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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to not nap with toddler

68 replies

farhamster · 21/05/2017 11:58

Had a rare lie in this morning while DH got up with DC(2.5).

Finally came downstairs to find toddler watching TV, stair gate open, sharp knife lying on kitchen counter, DH asleep on couch. I spoke to toddle for a bit, sat down & cuddled him, finished getting dressed. DH didn't stir. He only woke up when I sat on couch next to him.

He said he was resting his eyes and knew everything dc was doing. But he hadn't been aware that I was even in the room for 5-10 minutes.

Aibu to be pissed off about this? I feel like if I get another lie in it'll be ruined by worrying about dc now.

OP posts:
EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 21/05/2017 12:15

Why was it a rare lie in? Don't you take it in turns?

Original poster
farhamster · 21/05/2017 12:17

No we don't, not by a long shot, but this is second family around for him and it was me who really wanted a dc so I said I'd do the lion's share of child care. I'm a sahm.

OP posts:
EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 21/05/2017 12:40

Well yiu might have offered to do the lion's share but he's still with you and is a Dad to the toddler so should be looking after the health and well being of both of you.

Kursk · 21/05/2017 12:48

DH napped when DS was little, he would lie next to him on the floor holding DS's ankle very gently. Then snooze. He had this ability to maintain his grip while asleep. DS would be happily playing with his toys on the floor.

They would both be happy like this for a couple hours.

Original poster
farhamster · 21/05/2017 12:59

He wasn't holding onto him though, downstairs is open plan and the stair gate was open.

And I know there's an issue with the lie ins, we have argued about it before but now I feel like I won't be able to have one again if he's going to go to sleep. He dozes on the couch while we are both downstairs with the dc but I'd at least expect him T stay awake while alone.

OP posts:
EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 21/05/2017 13:02

Does he help out in other ways like cooking, cleaning, bedtimes?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 21/05/2017 13:08

sahm/lie ins/secnd family

when does he sleep through seeing his first family??

Original poster
farhamster · 21/05/2017 13:16

There's no drip feed, his children from his ex live with us but are young adults so he sees them every day. Don't know what you think I'm going to drip feed.

Everyone, I do appreciate what you're getting at and the other things are as they are with us, some I'm content with, others not but I was wanting to know, specifically, if sleeping while in sole charge of a toddler is okay or not, because I feel uncomfortable with it and he's in the huff with me for questioning it and I want to know which of us is being unreasonable about it.

Looks like I am.

OP posts:
BumWad · 21/05/2017 13:18

YANBU if he is meant to be looking after toddler he should be awake not asleep!

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 21/05/2017 13:23

YANBU but you know that. He sounds like a complete twat though.

willothewisp17 · 21/05/2017 13:32

yanbu at all Smile as said above, when he's supposed to be watching your toddler, he should be watching, rather than asleep! It's a good thing your toddler has more sense than him and stayed watching tv rather than going near the stairs or the knife on the counter!

SeaCabbage · 21/05/2017 13:34

YANBU. Very dangerous situation for your toddler and as you said, means you can't relax if you ever get another lie in.

Also, it is worrying that he is lying saying he was aware of what was going on. Needs a proper talk I reckon.

DancingLedge · 21/05/2017 13:36

Yanbu

CeCeBloomer · 21/05/2017 13:41

This drives me mad and you are definitely not BU! I have similar issues at home and you just can't relax knowing the dc aren't being properly cared for

MyheartbelongstoG · 21/05/2017 13:43

There was a similar thread recently from a pregnant woman asking aibu if I have a little nap.

She was told go right ahead.

blackteasplease · 21/05/2017 13:45

yanbu

Northernparent68 · 21/05/2017 13:46

where's the safety issue, the toddler could not reach the knife and so what if he does climb the stairs ?

Winniethepooer · 21/05/2017 13:50

YANBU. Dh sounds lazy!

DissonantInterval · 21/05/2017 13:55

YANBU. From your title I thought you meant DH was napping while toddler was doing likewise. But if the toddler is playing there needs to be an adult who is awake to make sure they are safe. You can't supervise a child when you are asleep.

TheStoic · 21/05/2017 13:56

First rule of looking after toddlers: stay awake.

brasty · 21/05/2017 13:59

MyHeartBelongstoG The pregnant lady was not having a nap with the stairgate open and a knife in reach of a toddler. Do not derail this by even pretending they are at all similar situations.

OfficiallyUnofficial · 21/05/2017 14:00

If the space is secure and you are properly only dozing I really cant see the issue.

However if he was full on asleep and the stair-gate/knife presented an actual hazard (can DC not do stairs? Could they climb to the knife?) then YANBU.

My main concern in that situation is that without stairgate toddler would be straight up to get me while DH slept (has happened!!) and bam goes my lie in selfish fucker. Hmm

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/05/2017 14:02

MyHeartBelongsToG

Yes, but the circumstances were entirely different.

I have no problem with an adult nappping if the child is either in the same room or in a safe room and the parent is able to keep an ear out. In this situation the very young toddler wasnt in a safe space and the Dad was asleep, not dozing with an ear out, obviously. He'd also left a sharp knife within reach & the stair gate open. He's an idiot.

MyheartbelongstoG · 21/05/2017 14:03

Toddlers can open drawers and jump stairgates.

Ameliablue · 21/05/2017 14:04

No I don't think it is ok to nap while supposedly looking after a toddler. It's one thing during the night or early morning when the child is confined to a secure area but not otherwise.