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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go 'All guns blazing' to the school...

57 replies

ComfortablyGlum · 18/05/2017 12:06

Bit of background, DS is 14 (yr9) and has had trouble with bullying since yr7. The reason is, he acts in quite a 'camp' manner and was hounded by kids shouting 'gay' at him (this is relevant to the story). The 'brought it all to a head' incident was around 2-3 months ago which resulted in my son telling me he felt suicidal I posted about it here but under an old username.

To be fair on the school, they took it very seriously and put an action plan together to help my son and a zero tolerance policy on any kind of bullying towards him. He gets a one to one weekly with the head of year to discuss any problems. This has been working well and DS has been happy to go to school.

Yesterday, DS was off school attending a family funeral with us. He got a text from one of the boys in his drama class saying 'Mr X was making fun of you today'

It transpires the class were meant to act out a sketch that someone they met on Tinder was actually the same sex as them and how they would react. He allegedly said to the whole class, "Can't believe (my DS) isn't here when we are doing this' with a silly laugh. Apparently the boy who text asked the teacher what he meant and he said 'I think you know what I meant' and carried on with the lesson.

DS is mortified and I am RAGING. It's one thing when teen boys make fun of your child (part and parcel of high school life I guess) but when a teacher does it for cheap laughs??

I want to find this guy and flatten him tbh - but obviously I can't do that. I know what will happen when I go in - it will all be denied or played down - even though the whole class heard it.

Any advice on how I proceed? DS only has this teacher once a week so has gone in today with instructions to find out more from others in the class to make sure / clarify some of the facts before I approach the school.

OP posts:
stuckinthehouse · 18/05/2017 12:13

Definitely a good idea to clarify some facts first. How confident would your ds feel raising it with the teacher?
Also, what the heck kind of lesson was that? What subject?

Original poster
ComfortablyGlum · 18/05/2017 12:34

It was drama. And yes I'm waiting for DS to call me on his lunch break to see if he has anymore details.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 18/05/2017 12:38

I feel very old if teachers think Tinder encounters are suitable subjects for drama improvisation

OlennasWimple · 18/05/2017 12:39

OP - I understand your anger, but "all guns blazing" rarely gets a good outcome. Firm, persistent and determined is a better approach

GU24Mum · 18/05/2017 12:40

I wouldn't go in "all guns blazing" as a general rule - whatever you're doing, calmer is inevitably better. I think you really need to check the facts first - are you really sure the teacher said that rather than some of the other children stirring up? If you're sure, then definitely raise it but it would have been a pretty stupid thing for a teacher to say.......

DissonantInterval · 18/05/2017 12:40

Is the person who sent the text a good friend of DS? It sounds unlikely that someone would have made that up imo. I'm not surprised you are seething but you need to as calmly as possible try establish what happened. If that is what this teacher said then it's grim behaviour :(

user1491572121 · 18/05/2017 12:41

Can DS be SURE this happened and would the other boy stand up and support DS about it?

It needs stamping on now. That teacher was ALL shades of wrong.

Goldenhandshake · 18/05/2017 12:42

Calm, measured but clearly furious is the best approach.

MadisonAvenue · 18/05/2017 12:45

That's awful, if correct. Good luck in getting to the bottom of it. Is the boy who informed him a friend or just a classmate trying to stir up some trouble?

Olenna I felt old when my son's music teacher called me to say that he'd been messing around in lessons rather than listening to the set piece of music they were studying. It was Crazy by Gnarls Barkley.

tinypop4 · 18/05/2017 12:45

You absolutely must find out the facts of this first, all guns blazing is rarely a good idea as there are usually two sides to any story and this is 2nd information from a teenager.
I would contact the head of department or line manager in the first instance, to get the teacher's version of events. If you are still dissatisfied go to the Headteacher to start a formal complains procedure. Of course if the teacher said this then there is a lot wrong with it.

drspouse · 18/05/2017 12:53

Definitely get the facts first but even the IDEA that it's a suitable dramatic event i.e. out of the ordinary and unpalatable to be paired with someone of the same sex is, I'd say, in itself homophobic.

DissonantInterval · 18/05/2017 13:01

What drspouse says. Absolutely. If this did happened there is absolutely NO justification for it.

RubyWinterstorm · 18/05/2017 13:01

yes, find out the facts first, and go in with a dagger up your sleeve, under a veneer of calm, rather than all guns blazing (not literally! of course!)

EweAreHere · 18/05/2017 13:04

I would definitely go straight in.

Inexcusable if true.

scoobydoo1971 · 18/05/2017 13:06

Before you start action, you need to gather facts. The boy sending texts may have made it up or embellished what was said. DS needs to ascertain what was said from different people. If it is true, you have the Equality Act 2010 on your side. An employee (teacher) acting on behalf of any organisation would be violating this legislation if they were found to be using or implying discriminatory language and behaviour. It may also have implications for the teacher's professional code.

Do not shout at the Head-teacher as your son has to still attend school, and managers will be less willing to enforce anti-bullying interventions if they perceive you as difficult. You could also pursue a complaint to the Governors. However, do it calmly and based on facts as managers will be bound by their own investigatory procedures, and you will want to help them to fact-find and resolve the issue.

MrsArthurShappey · 18/05/2017 13:09

I just found this on the Tinder FAQs

'What is the minimum age requirement?

As of June 16, 2016, the minimum age requirement for Tinder is 18 years old........'

Massively inappropriate to base a lesson for 14 years old on Tinder. And what an absolute TWAT for mentioning your DS in that way (if he did, of course etc)

queenofthebored · 18/05/2017 13:15

I'd keep the "guns" in the holster but I'd bloody make sure they were loaded with bullets made of the schools policies on bullying and discrimination. Agree with the above poster who stated that this isn't an appropriate theme for the age group and lesson type

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 18/05/2017 13:16

Wow, I'd definitely go into the school to clarify what happened, and I'd make sure I spoke to at least one pupil who witnessed it in case the teacher lies.

Tenshidarkangel · 18/05/2017 13:20

Brilliant. ¬_¬
Lets encourage the youth of today not only to be homophobic but to use Tinder and potentially meet pedophiles or lie about their age and have sex.
I think even if the facts are embellished its pretty poor on the school!
Go get 'em OP.

aginghippy · 18/05/2017 13:34

Definitely not all guns blazing, but I would certainly be contacting the HOY. Firm, persistent and determined is the way to go.

The text your ds received was bullying on the part of the other boy, regardless of whether or not the teacher actually said anything like that. The school need to deal with the bullying.

If the teacher did say anything like what is claimed, the school need to address it, both the homophobia and making a 'joke' at your son's expense. Ask the ask the HOY to find out what happened and get back to you.

Iamastonished · 18/05/2017 13:35

"It transpires the class were meant to act out a sketch that someone they met on Tinder was actually the same sex as them and how they would react."

14 year olds doing a Tinder sketch Hmm

Wonderflonium · 18/05/2017 13:36

Even if he didn't say that about your son, the whole activity sounds homophobic as fuck. You need to insist the school sorts out its homophobia problem. It's not a given that boys are teased for being "camp", school culture has a lot to do with it. But seconding all those before who have advised calm, steely resolve to get things fixed. Get your ducks in a row first and get all the facts established.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 18/05/2017 13:39

Right.

This sounds awful. But please stay calm! Going in guns blazing usually helps nobody.

First of all you have to get the story straight (imo!).
I personally had bullying teachers (and at least 2 were openly homophobic), but I feel like nowadays teachers (luckily!) can't get away with these things....

And anyhow. A TINDER ENCOUNTERT?! That's extremel inappropriate on thic context.

So, the class activity, the homophobia and the jokes about your son are all issues that will have to be adressed.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 18/05/2017 13:40

*Encounter

oops. But seriously, what was that teacher thinking? Even if only half of this is true (I mean that boy could have been trying to rile your DS up, Idk?). It's just not appropriate.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/05/2017 13:48

Think the drama teacher needs his whole perspective checked, tbh.
I agree entirely that the situation was wrong to use in a class of that age, but his reference to your son's perceived sexuality was totally inappropriate.
Yes, go to the Head but discuss in a calm, civil and completely incredulous manner, citing much of what has been mentioned here.

Good luck, and so sorry for your DS, if this all turns out to be exactly as the texting boy said. :(

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