that night. Today MIL has sent him a serious text saying they shouldn't of teased him but that he did look like a Muslim, and as there's a lot of anti- Muslim hate going around it was very likely he might get attacked. I think this is bonkers, there's loads of people with beards you surely don't see a beard and think Muslim?! It shouldn't even matter you shouldn't be making such stereotypical judgments of people! I think DH's family are just trying to exert control over him by trying to make him shave it off, either that or they are just loopy. I love his beard, he washes it daily (with special beard shampoo) trims it and puts beard oil on it so it's a nicely kept beard.

What does everyone think? AIBU in saying the beard should stay and the rest of them can do one?! DH loves his beard but it makes him feel insecure to be put under so much pressure like this!

OP posts:
RedStripeIassie · 10/07/2017 13:12

A dark skinned friend of mine grew a beard and shaved it off after it took him forever to get through security at airports to and from his homeland Sad. Sad but true that ignorant twats out there will judge.

I love a beard or short stubble. Dh hasn't been clean shaven for years!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/07/2017 13:13

His beard sounds good. His family sounds appalling. HTH.

gamerwidow · 10/07/2017 13:14

A man with a beard looks like a man with a beard. No other judgements.

MaidOfStars · 10/07/2017 13:15

If you are into stereotyping how a Muslim looks, white skin + ginger beard is not that stereotype.

missiondecision · 10/07/2017 13:17

A man with a beard looks like a man with a beard.

RainbowPastel · 10/07/2017 13:18

I personally hate beards. His family sound like racist pigs though.

junglebookisthebest · 10/07/2017 13:19

The issue is not the beard - its how your husband deals with his family who are a bunch of ignorant nasty pigs...
He'd be far better off dealing with his insecurity than trying to ask you and a bunch of strangers whether his beard looks 'muslim'.

bilbobaggi · 10/07/2017 13:24

Thanks everyone, we have said we might have to go N/C after this, it's just too much and their attitude in general is awful.

OP posts:
StoorieHoose · 10/07/2017 13:24

if you like it and he likes it, bugger everyone else! My DH has a lovely thick gingery beard which is a bit like Conor McGregors onces hes trimmed and oiled it.

White man with gingery beard does not look muslim

PenguinDi · 10/07/2017 13:25

I love the cultured caveman look my DP has a shortish beard and moustache, and as long as it's kept neat and tidy I have no problems with it. As for the inlaws they sound like racist bigots who take all their information from the daily mail, I have no time for people like that.

upperlimit · 10/07/2017 13:27

I am a big fan of beards. I've been in my element these past few years. I try to be aware that I am effectively objectifying men, that I clearly have some weird issues about hyper-masculinity and try very hard not to get distracted by thoughts about Vikings and Gladiators.

More on topic, you in-laws are twats.

Lj8893 · 10/07/2017 13:28

I love a beard, some people I suppose could look Muslim with a beard, but those same people probably look Muslim without a beard too. Doesn't matter though!

His family sound horrid.

BeckywiththeGoodHare · 10/07/2017 13:29

Well, Santa, Captain Birds Eye and Billy Connolly are well known Muslim agitators, to be fair.

No, wait.

SallyGinnamon · 10/07/2017 13:31

Agree. Would look just like a man with a beard. Loads of 'hipsters' have them.

Not my cup of tea but your DH is not expecting me to kiss him! Grin

MaidOfStars · 10/07/2017 13:33

I've been in my element these past few years. I try to be aware that I am effectively objectifying men, that I clearly have some weird issues about hyper-masculinity and try very hard not to get distracted by thoughts about Vikings and Gladiators

I've become a caricature.

GraceGrape · 10/07/2017 13:33

How ridiculous. I was out for lunch the other day and would say almost half the men had beards.

Blobby10 · 10/07/2017 13:36

Personally I hate beards AND stubble on any man over the age of about 25 and detest the current fashion for middle aged men to grow them but I do agree with others that your DH family sound horrible people - even if its their idea of 'fun' its still racist and horrible

fourquenelles · 10/07/2017 13:38

Shock! Horror! Not all Muslim men wear beards. I live very close to a big mosque and see many men going into pray whispers beardless. I also used to work in Bosnia and Herzegovina and Kurdistan and not all Muslim men wore beards there too.

I reckon its more likely OP that your DH would be taken for a hipster. My two stepsons have wonderful hipster beards. My late DH also grew a beard, it was soft and luxurious and I miss it.

nina2b · 10/07/2017 13:38

I dislike beards but like stubble! However, these people sound appalling and are racist to boot. Ugh
Your poor DH.

Groupie123 · 10/07/2017 13:42

Most moderate muslim men (ie the majority) don't wear beards. And even if they did a white man with a ginger beard is not going to fit into that stereotype anyway - it's why Islamic attacks by white men make the news so much.

BeckywiththeGoodHare · 10/07/2017 13:44

I think he's more likely to be mistaken for a lesser known Mumford, than a terrorist.

PickAChew · 10/07/2017 13:46

Your FIL is a dickhead. No amount of facial hair could hide that.

DH looks about as muslim as Bill Bailey, with his ginger beard.

fourquenelles · 10/07/2017 13:53

@BeckywiththeGoodHare there are NO lesser Mumfords Wink

huge Mumford fan

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 10/07/2017 13:55

My middle-aged DH with his gingery beard looks more like a campaigner for Real Ale than anything else. Your in-laws are ridiculous and offensive.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2017 13:57

Your in-laws are fucking morons. I love beards, and if your husband likes it then he should keep it. It's HIS face. Cut those horrid in-laws out of your life like a tumor.

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