AIBU to hate the term 'respect your elders'

[Emboo19]

Just seen it on another thread and I hate that term or idea of respecting your elders, just because they are older.
Surely it should be to respect anyone as long as they're deserving of respect, regardless of their age.
Or is it just me?

[Babyblues14]

I agree. I work with the elderly and the way that some of them speak and treat people (not becuase of any medical condition) is absolutely disgusting. You give out respect then you get it back thats how I see it. Just because they are older doesnt mean they know more than you and they are always right.

[Calyrical]

The kids at the PRU I worked in were obsessed with 'respect, man!' Not always brilliant about GIVING it!

I do remember once innocently getting on a bus when I was 18 and some old busybody barged in front of me huffily declaring 'excuse ME! Mind your elders.' I think that's the sort of thing that winds people up - elderly people expecting reverent treatment because they are old.

But elderly people do become increasingly childlike and I think self centredness often starts to come out then.

[BertrandRussell]

I don't like the word "respect" to be used about anyone or anything.

[Louiselouie0890]

Everyone deserves respect but the term respectful to tour elders means stuff like offer to help give up your seat so in that case the saying doesn't bother me. However if it's the case of not saying something deserved because they're elderly then ye I hate it.

[Emboo19]

That's horrible Feckitall

[Feckitall]

Out walking with my kids one day, back in the 90s, my younger son ran on ahead playing...it was a straight footpath with meadows each side, could see him...there were a group of boys, mid teens walking towards us..I was horrified to see one stop my son, speak to him then punch him! I ran sprinted like an Olympian and pushed him off my son...and asked the little shit why he had done it, his reply 'he didn't respect me'
I then said 'what have you done to deserve respect?' He just scowled at me..told me to fuck off...and threatened me physically...
Some people have no idea what respect is...

[Emboo19]

I think common curtesy should apply to everyone, so yes I'd move seats for someone who needed it more, perhaps that's age, but it could be other things too. Same as I'd hold a door for a pushchair, wheelchair, someone with a walking stick or hands full of shopping.

I find the saying wrong as I said, it implys all older people are in some way to be looked up to and I don't agree with that. If I don't agree with something someone is doing or saying, their age is irrelevant to how I'd deal with it. I think it's especially important in a professional setting too, being older and more experienced does not mean you're always right!

[JacquesHammer]

I expect my kids to give up their seat on the bus for old people. That's about respect

See I don't see that as respect but basic decency. I have taught my DD to give up her seat for anyone that might need it - that also might mean an older person who doesn't need it, is "second in the queue" behind someone younger who does need it

[NC4now]

Depends on context. I expect my kids to give up their seat on the bus for old people. That's about respect.
I hate the entitled attitude of a lot of younger people, but I equally hate the entitled attitude of some older people. Eg. I'd expect an older person with no mobility problems to give up their seat for a pregnant woman juggling toddlers.
I think people should have respect for each other in general, but I do think good old fashioned manners still have their place.

[BaguettesAtMidnight]

As others have said, it really depends on the definition of 'respect' you're using.

I am younger and give everyone respect in the sense of being courteous and polite. I wouldn't automatically treat somebody any different due to age in that respect.

With regards to deferring to another's opinion because they have more experience than you? Fine, but that isn't necessarily an age thing.
In my line of work, for example, it would be foolish - negligent, perhaps - not to take on board the comments of seniors. They have far more experience than I do, and their opinion of course carries more weight. However, being more experienced doesn't necessarily mean older - and vice-versa.

Really, I think it comes down to giving people a basic level of respect, but placing different weights on their opinions based on a combination of other factors. Age might be one of them, depending on the topic.

[TrinityTaylor]

I think it can be damaging sometimes. For example the "lonely old person" trope. You are supposed to talk to them, help them etc because they've lived a long life and are worthy of of respect, it's disgusting that they are ignored etc. Well they are not perfect just because they are old. An old man who lived a couple streets away from me a few years ago, you used to see him wandering about on his own looking dishevelled and sad, people would comment that it was so awful, how could his family leave him to rot, he has done so much for the country etc. He was actually a convicted paedophile from many years previously and a nasty piece of work and no one wanted anything to do with him.

[purits]

I agree with londonmummy. Good post. Everyone is bringing their own definition of respect to this thread which doesn't help for a coherent discussion.

[olliegarchy99]

It is not 'respect the elderly' purely by respecting their age it should be more 'respect the elderly's opinions' as they have probably lived longer than you, experienced more than you in life so can give you the benefit of that it surely must be good.
I have encountered on here and amongst the more leftie social media lots of disrespect for the 'old' as they are variously labelled, thick, ignorant, 'hope you die soon' bigots
Incidentally I would suggest that many of the 'rude' oaps have either been provoked or are suffering some form of senile dementia (and they are certainly no more representative of a demographic than the rude, entitled younger people.)

[TheWhiteRoseOfYork]

Ha! That cuts two ways.
Sorry, I don't know what you mean by that??

Sorry if it wasn't clear. You were saying that the older generation do not understand the younger generation. I'm saying that, equally, the younger generation often do not understand the older generation.

I am sure the generations do not understand each other in many respects. But the difference is the younger generation are not going around saying 'respect your youngers'. It is the assumption that people deserve respect for opinions which are often totally wrong, purely on the basis of their age which I (and I think the OP) object to.

[JacquesHammer]

It is a ridiculous phras - but I assume its used by people who are confusing courtesy with respect.

I treat everyone I mean with courtesy. People shouldn't be given respect simply because of age - respect should be earned.

Purits - you're coming across with an excessively superior and smug attitude - that doesn't garner my - or a good many people's - respect in any way. Respect isn't an automatic right. The OP is JUST as valuable in terms of her experience/thoughts/opinions as you are.

[AnnieOH1]

Completely totally agree with you. One of my friends (a little older than me but not massively old) often says this when she thinks she is being challenged by people younger than her.

I just don't agree that someone deserves automatic respect. Yes if they're obviously disabled by age then I believe you should be more patient, and respect everyone enough to listen to their point of view etc. But I find this idea of "respecting elders" just because they're older to be a way of shutting up a younger person who disagrees with someone older. Respect is a two way street.

Besides anything just because someone is older does not mean they are more experienced, they could be but ultimately they don't live your life nor you theirs. Case in point, my mother in law has been driving for ooo 10 years longer than I've been alive. She rarely does more than 50 miles a week, I rarely do less than 100 miles a day. At some point, probably very early on in my driving career, I became the more experienced driver.

[londonmummy1966]

I often think respect is mistakenly conflated with courtesy, by the young and by the elderly. I treat everyone with courtesy no matter what their age. Respect is earned.

This
I think there is often a problem with words like respect as they have a dual meaning - being respectful is being polite and perhaps biting your tongue sometimes as a pp suggested. Respecting someone's judgement is a different matter - it might mean taking their advice even if it goes against your inclination because you think that they might know better. Good judgement is often enhanced by experience but not everyone has it and for those without age won't necessarily bring about improvement - look at all those threads where bossy MILs have been pandered to all their lives and so not learned any better and then end up with their DIL going NC.

So, be courteous to everyone (something a few posters on this thread might bear in mind?); always listen politely to a conflicting view (regardless of the age of its proponent) and ask yourself if there is something in the advice you are given.

[purits]

Juicy have you read the article?

[purits]

Ha! That cuts two ways.
Sorry, I don't know what you mean by that??

Sorry if it wasn't clear. You were saying that the older generation do not understand the younger generation. I'm saying that, equally, the younger generation often do not understand the older generation.

[JuicyStrawberry]

You said they are notoriously impetuous and don't think about consequences. Therefore you don't think very highly of them.
As I said, you don't give them enough credit.

[MrsTrentReznor]

I've always seen this phrase as a respecting the wisdom of an older person.
When I was a teen I thought I knew everything.
I soon learnt I knew nothing, despite having the sort of upbringing that forced a hell of a lot of "life" on my shoulders.
I enjoy talking to the elderly because of their experiences.
We can learn a lot from them.

[DeadGood]

Today 09:54 Emboo19

"So is it experience DeadGood not age. What about the 30 year old whom I was showing the ropes to at work, as she'd never worked so had less experience than 18 year old me!"

I still think you should speak to her more respectfully than, say, the 16 year old work experience student that you showed the ropes to last week.

Not that you should speak rudely to the work experience student - of course not. You should be helpful, professional, friendly. But the tone would not be the same.

I think you should assume that the 30 year old has been doing something in the 12 years since she was 18. Studying, looking after a parent, raising a family, traveling - whatever it is, she has more life experience than you, and that should be acknowledged.

Basically, you can choose to treat her the same way you treat a colleague of your own age. But you will get further in life if you show a little respect for people who are older than you. I do not think it is a bad thing, can't really see why people have a problem with it.

[purits]

How did I talk about them "like they are dirt"? The article talks about how "very smart adolescents will do very stupid things in a very impulsive way". I suggest that you read it instead of throwing insults around.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yy juicy

I've had run ins with all ages but I can categorically say that the largest percentage of issues I've ever had be it at work or out there on the street or on a bus have been with older people.