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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go 'All guns blazing' to the school...

57 replies

ComfortablyGlum · 18/05/2017 12:06

Bit of background, DS is 14 (yr9) and has had trouble with bullying since yr7. The reason is, he acts in quite a 'camp' manner and was hounded by kids shouting 'gay' at him (this is relevant to the story). The 'brought it all to a head' incident was around 2-3 months ago which resulted in my son telling me he felt suicidal I posted about it here but under an old username.

To be fair on the school, they took it very seriously and put an action plan together to help my son and a zero tolerance policy on any kind of bullying towards him. He gets a one to one weekly with the head of year to discuss any problems. This has been working well and DS has been happy to go to school.

Yesterday, DS was off school attending a family funeral with us. He got a text from one of the boys in his drama class saying 'Mr X was making fun of you today'

It transpires the class were meant to act out a sketch that someone they met on Tinder was actually the same sex as them and how they would react. He allegedly said to the whole class, "Can't believe (my DS) isn't here when we are doing this' with a silly laugh. Apparently the boy who text asked the teacher what he meant and he said 'I think you know what I meant' and carried on with the lesson.

DS is mortified and I am RAGING. It's one thing when teen boys make fun of your child (part and parcel of high school life I guess) but when a teacher does it for cheap laughs??

I want to find this guy and flatten him tbh - but obviously I can't do that. I know what will happen when I go in - it will all be denied or played down - even though the whole class heard it.

Any advice on how I proceed? DS only has this teacher once a week so has gone in today with instructions to find out more from others in the class to make sure / clarify some of the facts before I approach the school.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 18/05/2017 13:52

Madison - I can understand that, actually! It's got interesting but repeated harmonic progression and some unusual things like suspended fourths but it's very easy to listen to and work out. We used to listen to pop music (as it was called back then...) along with Bach chorales, Mozart concertos and Beethoven symphonies to understand how music "works"

Anyway, presumably OP is in with the school now.....?

flibberdy · 18/05/2017 13:59

Just the lesson itself is reeking of homophobia

"Hey kids, imagine you were setting up a date and found out it was the same sex! Gay gay gay!!!! Ooooh imagine!! How would you react? Anger! Fight! Disgust!"

What outcomes was the teacher expecting? Statistically there's a high chance with a class of 30 there will be some students in there that are gay or having conflicted feelings towards sex anyway, imagine how they must have felt? That's without even thinking about the singling out he did of your Ds.

Totally inappropriate, perpetuating homophobic stereotypes and generally a disgusting lesson that if I had the pleasure of observing (SLT) I'd consider disciplinary.

I'm fuming on your behalf, if you can't tell. Complex feelings/sexual preferences/identities should NOT be used for role play lessons by bigoted teachers Angry

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 18/05/2017 14:02

Find out the facts, if you can, then deal accordingly. Was this a friend who texted your DS? Initially I wondered if it was a former bully doing it as a way of getting to your DS.

Surely this tinder thing doesn't even make sense though. I've never used it but I would assume you set it according to preference so a straight man would set it to look for women, only they would come up and then you scroll either way on their profile, how would you accidently meet a man? Confused Unless man lied with profile picture, but seems a really stupid and totally irrelevant lesson.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 18/05/2017 14:09

I think going all guns blazing helps no one but yanbu to be angry if this really is true.

I find it hard to believe that a teacher would honestly do this as a drama lesson though.

PaleAzureofSummer · 18/05/2017 14:16

I would state that the boy said this and then they can confirm whether the boy made the whole thing up or if it really happened.

Ketzele · 18/05/2017 14:20

Yes, it's so outrageous it's possible it was made up - in order to bully your son. But you are absolutely right to take this very seriously - if it IS true it is unforgiveable.

aginghippy · 18/05/2017 14:23

If it was entirely made up by the other boy, the school still need to address the bullying.

Maudlinmaud · 18/05/2017 14:23

Isn't tinder a hook up site? Anyway whatever it is, it's inappropriate to use this in a class setting. I would be most cross... if it happened.

ChasedByBees · 18/05/2017 14:31

If this is accurate (and sadly I suspect it is) it's so inappropriate. Be glad your son wasn't there. It sounds like it would have been even worse if so.

Drivingmenuts · 18/05/2017 14:36

Ask the head for an immediate meeting.

Sit down calmly and say 'we need to establish the facts, I am clearly furious and I need to know if I have grounds for a formal complaint.' Head should be on your side not teachers to establish the truth of situation.

lanouvelleheloise · 18/05/2017 14:40

It sounds inappropriate on many levels. The "I think you know what I meant" is particularly horrible.

I think you're doing the right thing in checking the facts as far as possible, then considering how to go forward most effectively. I think dripping ice rather than fire may be effective in the circumstances. You could also insist on involving charities that campaign against homophobic bullying.

lanouvelleheloise · 18/05/2017 14:40

It sounds inappropriate on many levels. The "I think you know what I meant" is particularly horrible.

I think you're doing the right thing in checking the facts as far as possible, then considering how to go forward most effectively. I think dripping ice rather than fire may be effective in the circumstances. You could also insist on involving charities that campaign against homophobic bullying.

HenryPassMeTheBourbons · 18/05/2017 14:41

I agree with Goldenhandshake

Very controlled but clearly furious is a powerful combination. You absolutely must verify though what happened as we only have the confirmation from another teenager?

autumnmonths · 18/05/2017 14:46

In my mind, regardless of what you find out, it sounds like you need to speak to the school anyway,

either the teacher has been incredibly inappropriate on two levels - the comment and the fact that they are basing the lesson on Tinder OR / AND the boy sending such messages to your son after everything seems to have calmed down.

Good luck. Drivingmenuts is right

LaLegue · 18/05/2017 14:47

I'd go in and ask about why the teacher thought this was suitable material for a lesson. As for the allegations that he said those things about your son, well of course if it's true then he's totally out of line but I would tread very carefully before you make accusations against the teacher. It sounds more like something a troublemaking child would fabricate to me.

Also, all guns blazing is never a good look when dealing with the school. Be calm and calculated, be very assertive but don't lose your rag or it will be turned against you.

MissEliza · 18/05/2017 14:51

A lesson based on Tinder? Please tell me this is made up. Surely no teacher is that dumb.

Nousernameforme · 18/05/2017 15:05

Phone the head of year and inform him of whats been said then wait for them to investigate. It's all you can do really and even if you go up there shouting etc it's all they will end up doing anyway

SapphireStrange · 18/05/2017 15:06

Get the facts straight first, then go for calm and measured rather than guns blazing.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 18/05/2017 15:08

I'd be raging. You, however, are being sensible and investigating to find out what really happened before going to the school. If it is true, definitely take it up with them.

Making fun of a child is pretty low (they can't fight back without ending up in detention for cheek), doing it while they aren't present is even lower. Making fun of them for something they have already been bullied for is beyond low and into pond scum territory.

OnTheRise · 18/05/2017 15:09

That's inappropriate in many different ways. I would definitely go and speak to the head about it, but I'd speak to a few of the pupils who were there first just in case it didn't happen.

And if it didn't happen then I'd speak to the head teacher anyway because the kid who sent your son that text is bullying him, and that's not on either.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 18/05/2017 15:25

YADNBU OP

As others have said, apart from being a wholly inappropriate subject for 14 year olds, the teacher's remarks were homophobic and if true, were squarely and humiliatingly aimed at your son.

Check the school website for their policies and make a verbatim note of the appropriate wording pertaining to your son's situation. Teachers should never single out an individual pupil in such a prejudiced manner.

Good luck OP

PersianCatLady · 18/05/2017 15:27

I feel so old now because when I was at school we did things like Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet in drama.

LurkingHusband · 18/05/2017 15:40

I feel so old now because when I was at school we did things like Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet in drama.

No smiley ?

Juliet is 13 years old ....

PersianCatLady · 18/05/2017 15:53

No smiley ? Juliet is 13 years old ....
Sorry I don't understand what you are saying, it has been one of those days.

SkyBluePinkToday · 18/05/2017 16:00

Definitely right to go in and find out what is happening.
But I would hold off on the guns until the boys story has been confirmed.