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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your DP plays video games?

72 replies

cleanlaundry · 15/05/2017 23:26

Especially straight after work? Like come home and spend 4/5 hours in front of the Xbox/PS4,eat in front of the TV, play little with the kid...then go to bed? Envy

How the flip do you deal with it?! And when do they essentially grow out of the games? If ever?

OP posts:
allegretto · 16/05/2017 12:39

No my dh doesn't and never has but it sounds like an addiction . Do you always have screens on when you eat? When do you talk? That alone would drive me mad.

wildcoffeeandbeans · 16/05/2017 12:49

Maybe frame it as "I want us to have dinner and time together afterwards (an hour or more?) without screens for any of us" rather than making it about the games directly. More likely to be successful if he's not on the defensive.

RedOrangeGoldLeaf · 16/05/2017 13:04

2014newme the number of games rated 18 rather shows that they're not for kids...

OP, DH and I both game pretty much every evening, together, then he continues for a while after I go to bed (he's more of an owl, I'm more of a lark). We enjoy it. BUT not until the children are in bed as before then we're, you know, parenting. Who is looking after your child while he's buggered off doing his own thing? It really isn't about hoping he'll "grow out of" games, it's about him opting out of family life and how you tackle that.

ThePants999 · 16/05/2017 13:38

2014newme absolute bollocks. Like any other form of entertainment media, different games are aimed at different target audiences, and there are plenty that are aimed at kids. But there are also plenty that are aimed at adults, many of which are entirely inappropriate for kids. To say "games are for kids" is as patently ridiculous as saying "movies are for kids" or "fiction books are for kids".

foreverloathing · 16/05/2017 13:46

My ex used to be on it 24/7. He worked from home and ended up working less and less and would sometimes stay up till 4am on his games.

It was ridiculous and one of the reasons I left him.

MyheartbelongstoG · 16/05/2017 13:53

Mine has zero interest. No football in my house either.

oblada · 16/05/2017 14:00

No video games or football here either :) I definitely wouldn't be happy with this arrangement, it seems very immature and it sets a bad example for the children. For one I feel quite strongly about meals being family time and certainly not screen time...talk to him and see whether he can reduce over time!

Eolian · 16/05/2017 14:04

It's like any other hobby or recreational activity - it's fine if you're not doing it when you should be doing something else! My dh plays games (as do I occasionally) but only when he has the genuinely free time to do so.

BertieBotts · 16/05/2017 14:06

Yes but I am just the same with forums - probably I'm worse.

No it's a hobby, not something people 'grow out of' if they have already got to the stage of wife, kids, own home and are still doing. It's a controversial one certainly but there is really nothing inherently wrong about games.

What is a pisstake is if he's putting his hobby and unwinding over his responsibilities. Kids, work and house come first, it's the same for any hobby.

But that said DH and I do our separate thing most evenings. It works for us. Perhaps you should talk to him about wanting to spend more time together and make sure you get some of his time and attention. Not many adults with kids have 4-5 hours every day to relax after all!

Vroomster · 16/05/2017 14:07

My ex used to play games constantly. He would regularly forget things because of it. I left him.

Sounds like your dp sees playing as more important, and there's no way there would be any screen time whilst eating dinner in our house.

I love this 'I need it to unwind' excuse. Because the other parent doesn't need to unwind, ever and should just continue doing everything. 🙄

jdoe8 · 16/05/2017 14:08

I could never have a partner that played computer games. Just wasting your life away IMO.

BetterEatCheese · 16/05/2017 14:16

Dp plays his occasionally when dd is ho but mostly after her bed time. She sometimes plays it with him.

Your dp's habit sounds excessive

BetterEatCheese · 16/05/2017 14:17

Up not ho!

JoshLymanJr · 16/05/2017 14:19

I love games and always have two or three on the go (currently Assassins Creed Syndicate and Fallout 4) but can't imagine having 4/5 hours per day to play them. By the time DCs are in bed, house tidied up, dishes done, etc. it's about 9pm, so 5 hours of gaming would mean a 2am bedtime (11pm is a late night for me)!!

I could never have a partner that played computer games. Just wasting your life away IMO.

Would you object to a partner who reads books, plays sport, does puzzles or watches films?

MiaowTheCat · 16/05/2017 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charley50 · 16/05/2017 14:30

My DP plays a lot. But he will cook dinner first and most days we don't have screens while we are eating. He got DS into gaming pretty young too, which in a way pisses me off, but many / most (?) teens are into gaming, so it was only a matter of time. I got into mumsnet cuz of DPs gaming, so I could thank him for that. He doesn't watch much TV or go to the pub, he loves everything about his game.
It's not the best role model for kids though is it? Being so disengaged. I think you need to ban screens while eating at the table and suggest he waits until the dcs are in bed.

Charley50 · 16/05/2017 14:31

Also; it needs a counterbalance: bike rides, swimming or walks in the woods at the weekend. Does he want to spend his kids childhood staring at a screen?

amusedbush · 16/05/2017 14:49

Yes, DH plays games on the Xbox most days. I can't stand Fifa but there are a few that I enjoy watching him play, almost like a movie.

MissWilmottsGhost · 16/05/2017 15:02

It's not his hobby that's the problem OP, it is that he's doing it during 'family time'.

DH loves gaming but doesn't even put a game on until after DD is in bed. He did go through a time when he would be engrossed for hours and I would never see him. He realized it was a problem and made an effort to change his habits. He changed the games he played for ones which he found less addictive and put a little alarm clock by his pc that he would set for e.g. 1 hour so he wouldn't loose track of how long he had been playing.

He did these things to change because he is a lovely man and not a selfish dick.

Louiselouie0890 · 16/05/2017 15:23

Mine goes on his after babies in bed so 7 he can do what he likes then I get to go bed and have peace and quiet or catch up on my soaps lol

worridmum · 16/05/2017 15:41

why are games seen in such a negitive light? and films are not?

Films you watch for 2 -3 hours no input no interaction just sitting there watching in contrast to most games were there is interaction and thought is used to solve puzzles etc

Games similuate though where as most TV and movies are senless passive things

ThePants999 · 16/05/2017 15:46

Absolutely. I find it hilarious when people tut at gamers "wasting their lives away" while sat in front of the telly with their brains switched off. Or, for that matter, browsing an internet forum.

Original poster
cleanlaundry · 16/05/2017 15:52

Wow such a broad scope! Yeah I think the problem is the time invested rather than the game. It does sometimes take over family time and stuff like making dinner/eating dinner. I think I resent the gaming much more because of the way its prioritised.

That and football ffs there was once a point where every weekend he'll be watching a match during the day and we couldn't do anything together. I hate football now and I resent him for watching it because of that period of time when it was all that mattered.

I have sent him a concise heads up message now because we never got a chance to talk yesterday because of said gaming. Nor this morning because we both work. I'll expect to expand on the message and have a conversation in the evening.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 16/05/2017 15:54

My husband plays ps4 when is gone to bed maybe once or twice a month. I Hear him talking to one of his friends from my
Bedroom.

Original poster
cleanlaundry · 16/05/2017 15:55

@worridmum I can't handle movies anymore Wink get bored and fidgety and sometimes end up sleeping through it. Makes me sad as I loved cinema outings in the evenings

OP posts:
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