To ask the older women around

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Did you have doubts or concerns about your DH and/or your relationship before you married him that ultimately turned out to be unfounded? Did you question your decision but are happy now?
The whole narrative is that everything will be perfect before you commit, I don't feel that's true. I think relationships grow. But I'd appreciate any insight x

If you are having doubts, don't marry.

Why not wait for that growth you expect will happen?

In my experience, relationships grow, but don't change. (Not for the better, at least)

In other words, if you have a little tomato plant, you can water and fertilize it and it will grow up into a strong and beautiful tomato plant, but it won't change into a potato. So if you don't want a tomato plant, don't waste your time trying to change it.

If the relationship is great now, it might become even better in the future, sure.

But in all cases where I had nagging doubts about someone's character, or things that slightly annoyed me, I found that those get worse, not better, with closer acquaintance.

Strange question weirdly worded. Are you from the Wright Stuff or Daily Mail?!

No. No doubts whatsoever. And I'd had two previous proposals from long term boyfriends...which didn't feel right.

When I met DH I "knew" we'd be married.

I never worried at all.

why older?

I just assumed she's 20 and wants advice from someone with more life experience. Am not old. Just possibly older than her.

Sorry for the poorly worded post Tequila. Definitely NOT daily fail, just moderately tipsy and on a train with intermittent signal.

Nellie you're right, not necessarily older, just married for a long time. Time to see a partner age, grow and develop. Many of the male partners modelled to me have changed a lot over time.

No doubts whatsoever about my partner's personality or character. I am utterly sure of both, both showing him to be the very best sort of person. If he stayed just as he is now I would be perfectly happy, he is the best of men. My doubts are about our sexual compatibility. Something which seems less important now when looking to the future, but does niggle at me. I wish I could discount it. Buy it always rears his head a low moment, that I'll wish we'd had that passion. Whilst at the same time thinking not having it is a fair compromise for all the wonderful things I get

I'm definitely not 20 (almost 30) just feeling frustratingly complatative

I haven't got a clue what OP is asking?
Confused .

How big is the sexual mismatch?

I agree with Vestal and Nellie. And I've seen in my friendship group that the people who got married with niggling doubts and the people who got married thinking that X didn't really matter or they were sure that Y would change after marriage are the ones that were the first to get divorced.

I had serious doubts and concerns, rationalised them away. Marriage was short and miserable.

"If in doubt, don't!"

Things don't get magically better if they're not fixable now

Niggling doubts beforehand became a 25 year misery.
Then I left.
3 years later met my now DH. We waited 8 years to marry but we knew at 3 weeks that we'd marry. There were no doubts. Married 13 years and still no doubts

You were drinking tequila on a train?

Oh wait, I got it. Sorry, carry on.

Don't do it!

I haven't been married for ages, so I'm not the person you were looking for, but IME you need the initial insane attraction to get you through hard times later on... if there's always been doubt from one of you re: sexual attraction, what happens when you don't have sex for a while? Say you've had a baby and you're tired all the time. Starts to confirm what someone has always worried about.

I'll bite: I was worried in the run up. Because it is a MAJOR decision and I don't always trust my own judgement, because the man I married wasn't the man I might have though I would have married, because there were a number of logistical challenges and differences between us. I definitely had moments where I worried. The enormity of it weighed on me,

I didn't doubt that DH was a kind and wonderful man (although I did think a lot about his less good traits because I knew I needed to be sure I could live with them).

We are 12 years in and every day I think that I struck gold with him. He has been a true partner in every sense of the word. A really, really great human being, decent and devoted father and a selfless husband who is still my best friend.

I think some questions are normal. But I think the nature of them matters. Worry about the size of the commitment is I think ok. Concern that your fiancé isn't a decent person or won't treat you well, not so much.

Good luck.

I had doubts about my exH; note ex.

I had no doubts about my DH; note DH.

Trust your instinct. If something feels off, don't do it.

I'm older but otherwise don't qualify. However I do think sexual incapability is pretty major and not a good foundation for a marriage.

Um, I think OP said incompatability rather than incapability.
As to incompatability, IME that can change over time and in a long marriage it can be less important as you age. Ours has been a bit bumpy, sex-wise, eventually we weathered the rockier times and thimgs have smoothed out.
BUT I wouldn't want to say that it's the same for everyone, many marriages fail due to sex issues, of course.
What I will say is that I had no doubts before marriage. We are 40 years in now.

Hmm - any doubts at all, stop and think about things very very carefully. A minor issue now could be making you fee extremely miserable in 10 years time, and if you have children by then you probably will find it very difficult to make any changes.
Hth.

And yes, relationships do grow but not necessarily in the direction you want them to!

Look at his dad.

My DH is becoming his as he gets older. Totally. Good insight into future.