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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I might just scream at some judgy twunt

68 replies

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:15

So I have a teenage DD who has some long term health issues. Not life limiting or anything but very much lifestyle limiting.

As part of her care, she has an ultrasound every 6 months but because of her age this is done at our women and children hospital which basically means on the maternity unit.

So, when we turn up tomorrow morning, we will be sat with a bunch of pregnant ladies and whoever is with them and my DD will be subjected to many nudge, nudge, look at how young she is type of looks and whispered comments between them. An occasional headshake in my direction to have allowed my DD to be in "trouble" so young etc.

Over the past couple of years, I've taken a deep breath and ignored them because my DD doesn't like scenes but it's really starting to get on my nerves so my question dear mums netters is wibu to wait until the nudging starts and then tell them that they are a bunch of judgy twunts and should be ashamed of themselves and by the way, ultrasound is for many reasons, not just for pregnant women.

OP posts:

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 14/05/2017 18:19

I completely understand your anger.
How does DD react to calm confrontation?
I find calmly giving TMI is the antidote to "mind your own business".

user1481795553 · 14/05/2017 18:21

I had ultrasounds as a teen and was mortified that people were looking at me in a judging way. Stand up for your dd, she has enough to go through with her health and she needs to know that you support her people should not judge her because of where the nhs decide she needs examinations

user1481795553 · 14/05/2017 18:21

NavyandWhite · 14/05/2017 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:25

I think she would be even more annoyed with me if I gave tmi. She's just at that age where everything is embarrassing, particularly parents! I just feel bad for her, she's been through so much and just starting to get a handle on things and then people behave like that.

OP posts:

flumpybear · 14/05/2017 18:25

I'd say quite loudly to my DD 'I think people are staring because they ignorantly assume you're pregnant rather than unwell - oh well, more
Fool them
For being so judgmental and assuming this is obstetrics only .... rather than obs and gynae '

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 14/05/2017 18:25

YANBU, I hated waiting in ultrasound departments both when pregnant and when not (had investigations for other things). I actually had a hormonal breakdown at a judgy woman in one last pregnancy and although satisfying I think it probably garnered me more judgement not less.
As PP said calmly telling them far too much often helps shame them into fucking off.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 14/05/2017 18:26

Oops sorry cross post, flumpys suggestion is good in that case!

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:27

They give batch appointments navy. Ours is 9.30 to 10.30 and so will 14 other people. You just have to sit until they call you

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 14/05/2017 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ethylred · 14/05/2017 18:29

Or maybe other people simply don't care.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 14/05/2017 18:31

YANBU. People can be twats .

SouthWestmom · 14/05/2017 18:32

Ok but any kind of 'she's not pregnant' kind of implies it would be ok to judge if she was. Like your objection is they think she's a single teen mum. Fine if it is, tell them they are wrong. But think about the message you are joining in with.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 14/05/2017 18:32

What ethy said!

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:33

Thanks guys. Just needed to vent I think, getting myself wound up already. I will probably just sit there as usual and then make some comment to DD about isn't it nice that the pregnancy ultrasound is attached to the children's ward so she doesn't have to go to the main hospital for her check up. Just argh though at people being so judgemental when they don't know anything about it.

OP posts:

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 14/05/2017 18:33

That comment sounds perfect Angel. By that you should have to make one at all of course.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 14/05/2017 18:34

Must learn to proof read! Not that you should have to make one I meant to say.

milliemolliemou · 14/05/2017 18:35

Mention it to the hospital. Suggest they put up a sign saying Ultrasound for pregnancy and children's disorders. Or whatever.

gabsdot · 14/05/2017 18:35

You could wear a fake baby bump. Then people will think the appt is for you.

isadoradancing123 · 14/05/2017 18:36

Not doubting you at all, but am just amazed that people can be so rude and ignorant as to comment

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2017 18:36

Get a t shirt made with "no she's not pg. She is poorly. Regret judging?" Printed on the back. Preferably with a head tilt picture by the side.
Put a coat or blazer or cardy on. Remove just for the walk OUT of the waiting room.

Hope the scan goes well and she's ok.

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:37

Noeuf not at all. My complaint is that they feel free to judge on an assumption. I don't really care one way or another about the age of anyone else in there. As far as I'm concerned I judge parents on the way they treat their child and it's irrelevant what age they are. Parents can be great or crap or, like most of us, somewhere in between regardless of if they are 15 or 45.

OP posts:

Dawndonnaagain · 14/05/2017 18:38

DD, has pcos. She has had regular scans since she was 15. She now walks in and says 'before you start, I"m not up the duff and mind your own business'.
Before that, I used to say it for her.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/05/2017 18:38

I had to have a couple of ultrasounds when I was a teen to look at some problems I had going on with my tubes and womb. Perhaps I was naive but I never once thought that other people were assuming I was a teen pregnancy. People get ultrasounds for all sorts of reasons.
I understand your annoyance if you guys have been subject to "judging" but I think you need to let it go for your daughter's sake.

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:38

Wolfie

OP posts:

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