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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dsis hen weekend?

51 replies

olaflikeswarmhugs · 04/07/2017 19:17

I just feel so gutted at not being able to go I think I'm feeling unreasonably hard done by.

Dsis is getting married next year. I will be on my final placement as a student nurse so will have to take time off for the wedding (it's not local).

She has just started planning her hen weeken d and she wants to go to spain for 4 days. The first week of said placement. And it's going to cost around £700 including spending money. Which is way out my price range.

I've told her I don't be able to go as it's after my annual leave for uni and out my price range. I stupidly hoped she would say well why don't we go the week earlier and find cheaper accommodation. But she just said ok well if you can't come you can't come.

I know that just because I would do it for her doesn't mean she should have to do do it for me and I know I should never expect her to change all her plans to suit me but I'm just so gutted.

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 04/07/2017 19:30

She's BU for having a four day long hen party. What's wrong with people?

Moanyoldcow · 04/07/2017 19:33

Sorry OP, to answer your question, YANBU per se and I'd think the most important thing would be getting her closest friends and family together. But if she wants that kind of celebration then try not to be too put out and have a mini celebration when she's back -which should be what a hen night is anyway, not a self indulgent 4-day jaunt-

Moanyoldcow · 04/07/2017 19:33

Strikeout fail!!

Greggers2017 · 04/07/2017 19:34

Why would it cost £700 in spending money for 4 days. I've just been to the south of France for a week with dp and 3 kids and only spent £300

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 04/07/2017 19:35

SIBVVU and selfish. First, who needs a £700 weekend-long hen do? Second, who would not move heaven and earth to make sure their sister could be a said hen do? Are you usually close? Does she have a history of being self-centered? I feel for you, but, as I am currently in a similar situation with my brother (inviting female friends to his stag but not me), so nothong surprises me any more.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 19:35

Why would it cost £700 in spending money for 4 days

Read it again.

MatildaTheCat · 04/07/2017 19:37

There will be plenty more of these hen dos from hell lovely occasions in the future.

I'm sure she will oblige and have a few more hens in th UK?

You will be doing something slightly more worthwhile. Good luck with your career. In all honesty, in nursing you will end up missing a lot of special occasions. Getting to the wedding is the actual event.

rolopolovolo · 04/07/2017 19:39

Why is she being selfish? She's being extremely mature: she's not insisting you go broke coming, she's not pressuring you. She sounds great.

Hen parties aren't even a real thing! The wedding is the only real thing here. If you're going on a 4 day holiday to spain, it's called a holiday! She's going on holiday. There's nothing "hen" about it. See it for what it is: she's going on holiday with a few friends in the run up to the wedding. Why you would feel put out, I don't know.

livefornaps · 04/07/2017 19:41

I would just leave her to it and view it as her going on holiday with her friends, not a hen do. 700 is probably a conservative estimate anyway - these things always end up costing more in the end. Ridiculous amount of money.

RortyCrankle · 04/07/2017 19:41

Surely being able to attend the wedding is the priority, not some absurdly overpriced, booze fuelled four day hen weekend.

emilybrontescorset · 04/07/2017 19:46

I don't think she's doing anything wrong either.
She has been honest and upfront and if she wants to have an expensive hen do then that is her choice.
It is upsetting but it's her hen do so she gets the final say.

acquiescence · 04/07/2017 19:48

Do you know if your placement will be inpatient or community? Does the hen fall mid week or cover a weekend? You could go for 2 nights. If it is inpatient you will be likely to be able to choose your shifts and make up your hours around it. If it falls over a weekend and will be a community placement you could go Friday night-Sunday night?

Failing this, you could organise something with her and your family/local friends in your home town so you feel like you are celebrating with her in some way.

Justhadmyhaircut · 04/07/2017 19:48

I wouldn't bank on you being the only one who passes up the expensive opportunity. . When she bumps back down to cheap hen do land you will be able to go on that one.

DancesWithOtters · 04/07/2017 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 04/07/2017 19:59

I hate these overindulgent things, when did a hen night become a hen weekend? or a wedding become a wedding aboard/holiday?

Why do people always want more?

I doubt you will be the only one who has a reason, or excuse to not go

Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 04/07/2017 20:00

Hi thanks for the input everyone.

To answer questions hope I've remembered them all

Placement it definitely impatient I know where it is going to be in advance. The hen is Thursday to Monday and I know the placement they will definitely not allow me to take that much time off.

I know she is not doing anything wrong I just wish she cared more about me going than going to some fancy resort.

We are close(ish) and yes this is exactly what she is always like.

I just don't want to be the cow that didn't go to her only sisters hen. Especially when all the other bridesmaid are going.

OP posts:
Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 04/07/2017 20:00

Also I hate them too and I never go to them but I wanted to go to hers she's my only sibling. I think she will think I just don't want to go.

OP posts:
IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 04/07/2017 20:01

just don't want to be the cow that didn't go to her only sisters hen. Especially when all the other bridesmaid are going

But this isn't your doing

Your sister has created this situation and made it impossible for you to go - you will be dong something very important with your studies so its a real reason not to go, you are not a cow

Justhadmyhaircut · 04/07/2017 20:02

Think of yourself as the safety net. If it all goes wrong and there is a big fall out then she still has a bridesmaid back home to rely on!

IntheBESTpossibleTASTE · 04/07/2017 20:03

just don't want to be the cow that didn't go to her only sisters hen. Especially when all the other bridesmaid are going

But this isn't your doing

Your sister has created this situation and made it impossible for you to go - you will be dong something very important with your studies so its a real reason not to go, you are not a cow

Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 04/07/2017 21:25

I don't think she's doing anything wrong as such I think she's just doing what she wants I envy her in a way because at least it will be easy to plan.

I'm the type that would send a group text and say if like to do x y or z what would you prefer and what dates suits ... then pick a place and date that suits everyone/majority. Whereas she says I'm doing x on y date let me know if you are coming. I'm too soft sometimes I think. But I still wish she would at least try to be a bit more thoughtful.

OP posts:
IdaDown · 04/07/2017 21:51

It won't end up being £700 by the time all the extras have added up.

MumBod · 05/07/2017 06:47

It sounds like total hell.

bigchris · 05/07/2017 06:52

Throw her a nice meal and bubbly party when she gets back

implantsandaDyson · 05/07/2017 06:55

Well of course "she's just doing what she wants" - it's her hen party/ holiday. She's quite clear it's what she fancies doing - it doesn't really matter if you wouldn't do it. You say you're "closeish", you hate her friends, she's not putting pressure on you to go and spend money or take time off your placement - I think she might be coming out of this scenario better than you at the minute.