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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect him to not nap with toddler

68 replies

farhamster · 21/05/2017 11:58

Had a rare lie in this morning while DH got up with DC(2.5).

Finally came downstairs to find toddler watching TV, stair gate open, sharp knife lying on kitchen counter, DH asleep on couch. I spoke to toddle for a bit, sat down & cuddled him, finished getting dressed. DH didn't stir. He only woke up when I sat on couch next to him.

He said he was resting his eyes and knew everything dc was doing. But he hadn't been aware that I was even in the room for 5-10 minutes.

Aibu to be pissed off about this? I feel like if I get another lie in it'll be ruined by worrying about dc now.

OP posts:

OhhBetty · 21/05/2017 16:47

Sorry that may have been a little dramatic but I've been in a similar situation and I remember constantly wondering why my ex didn't care about me enough to want to give me a break. And why he didn't want to spend quality time with his son. The answer for me was because he was a shitty partner who genuinely never gave my feelings a second thought and a below average father. Not saying this is the case for you though.

MissShittyBennet · 21/05/2017 16:48

Does he often cold shoulder you if you say something critical?

Original poster

farhamster · 21/05/2017 18:05

Yes but we can both be a bit huffy like that. I've tried speaking normally a couple of times now and I'm just getting curt answers. So I'm just going to leave it to him to make the first move.

OP posts:

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 21/05/2017 18:05

I really bloody hope you didn't cook anything for him.

HornyTortoise · 21/05/2017 18:20

YANBU.

However I have done this once, it terrified me. DD was about a year old and I had had next to no sleep in 2 days and I fell asleep on the couch. Gates and such were closed, there was nothing dangerous lying around, but when DH came in I was flat out and she was playing with the plug socket! I still feel so guilty for that, and think about what could have happened to this day :(

Sounds like its a habit for your husband though rather than a one off mistake

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 21/05/2017 19:18

so what if he does climb the stairs?
Well I assume it's a problem because if DC climbs the stairs unsupervised s/he can then fall get back down them unsupervised

Sounds like he fell asleep by accident. Easily done.
I don't really get that though. Surely if you feel sleepy when supposedly supervising a toddler what you don't do is lie on the sofa and get comfy! Unless of course he was asleep sitting upright. But in any case isn't it apparent when people are feeling so sleepy they're likely to fall asleep, in which case walking around or getting some fresh air would stop them dropping off.

He is still huffing and of the opinion that's it's okay because nothing happened and he would have heard if it did
YANBU. It's a bit bloody late if the sound he hears is the bump bump bump of DC falling down stairs or the scream when s/he's cut with the knife isn't it. Just because nothing happened this time doesn't make everything OK

user1471545174 · 21/05/2017 19:23

I sound like a broken 1979s record but a playpen solves all these "problems".

user1471545174 · 21/05/2017 19:24

1970s

LittleMisslikestobebythesea · 21/05/2017 19:34

Do you think he did it on purpose so you won't have a lie in again?

My ex is very blasé about stuff, when the kids were younger one of them cut their finger on the blade from his razor he left on the sink, he left his antihistamine tablet on the side and went to work and similar things, and instead of just apologizing he just couldn't see the issue?

Original poster

farhamster · 21/05/2017 19:50

A playpen for 4 hours in the morning? I used a travel cot as a playpen briefly when he started moving so I could do things like nip to the toilet, but at what point in the morning should he have put him in in case he fell asleep?

Bollocks I agree, what would have woke him up? Because 'HIYA MAMA' didn't, neither did our conversation that followed. Or me fussing about getting dressed.

I did make dinner but it was a joint of meat and self serve veggies and I was doing it for all of us, just leaving dh out would have been too petty.

In fairness he has 'busied' himself with useful things, like sorting the garage out, things that needed doing.

OP posts:

Original poster

farhamster · 21/05/2017 19:51

I don't think he did it for that reason, little miss, because he didn't know what time I was coming down.

OP posts:

user1471545174 · 21/05/2017 19:58

A travel cot isn't a playpen!

A normal sized playpen can keep a child safe through adult naps etc. There are constant scares on MN about unsupervised toddlers running risks, yet there's a simple solution that's ignored for no better reason than it's out of fashion.

Same with reins and road safety. People tie themselves in knots rather than just go for the simplest solution.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/05/2017 20:13

A playpen for 2.5 year old!! Most could easily climb out of that. Surely they're for much younger children?

OhWotIsItThisTime · 21/05/2017 20:18

The op is pissed off because if it were her on duty, the dc would be safe. What her dh has done is set her up to never allow him to be in charge because he cannot be trusted. The bastard.

Original poster

farhamster · 21/05/2017 20:23

I don't agree. He rarely looks after him in the morning, I don't think he needed a playpen, he just needed to either stay awake or not offer to let me lie in, if he knew he was tired. I don't think putting a 2.5 year old in a playpen all morning is good.

They have their uses and I never felt the need for a proper one as ds wasn't mobile at all until 1 and months after that easily barricaded in with furniture while cooked etc. But I'm not disagreeing with them for younger children, if a parent is struggling to get something done.

I also have reins in my bag which I've never felt the need to use but wouldn't hesitate to if necessary, so I'm not the kind of parent who doesn't like stuff like that.

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/05/2017 20:24

I think it's very easy to fall asleep when you've got little ones, but the fact he's being arsey about it instead of admitting it wasn't ideal and shouldn't have happened makes it worse.

Original poster

farhamster · 21/05/2017 20:26

Yes, that's how I feel, ohwot. If he'd jumped on said 'oh shit I didn't mean to nod off' I think I'd be annoyed but the fact that he is saying it's okay means I'll never lie comfortably in bed knowing dc is safe with him.

OP posts:

Believeitornot · 21/05/2017 20:28

Why is he so tired that he needs a bloody nap?

My dh would fall asleep on duty but I was able to speak to him about it and it happens rarely. The kids are much older now though

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