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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Beards

55 replies

bilbobaggi · 10/07/2017 13:07

Hello lovely Mumsnetters, my DH would like to get your opinions on beards, and more importantly if you think a man with a beard (regardless of skin colour or appearance) looks like a Muslim.

So my in laws are a completely different thread, I won't go into it here as it would be a novel. Put simply FIL is a bit of a bully and controlling, MIL is a doormat and DHs nan is a bitter old woman. DH has a fine beard, it makes him look rugged and manly IMO, he's had it a few years now and he's had nothing but grief from his family about it. To paint the picture he's built a bit like Tom Hardy (yes really!!) white, he now shaves his head as his hair was thinning and receding, and his beard is sort of gingery. He wears jeans/ shorts and a t shirt for casual or with a shirt and a waistcoat for smart.

So onto last Saturday at the family BBQ at his aunts house with his whole family. DH nan, nan sister and FIL spend the whole time digging into DH about his beard saying it makes him look like a Muslim, in fact FIL said he looked like the Westminster attacker. I find this not only horrid to DH but also deeply islamaphobic and nasty. DH was very upset that night. Today MIL has sent him a serious text saying they shouldn't of teased him but that he did look like a Muslim, and as there's a lot of anti- Muslim hate going around it was very likely he might get attacked. I think this is bonkers, there's loads of people with beards you surely don't see a beard and think Muslim?! It shouldn't even matter you shouldn't be making such stereotypical judgments of people! I think DH's family are just trying to exert control over him by trying to make him shave it off, either that or they are just loopy. I love his beard, he washes it daily (with special beard shampoo) trims it and puts beard oil on it so it's a nicely kept beard.

What does everyone think? AIBU in saying the beard should stay and the rest of them can do one?! DH loves his beard but it makes him feel insecure to be put under so much pressure like this!

OP posts:
anchor9 · 10/07/2017 13:59

wtaf!

my (white) DP has a good strong beard. he is a salty sailor and that's what he looks like.

MargotLovedTom1 · 10/07/2017 14:00

Isn't it odd how so many men have gingery beards when their hair is brown?

MargotLovedTom1 · 10/07/2017 14:01

Talking generally, not about the DHs on this thread.

eyebrowsonfleek · 10/07/2017 14:02

On a white guy I'd say that it was more Viking or Game Of Thrones than Muslim.

MaidenMotherCrone · 10/07/2017 14:07

Your in laws are horrible Op, I'd go NC too.

DP has a wild Viking beard Smile. Lovely and red and I'm hoping one day a squirrel or Robin will pop out of it. Grin

SallyGardens · 10/07/2017 14:08

The only person to tell my DH he looked like a Muslim was my BIL. Who is Pakistani, a practicing Muslim and doesn't have a beard himself as he says it's a sign that the wearer has been on Hajj.

MargotLovedTom1 · 10/07/2017 14:10

I'm not a fan of beards and I think my DH would look like a tramp if he grew one, but Dan Skinner with a full on, Joy of Sex, 70s look in The Kennedys gave me serious fanny gallops.

And yes, your in laws are ridiculous OP.

Beards
bilbobaggi · 10/07/2017 14:10

Thanks everyone!! You've all cheered us up and make us laugh! I've sent several of your messages onto DH and he's feeling so much better. I know it sounds ridiculous but when it's your family I think it gets under his skin. Also FIL was very controlling when he lived at home growing up and it's hard to shake. Think at least low contact would be good for a while, I don't think they're a good influence on my DS anyway. Thanks!!

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 10/07/2017 14:12

My dad had a beard for 20 years. He looked like a geeky white guy with a ginger beard. So not your usual stereotypical Muslim look...

I don't personally like beards but your ILs sound batshit crazy and racist to boot!

If your DH wants a beard he should have a beard.

silverstorm · 10/07/2017 14:21

Well this family sound mad as brushes! Ignore at all costs.

My DH is part-Iranian, part-Argentinian and is can blend in anywhere from Italy to Afghanistan. He has well-trimmed stubble which I love and it suits him. I prefer slightly rugged to smooth-faced. I must say I'm not into long beards - the ones like the birds nests.

Anyway your DH should just go with what he wants.

CheeseGirl4 · 10/07/2017 14:34

I'm a huge fan of beards, and of course not everyone with a beard looks Muslim. Your in laws are letting their Islamaphobia colour any common sense they may have had.

JessieMcJessie · 10/07/2017 14:39

I was coming on to mention Santa and Captain Birdseye but Beckywiththegoodhare beat me to it! 😀

Your in laws are twats.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/07/2017 14:40

The only judgement I have on beards is that I hate them with a passion and would never date anyone with one. Major turn off.

Thankfully, DH also hates facial hair.

dollydaydream114 · 10/07/2017 14:42

A beard just looks like a beard!

I would only assume it was a beard grown for religious reasons if it was teamed with obviously religious clothing (eg the traditional clothes and hats that some Muslim men wear to my local mosque on prayer days, or the hats and prayer shawls that I see bearded orthodox Jewish men wearing every day, or a Sikh turban maybe. A beard alone says absolutely nothing about someone other than that they like beards.

Your DH's family are batshit crazy and racist. Tell them to fuck off.

glamourousgranny42 · 10/07/2017 14:47

Slightly off topic of religion but interesting

digest.bps.org.uk/2016/05/10/the-psychology-of-beards-digested/

Whiterabbitears · 10/07/2017 15:28

Its not only Muslim men who wear beards, Sikh men do too. And so what if he does look Muslim? What does that even mean anyway? Why is that a bad thing? Its terrible that to ' look Muslim' is deemed to be something to be avoided. Tell his family to fuck off if he likes his beard its up to him, a man with a beard is hardly something to hold your hands up in horror at surely.

SleightOfHand · 10/07/2017 19:39

Muslim men if wearing a beard don't have the moustache to go with do they??
Anyhoo, I like beards, say no more.....

Beards
WinnieTheWitch50 · 10/07/2017 19:41

I thought this was going to a thread about celebrity 'beards' Grin

bilbobaggi · 10/07/2017 20:32

Ah sorry Winnie, we can go that way if you like!! Talking of Tom Hardy I do love it when he has his beard Grin shit kicking off here between DH and his folks, looks like no contact Confused

OP posts:
eyebrowsonfleek · 10/07/2017 21:51

I don't know if it's a result of commenting on this thread but I just logged on Facebook and the meme Bropunzel popped up.
😂😂

Ameliablue · 10/07/2017 21:53

I hate beards. I don't associate them with Muslims.

emmyrose2000 · 11/07/2017 00:24

Your inlaws are ignorant, uneducated idiots.

Of all the things I associated with beards, being Muslim is not one of them.

AuroraBora · 11/07/2017 00:46

Agree with PPs, your inlaws are rude idiots.

My DH also gets this said to him by his family and my DM HmmHmmHmm he is also very pale skinned and is gingery too. Funnily enough our Muslim friend is always clean shaven, don't think I've even seen him with stubble.

I am also a facial hair perve Grin but only for "overgrown stubble" type beards, not big bushy ones.

BarbarianMum · 11/07/2017 00:58

I like beards. I have dated several beards. None if them has contained a Muslim. Your inlaws are idiots.

GonzoFlyingProducts · 11/07/2017 00:58

For a bald gingery white guy (and I know because I am one) a beard is a delicate issue - the Van Dyke can work well if kept clipped and clean, a full beard can also work of course but go too long and he will look (for a week) a bit hipster - and then... like a Viking invader with a large heavy metal collection and a penchant for real ale.
Easy does it...

The whole Muslim thing is just nonsense.

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