About the neighbor and my DC

[WinterWinds001]

Hi, Long time lurker but first post! I'll try to include everything so as not to drip feed. This will be long so apologies in advance!

We moved into a (mid-terrace) house with, then 5 month old DS in 2014. All was well and good. Neighbor on one side moved out late that year and in moved new neighbor, This is when problems began.

within 2 weeks we had a letter through the door stating exact day, date and times our DS (then just turned 1) had disturbed her and to fix it. I was mortified and went about trying to fix everything.

Its been a new complaint every few months since,with varying problems/times of day with each complaint. as soon as we try to accommodate one thing, she comes up with another! all complaints are done through her contacting our landlord, she has never been round here.

We had DD late 2015 and its been constant since, any time of day any day of the week shes thumping on the walls the minute one of the DC makes a noise. DS was so frightened after one particularly aggressive thumping session after he ran to the toilet when potty training he refused to use the toilet in our house for 2 weeks.

We have bent over backwards to accommodate her. Adjusting wake up time later, pushing bedtime later, switching bedrooms because the noise of the door opening in the smaller room annoyed her, banned the DC from upstairs are to name a few.

New complaint via landlord this week, she can apparently hear the stair gates and doesn't like the DC being upstairs at bath/bedtime because the floors are creaky and the walls thin. DD18m means stair gates are non negotiable and minus levitating them harry potter style to bed I'm at wits end with it all, constantly on edge telling DC off for being kids.

As an aside note, she has never had children and lives alone. My DC sleep 12 hours through 7-7 without fail, no parties, loud tvs at night ect. Not sure if this is relevant or not!

So AIBU to tell her to piss off and rent a detached house somewhere if she wants to live in silence?!

The neighbour is BU to the point of lunacy. What you describe is the normal soundtrack of everyday normal everyday life.

I'd write her a polite letter saying that, and advise her to contact environmental health if she feels it is unreasonable. Explain that the banging on the party wall IS unreasonable and is distressing to your children, causing more noise. Then say that you regard the constant complaints via the landlord to be harassment and that you will not hesitate to take action against her if it persists.

I feel quite sorry for her. Some people are incredibly noise sensitive and it must be hell, but nobody forced her to rent a house next to a family with a young child.

She is clearly mad. What on earth does she expect living in a residential area? The sounds of birds and bees and nothing else?

She should be grateful she's not living next door to a house of students or a house with teens who have a drum kit.

We live in a terraced house. Next door has a 5 year old and 3 year old. We hear them. Especially when the 5 year old is objecting to bath or bed time :o It's just one of those things. It actually makes me nostalgic for the toddler days.

Tell her to do one.

Our tenants also suffered from seriously ridiculous complaints from the neighbour, really dumb stuff like they were banging on the radiators at midnight. She told the four year old he should kill his daddy. She says they are thieves and should not be in the country-the tenants are Polish and delightful, frankly. The neighbour is from another European country but clearly considers herself superior, having been in the country longer. Her best pals in the street are a lovely black couple who I spent time with whilst renovating. Weird. I think it's the Polish bit she dislikes.

The tenants ended up with the council coming round to 'mediate' (separately). As soon as I heard about her nastiness, I told the tenants to phone the police about the harassment. I suggest you do the same, OP. Stop bloody pandering to this horrible woman. Do what you like and stop being afraid to breathe!

Op i don't understand why you have been jumping at her every complaint.

What do you think the council would say if she complained about 5he noise of a child having a bath in the early evening ? They would think she is batshit crazy.

Stop engaging witj it immediately she will get bored hopefully. I would have to move away from that level of harassment !!

You need to stop creeping about and the landlord needs to grow some. Tell him this is making you constantly anxious and you would prefer it if he filtered complaints from now on. I bet both ll are sick of her. Let her move if she cannot stand the usual noise of a young family.

I think there's this thing where if the houses were built before 2004 they have thinner walls and so anything like hoovering or hairdryers and obviously children is classed as normal household noise and so shouldn't be complained about. If it was built after 2004 how can anyone be so impatient and irritable with normal everyday sounds???

Does she live alone?
Stop changing your lives for the sake of a neighbour
You've been too accommodating and she's taking the piss now to be frank with you
Does your husband ag

Agree with you changing everything around and not being able to stay upstairs in fear of upsetting the moody bitch next door?!

DP has always been the more up front one and has wanted to tell her to shove it for a long time.

I have held him back, hoping for a good relationship with neighbors and to avoid confrontation. He was pleased when I told him we Weren't going to put up with it anymore and is phoning the landlord first thing.

Kids have gone to bed like normal but with no worries from me when DD ran off to avoid getting her teeth brushed, its actually quite liberating!

They are good kids really, never up in the night and could set your clock by the 12hrs they sleep so it is only daytime noise she could possibly complain about but we can hear her too, as you expect living in a terrace!

Feeling much better about it all!

Yes she lives alone, she has never had kids and so part of me felt bad that she just didn't understand! Wont waste my thoughts on it now though.

She's a bully. Tell her never to contact you again. Enjoy your normal family life.

We have bent over backwards to accommodate her. Adjusting wake up time later, pushing bedtime later, switching bedrooms because the noise of the door opening in the smaller room annoyed her, banned the DC from upstairs are to name a few.

This is where you have been going wrong OP. The more you give into her, the more the pisstaking will escalate.

Let DP tell her to fuck off.

Well she's ridiculous and shouldn't have purchased a home near anyone else if she wants to live in silence so more fool her!

I would either write to her and tell her that you've tried to accommodate her ridiculous requests as much as possible but you have a right to enjoy your home and she cannot expect silence in a terraced house. If she has any further complaints tell her to speak to the council. Then I'd just ignore her. I wouldn't waste money on solicitors etc - she doesn't have a leg to stand on if you're making normal, everyday noise. Certainly don't feel your children can't be in certain rooms etc.
And be aware that you're neighbour might not be altogether ok. DH had a neighbour who insisted that he and his friend who he lived with were playing their music loudly at all hours when he was in university. Thing is they had only moved in the week before and didn't have a stereo or TV or anything. I met the guy and he either had serious mh problems or was on something or both. I have no doubt he was hearing the music - but no-one was playing it.

If this was reported to the council she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. If your landlord isn't bothered and here isn't any risk of eviction I would personally completely ignore the neighbour. You have been far more than reasonable and she has frightened your children.

I'm a bit late to the party here but YABU OP. They sleep from 7 'til 7? What on earth is her problem?! So glad you are speaking to your landlord about this. She can't have much else to do with her time and is making complaining her full-time job.

I feel bad for your 3yo, having to tiptoe around his own house. Bollocks to that, frankly. Time for normal toddler noise to resume (and I don't meant anything excessive, just normal noise).

"inkydinky

Can I suggest buying a trampoline?"

😁😂

"Tell her to write down all her complaints...every single one...in ink, on a slip of good quality paper, roll it up neatly, secure it with a silk ribbon in a nice colour...then insert it carefully into her anus."

@pictish I have been laughing about this for the last 5 minutes.

OP - I wouldn't write to her. I would simply stop thinking about her, tell your landlord to stop passing messages on, and live your life. If any of her messages get through to you, ignore them. The thing is, she can't do anything to you. So just ignore her and smile breezily if you see her.

She'd positively have kittens if she lived next to us, ds woke crying every 2hrs all night every night until he was about 18 months, 7 months later he still wakes crying 2-3 times a night. She's blessed with 12hr sleepers next door!

Glad to see your latest updated. I was halfway through the thread when I logged in to say STOP IT NOW!!. Live your life.

We lived in a block of flats previously. 8 flats 2 per floor. We lived on floor 4. Our complaining neighbour was on floor 2, so a flat in between us and one below her but she decided that we were the cause of any noise. (No idea why, no children, pets, I worked a lot of nights, DP traveled with work)

Unfortunately the first couple of times she complained it was only DP at home and he instantly apologised etc.

When I heard about this I pointed out to DP that we'd lived there 4 years with no issues. So the problem had to be hers.

She complained to me once and I pointed out the above. And shut the door in her face. After that she'd wait till I went out to moan, DP too polite…

It took her complaining about the noise we'd made all weekend when we'd been out of the country for him to see how unreasonable she was being.

A week later she came bashing on our door to complain about the noise we'd made the previous night…DP was out of the country I'd been on a night shift, she woke me.

She got both barrels and was told I was make a complaint to the police for harassment, and her LL.

We never heard another word.

Your neighbour is a bully

Got a baby in flat above me who has one of those bouncy things so bang bang for ages - have I ever complained? No. The mother had to put up with my then two year old when we moved in running around and making a lot of noise for years and she never complained. My daughter at 7 is still very noisy but obviously sleeps through the night and my neighbour and I spend ages apologising to each other about noise! She does have a poorly lined wooden floor though which is rather annoying but the rowdy sex has died down since the baby arrived. Used to feel like I was involved! I can sleep through baby noise as I know it isn't mine but if my own girl sneezes I wake up. Your neighbour sounds totally crazy OP - maybe jealous of your family life as she is on her own? Ignore, ignore ignore. All should be through your LL. Hope it gets better,

Children asleep by 7pm? She's being totally unreasonable. Tell your landlord that you're not making any noise above normal family use of the home and to not send you her messages anymore.

I think there's this thing where if the houses were built before 2004 they have thinner walls and so anything like hoovering or hairdryers

Not just houses before 2004, mine was built in 2015 and I can hear my neighbours talking, sneezing, closing doors etc.

I just get on with life though because if I can hear them they can hear me.

She would have received around a million harassment charges from me for harassing my children.
What are you waiting for? Go on and do this!