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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if your DP plays video games?

72 replies

cleanlaundry · 15/05/2017 23:26

Especially straight after work? Like come home and spend 4/5 hours in front of the Xbox/PS4,eat in front of the TV, play little with the kid...then go to bed? Envy

How the flip do you deal with it?! And when do they essentially grow out of the games? If ever?

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 15/05/2017 23:29

They never grow out of them! But the should manage their time better. No man with a family should be spending 4/5 hours a night on them - that's ridiculous.

I actually like games too but only play very occasionally as it can encroach on family life.

Have you raised it with him? Does he realise he's spending so much time on it?

Tazerface · 15/05/2017 23:39

Well DH and I both do. We have an Xbox one each.

We could each spend hours on it and regularly do, however this is limited to down time at the weekend (when we're intentionally just watching movies, reading, playing games or whatever) and after the kids are in bed. Although the kids are old enough to play too.

It's not about the games. It's about making any hobby take precedence over family life. Eating in front of the Xbox - no way.

FeedMyFaceWithBattenberg · 15/05/2017 23:41

My DP plays his Xbox one when I'm at work.
And we play Lego dimensions together.
If I asked him to stop he would in a heartbeat though

Original poster
cleanlaundry · 15/05/2017 23:41

Damn i was hoping there would come a day on enlightenment and from then on no game would be worth investing time in...oh well.

I like games but I've a very short attention span with them, can't do it for long as it doesn't give me any gratification even if I'm winning.

It's a touchy subject to raise 🙄 if he's had a hard day at work that's how he unwinds. But it's really anti-social and anti-family.

Today he was on it for that long, and simultaneously listening to a YouTube video, even to the point where he wouldn't even start to eat his dinner without spending 10mins trying to find something to watch while he ate, like he actually wouldn't eat unless something was on to watch! I feel like I'm living with a teenage son sometimes Angry

literally immersed in screens and technology it just makes me sick to see it, no prolonged social interaction or much talk - particularly bad day today, not always like this but when it happens it's bad. I can never see the appeal of a full on technological orgy.

OP posts:
Tazerface · 15/05/2017 23:53

I agree his interaction levels are not good. He needs to step away.

Downtonishabby · 15/05/2017 23:56

Yip, it goes on when kids are in bed and tidying is done - as does my laptop! We have a few hours, then TV.
At weekends, he might put it on, on a Sunday afternoon but it generally with the kids so it's car racing, clicker heroes or mine craft while I attempt a peaceful bath!

Original poster
cleanlaundry · 16/05/2017 00:01

@Tazerface yeah I just have no idea how to move him away from that marathon game binge. @Downtonishabby how did your routine come about? Was it a ground rule from the get go?

OP posts:
ThePants999 · 16/05/2017 00:05

I've been a big gamer all my life, but my interest has started to dwindle now I'm in my thirties, and I waited until it did before starting a family. Now I generally only play on two specific evenings a week, and a few hours on a Sunday (DW and I each have some independent time off at the weekends while the other does childcare).

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 16/05/2017 00:44

My DP plays games when he's not with me but if he's playing he will switch it off when I come in the room, unless I say it's fine and I'll play on my ipad or come on here for 20 mins too. But 4/5 hours is taking the piss, it sounds like an addiction.

Have a proper dinner time at the table, no phones, no games and tell him he's being ignorant playing games instead of interacting with you and his DC.

I don't think my DP will ever grow out of gaming, it brings him joy and reminds him of happy times when he was younger. His DBs are big gamers too. It's nice as my 12 yo DS loves games too so he has someone to chat about it with! However, it should be something he can share with a DC, not give his attention to instead Sad

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/05/2017 00:49

My dp loves his PlayStation. Doesn't bother me in the eve so much as I tend to have people over / play on my phone etc but the weekends it infuriates me! Or if I'm driving and he's playing a phone game with no conversation that drives me stupidly mad!

scottishdiem · 16/05/2017 02:43

Gaming is fine if its not to the general detriment of other things. Finding something to watch while eating is odd but since I can play the same games for hours I dont think its the playing thats problematic. And I have many gadgets so a full on technological orgy sounds great.

It should not get in the way of interacting with ones own children. Or doing things together. DP and I do a lot outside of the house together so dont need that much general interaction for the sake of interaction at home. And we chat a lot on Facebook messenger during the day when we are at work.

You need to help him find other ways to destress as a 4/5 hour session every day isnt actually doing much for him and his interaction with you and your family.

Tazerface · 16/05/2017 11:34

Honestly I think you just need to bluntly tell him it feels like he's checking out of family life to play his game. Tell him how upsetting it is that he comes home and won't even eat with you, and that he is so obsessed he is listening to YouTube at the same time.

Topas0117 · 16/05/2017 11:55

My DP is 25 and still plays on his PS4. I occasionally play with him, it's fun! DP only ever plays it if he has the house to himself, or if I go for a long soak in the bath.

4/5 hours a day is not healthy and there's no way my DP would be doing it. He'd either have to buck up his ideas or leave!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 16/05/2017 11:59

In the past (exh) I found removing the fuse regularly worked a treat!

2014newme · 16/05/2017 12:02

He's never played one of owned one.
They're for kids!

swimmerforlife · 16/05/2017 12:05

DH is a gamer, although he's not a mega gamer (I think his interest has dwindled in recent years) and will only play after the kids are in bed late in the evening for an hour or so, it's not everyday day, only when we're at home with no activities planned and I'm doing something I like (m'netting, sewing etc)

I don't mind so long as it doesn't cut into family time and as he's a SAHD it gives him a chance to unwind after a long day talking only with small children.

Pinkheart5917 · 16/05/2017 12:09

Dh has an Xbox and he does enjoy playing his games but he only tends to play once the dc are in bed & after me and him have sat down together and enjoyed our dinner. He only doesn't play everyday maybe 2-3 times a week if that

RainyDayBear · 16/05/2017 12:10

DP is a gamer, but only when DD is napping or in bed, and is always happy to stop if we fancy watching a film or something. It never takes priority over family time, so hasn't been an issue.

BrucesTooth · 16/05/2017 12:14

I'd see gaming as any other hobby. So how that hobby fits into the rest of your life together is the issue. If it's a first go-to thing ahead of time with you/kids then that seems that you need to talk a bit about priorities. It's does sound like he's very disconnected with you all. My DH plays PS4 a few evenings a week but I play/watch too so it's something we do together. He does play a few games that I don't like to watch but he'll play those on a night when I'm out or want to do something else.

ofshoes · 16/05/2017 12:17

DW loves them.

I would play a bit but as soon as any game gets frustrating I turn it off and never go back. They're such a time sink too, I would rather be doing something vaguely contructive

rubiq · 16/05/2017 12:18

from a males perspective, im 40 now and played for over 35 years since the days of pacman and space invaders back in the 80s, i pretty much have all the latest consoles and games and yes i still play although over the last 12 months not as much as i have previously, i have a 5yr old son and a 1yr old son, the older one will play with me too some evenings, but still still do family stuff, board games, lego , movies, go park or family days out when weather isnt like today.

i enjoy it, i have a stressful job and dont drink/smoke or spend my nights/weekends in a pub or gamble the family money away so why shouldnt someone play games if they want too, its my escape just like watching a boxset of tv shows,

if hes at it every single night you should ask him for some time for you both a few nights a week but I would resent it if i was being TOLD i shouldnt play them, have you actually spoke to him about it before putting him to be slaughtered on here.. :(

makeourfuture · 16/05/2017 12:21

My wife and daughter have been MIA since Breath of the Wild was released. It is a work of art.

They are pretty avid gamers.

makeourfuture · 16/05/2017 12:29

4/5 hours a day

When they are trying to 100% a game I just bring them food and water every few hours....

HilariousGuitar · 16/05/2017 12:33

Gaming isn't the issue. Any hobby that he's so engrossed in that you can't tear yourself away from it even over dinner is a big problem. It would be the same if he was a cyclist and had to watch videos on...cycling things (I am not a cyclist, in case you hadn't guessed) during dinner, as well as spending hours on his bike after work, preparing his kit, fixing the bike etc.

My DH games and always has, but unless he's playing something with the kids he does it when they're in bed or not here.

Timeforabiscuit · 16/05/2017 12:33

... and when do you mumsnet? Grin

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