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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About the neighbor and my DC

74 replies

WinterWinds001 · 15/05/2017 16:16

Hi, Long time lurker but first post! I'll try to include everything so as not to drip feed. This will be long so apologies in advance!

We moved into a (mid-terrace) house with, then 5 month old DS in 2014. All was well and good. Neighbor on one side moved out late that year and in moved new neighbor, This is when problems began.

within 2 weeks we had a letter through the door stating exact day, date and times our DS (then just turned 1) had disturbed her and to fix it. I was mortified and went about trying to fix everything.

Its been a new complaint every few months since,with varying problems/times of day with each complaint. as soon as we try to accommodate one thing, she comes up with another! all complaints are done through her contacting our landlord, she has never been round here.

We had DD late 2015 and its been constant since, any time of day any day of the week shes thumping on the walls the minute one of the DC makes a noise. DS was so frightened after one particularly aggressive thumping session after he ran to the toilet when potty training he refused to use the toilet in our house for 2 weeks.

We have bent over backwards to accommodate her. Adjusting wake up time later, pushing bedtime later, switching bedrooms because the noise of the door opening in the smaller room annoyed her, banned the DC from upstairs are to name a few.

New complaint via landlord this week, she can apparently hear the stair gates and doesn't like the DC being upstairs at bath/bedtime because the floors are creaky and the walls thin. DD18m means stair gates are non negotiable and minus levitating them harry potter style to bed I'm at wits end with it all, constantly on edge telling DC off for being kids.

As an aside note, she has never had children and lives alone. My DC sleep 12 hours through 7-7 without fail, no parties, loud tvs at night ect. Not sure if this is relevant or not!

So AIBU to tell her to piss off and rent a detached house somewhere if she wants to live in silence?!

OP posts:
hmroyal · 15/05/2017 16:20

Are you renting this house? if so, you need to speak to your landlord about getting the walls soundproofed. If she's renting, she should be talking to her landlord about it, not you any more.

Original poster
WinterWinds001 · 15/05/2017 16:21

We are both renting.
Forgot to add, have asked neighbor on the other side and she has said she never hears us or the dc more than shed expect to. no issues from that side at all.

OP posts:
RainbowPastel · 15/05/2017 16:22

You were wrong in the first place to try and change your way of life. It sounds like normal household noise that she needs to live with. Tell the landlord you will not be standing for her nonsense any more.

TheMythOfFingerprints · 15/05/2017 16:22

What does your landlord say?

I wouldn't tell her to fuck off (although I'd want to - she sounds fucking awful), but I would post the details for the local sound nuisance/environmental health/council through her door and stop feeling guilty in my own home.

FlowersWineCake

AirBiscuitEater · 15/05/2017 16:23

She is being completely unreasonable! I don't know how you've put up with it for this long tbh OP. What a crappy way to live.

Are you renting or do you own? Is there anyway you can complain to her landlord about these unreasonable complaints/requests?

Original poster
WinterWinds001 · 15/05/2017 16:26

My landlord on passes on the complaints, though has said he isn't bothered by them and isn't going to do anything about them as he doesn't think we are doing anything wrong.

I have considered complaining to her landlord about what feels like harassment in our own home! So may follow that up.
Thankyou though, i thought i must be going mad and must be the neighbor from hell, so it is nice to know from an outside perspective we're not doing anything wrong!

OP posts:
SheSaidHeSaid · 15/05/2017 16:26

Is there any way that the previous occupants can be contacted to find out whether the noise really was that bad? Does your neighbour rent too, if so, you could ask the agent?

If things are that bad for her she should contact Environmental Health who can set up monitoring equipment to see whether her complaint is legitimate. If it is deemed to be an actual nuisance, after monitoring, then your LL or your neighbour should look to soundproof.

It sounds like your noise is only the standard household type of noise. Her banging on the walls on the other hand is harassment as it's deliberate.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/05/2017 16:27

This is ridiculous, she's harassing you. You shouldn't make any more adjustments, imo, as long as you're not making excessive noise. Complaints about a creaky stairgate are ridiculous?.

Do you have the same landlord by any chance?

I think I'd be writing her a letter, copied to my landlord, asking that she stop banging on the wall and scaring your child, and that she stop harassing you about normal day-to-day noises.

chitofftheshovel · 15/05/2017 16:28

You have a right to reasonable enjoyment of your house. What she is complaining about is ridiculous. I would be considerate towards her re noise but not bow down to her. So ask the kids not to jump around upstairs/on the stairs but allow them upstairs. If you live mid-terrace you have to expect a certain amount of noise to carry.

Obviously don't tell her to piss off but you could return her bangs on the wall...

ZilphasHatpin · 15/05/2017 16:29

Get a solicitor to write a cease and desist letter to her. If she continues then press harassment charges. Don't change your life for her.

Bringmewineandcake · 15/05/2017 16:29

You can't live like that, Winter. Normal family noise is to be expected in a terrace. I second a PP's comments about reporting all her harassment to her landlord, maybe even 101.
Just live your lives with a normal amount of noise and ignore ignore ignore.

Funnyface1 · 15/05/2017 16:30

Your walls must be like tissue paper! Or not since your other neighbours aren't disturbed by you. Children make noise, daytime noise is fair enough. If you were letting them tear round banging at 9/10 at night you would be unreasonable. But if they are settled around 7 then I don't know what her problem is. Talk to your landlord. Explain that you have done everything you can to be considerate and you don't want bothering again unless she has proof that you are making excessive noise at unreasonable times.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/05/2017 16:30

"ZilphasHatpin

Get a solicitor to write a cease and desist letter to her. If she continues then press harassment charges. Don't change your life for her."

This. This x 10000

PurpleMinionMummy · 15/05/2017 16:31

I'd stick a note through telling her to go to environmental health if she has a problem as you and the landlord are sick of her harassing you both! I'd get the ll ok before you say it though.

BeeFarseer · 15/05/2017 16:31

She's harassing you. Tell your landlord you are making normal, reasonable household noise and have generously tried to change routines to minimise the noise, but she expects complete silence which is unreasonable. I'd also say to the landlord that there's nothing further you can do so you'd appreciate it if they could tell the neighbour to direct any future complaints to the council. You might get somewhere then, if they investigate and tell her to fuck off with her unreasonable expectations.

You could also throw in that her harassment is interfering with your right as a tenant to peaceful enjoyment of your home.

akkakk · 15/05/2017 16:32

log every time she complains / every time she bangs on the wall / every time she impacts your life...

the get a letter from your other neighbour confirming no issues...

then when you have done that - if you need to - contact the police, it is harassment pure and simple - there is no right to quiet - esp. in a terrace, if she wants quiet she can move to an island...

Original poster
WinterWinds001 · 15/05/2017 16:36

We have different landlords but even her own landlord has stated he cant ask us to change anything and cant do anything about it.

Ds is now 3 and is very quiet when upstairs as hes old enough to understand but DD being only 18 months doesn't get it yet and so we only allow her upstairs when we absolutely have to which is now bedtime/bath time and if I'm in shower and DP is not home to keep her downstairs.

Will talk to DP when he gets home from work and decide what to do because were all treading on eggshells panicking if DD falls over or bangs into a wall accidentally.

OP posts:
AnnetteCurtains · 15/05/2017 16:38

ignore her
you are just living normally

Firenight · 15/05/2017 16:43

I would tackle this as harassment. She sounds horrendous.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2017 16:44

Her landlord certainly can point out that he's receiving compaints from you in return and that you are also going to take it to the council and complain about harassment and that he thinks you have a point... and that it would certainly have a bearing on him renewing her tenancy.

Cease and desist letter and then council - env health? Not sure.

FallenSky · 15/05/2017 16:50

Let her complain. You're doing nothing wrong. From right this minute you need to stop treading on eggshells. Let your DC make normal living noises. Let them play, do not live in fear in your own home!

Starlight2345 · 15/05/2017 16:51

I think the problem is she thinks she has the right to tell you how to live..You should take your DD upstairs whenever you want to. You should move the house how it works for you as a neighbour.

You should not have to walk on eggshells in your home. I think it is time to fight back whatever route you take.

Italiangreyhound · 15/05/2017 16:53

Have you been in her house when your family are at home and heard how loud it is, or is not.

I ask her to let you in when your dh is home and see how it sounds.

Suggest you join forces and both as the landlord to sound proof the shared wall.

If this does not work I would ignore her. I would also tell her if you leave then the people who come next may be much louder than you.

We used to live in a terraced house. Our neighbors could hear us eating breakfast!

Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 15/05/2017 16:53

I suggest you ask her to let you in...

FanaticalFox · 15/05/2017 16:55

You've been wayyyyyyy too accomodating. It is now time to return the favour definitely agree with the cease and desist letter immediately sent to her directly and also a copy to her landlord. She is taking the piss and like you say she needs to fuck off to a detached house in deepest darkest countryside somewhere if she doesnt like it. Your poor DC cant keep walking in eggshells.