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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate the term 'respect your elders'

68 replies

Emboo19 · 11/06/2017 21:28

Just seen it on another thread and I hate that term or idea of respecting your elders, just because they are older.
Surely it should be to respect anyone as long as they're deserving of respect, regardless of their age.
Or is it just me?

OP posts:
Notsure1234 · 11/06/2017 21:31

I saw that too. Yanbu

offblackeggshell · 11/06/2017 21:31

Yanbu

SerfTerf · 11/06/2017 21:33

It depends. I prefer to be respectful, to much older people, unless or until they give me reason to bow out quietly and leave them to it. People of all ages can be poisonous.

Hard to get your drift on a TAAT.

Trifleorbust · 11/06/2017 21:34

I have no issue with it. Generally your elders know more than you. I can think of many circumstances where I have asked advice of people older and more experienced than I am.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 11/06/2017 21:38

Ha, glad I'm not the only one who noticed it Notsure it reminded me, that I really hate that term.

It's not about the other thread Serf its the general idea of respecting your elders for no reason than they are older.

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 11/06/2017 21:47

Well if it's a thing where an 80 year old is behaving really badly and then parroting "respect your elders" when you draw some boundaries, then of course that's nonsense.

But in general, respecting older people is good isn't it? I mean pleasant older people and the ones you do t know yet. Show respect, be polite, offer seats and hold doors (?)

Original poster
Emboo19 · 12/06/2017 08:41

But that's what I'm saying SerfTerf why would it just be respect your elders and at what point are they elders, just older than you? I'm only 19, so a lot of people on a bus would be older, so do I give me seat up for a 20/30 something old man/woman, with no issues? But a a younger teen who's struggling with crutches say, I think no there younger so don't bother.
Not saying I disrespect elderly people, but I don't anyone. Age is regardless, if I see someone struggling I'll offer to help.

That's why I don't get/like the saying!

OP posts:
grafittiartist · 12/06/2017 08:44

Always disliked that phrase. I will treat everybody with respect. Regardless of age.

glitterglitters · 12/06/2017 08:48

All the elderly people I've met lately have been rude af. One threatened to smack me with her cane if I didn't give her my seat on the bus the other day. Not even kidding. The bus was pretty empty, I was sat with my dd's pushchair and 35 weeks pregnant. Hmm

When I pointed this out she said she couldn't help it if I was "easy" and to move. I just laughed and ignored her till the driver told her to sit down.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 12/06/2017 08:49

They're not there Blush

That's exactly it grafittiartist

OP posts:
purits · 12/06/2017 08:50

It's not about seats on a bus.Confused It's about acknowledging that they have been on the earth longer than you so they probably have more experience than you. Hopefully, but not necessarily, it makes them - as the saying goes - older and wiser.
Teenagers are notoriously impetuous and don't think of consequences. They may not even understand consequences. Older people have usually been in the situation before so their experience deserves respect.

BoysofMelody · 12/06/2017 08:51

I tend to respect people (or not) based on what they do or say, rather than when their birth certificate was issued.

An ignorant bigoted loudmouth at 20 will in all likelihood be an ignorant bigoted loudmouth at 70. Being 50 years closer to the grave doesn't conference wisdom on them.

lorelairoryemily · 12/06/2017 08:53

Op I agree!! I absolutely hate it too, ridiculous. Surely we are all equal.

toomuchtooold · 12/06/2017 08:56

I've never heard the expression used outside the context of an older person acting like a total arse and expecting to get away with it.

Personally, as someone near the middle (40) I'm more minded to have respect for young people, as a class - they are going to have a damned sight harder life than I have had, and yet they are still funny and beautiful and brilliant. Well done them.

purits · 12/06/2017 09:01

Surely we are all equal.

I have been on this planet 40 years longer than OP. If she is 'equal' to me then that means that I have done nothing, learned nothing, accumulated nothing in the last 40 years.
I assure you that is not the case.

LorLorr2 · 12/06/2017 09:09

Hmm, I'd say YABU because I find it a bit.. I don't know. Self absorbed? When young people don't respect older. I'm early 20's and find it classier and a sign of being thoughtful & aware of things around you to show respect to an older or elderly person.They know more than us, have more experience and worked longer, which deserves acknowledgement because otherwise what do we value? And we can have our own turn at being the respected lot later.

Obviously this applies to the nice ones.. you can definitely come across people who are just nasty and sour, in which case cheerio! Grin

Squishedstrawberry4 · 12/06/2017 09:11

I think it's a two way thing. Elders should be respectful of youngsters and youngsters should be respectful of elders. Obviously some people don't deserve any respect regardless of age!

MozzchopsThirty · 12/06/2017 09:18

Totally agree

Respect where it's due in my book whether the person is 5 or 85

crumpet · 12/06/2017 09:21

Emboo, you have misunderstood. The phrase is absolutely not telling you to disrespect everyone else except your elders - it is not telling anyone to not show basic courtesies in day to day life. Why wouldn't you simply behave like a decent human being in your example of the teen with crutches?

Purists and LoLorr are spot on.

JuicyStrawberry · 12/06/2017 09:21

I really dislike the term as well. A 14 year old deserves just as much respect as a 74 years old. I don't care if someone is older, has more life experience, has worked all their life, etc... being older doesn't give someone a free pass to demand respect off people. I respect anyone who is a nice person but if they are rude then the fact that they are older than me means nothing.
It's not just the elderly either but middle aged people as well when it comes to speaking down on younger people. I don't know who some people think they are at times.
Respect is a two way street.

53rdWay · 12/06/2017 09:24

Living longer doesn't mean you know better. I'd be happy for my DC's generation to challenge a lot of the stupid things mine have done.

JuicyStrawberry · 12/06/2017 09:26

I'm early 20's and find it classier and a sign of being thoughtful & aware of things around you to show respect to an older or elderly person.They know more than us, have more experience and worked longer, which deserves acknowledgement because otherwise what do we value?

You can show respect to everyone in society to be a classy person. I don't put more value on people just because they are older.

ArchieStar · 12/06/2017 09:27

I think if it's a reciprocal respect then it's great. If it's a "you WILL respect me because I am older than you, I know more than you and I am better than you" then they can FOTTFEOF.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 12/06/2017 09:28

Sorry crumpet you've misunderstood me! I do show respect to everyone, the crutches example was a time I was on a bus and I did move. I actually do a fair bit of community work, mostly with the elderly!

My point is that its not age that makes me respect people. I also think it can be a damaging saying, it speaks to me like older people are right and obviously that's not always the case.

OP posts:
bathshebaneverdene · 12/06/2017 09:30

I often think respect is mistakenly conflated with courtesy, by the young and by the elderly. I treat everyone with courtesy no matter what their age. Respect is earned.