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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I might just scream at some judgy twunt

68 replies

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:15

So I have a teenage DD who has some long term health issues. Not life limiting or anything but very much lifestyle limiting.

As part of her care, she has an ultrasound every 6 months but because of her age this is done at our women and children hospital which basically means on the maternity unit.

So, when we turn up tomorrow morning, we will be sat with a bunch of pregnant ladies and whoever is with them and my DD will be subjected to many nudge, nudge, look at how young she is type of looks and whispered comments between them. An occasional headshake in my direction to have allowed my DD to be in "trouble" so young etc.

Over the past couple of years, I've taken a deep breath and ignored them because my DD doesn't like scenes but it's really starting to get on my nerves so my question dear mums netters is wibu to wait until the nudging starts and then tell them that they are a bunch of judgy twunts and should be ashamed of themselves and by the way, ultrasound is for many reasons, not just for pregnant women.

OP posts:

TypicallyEnglishMustard · 14/05/2017 18:39

Dawn, your daughter sounds awesome.

Fl0ellafunbags · 14/05/2017 18:40

Oh bless her. Do NOT be embarrassing Mum though. Take a fidget stick or whatever they're called and hit it with a spanner.

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:42

Dawn your daughter is fantastic

OP posts:

BadKnee · 14/05/2017 18:44

They may be thinking nothing of the sort. I was accosted the other day by some woman who said "Had a good look did you? Wanna call social services?" I had no idea what she was talking about, hadn't even noticed her and was actually worrying myself sick about some test results that I was due and wondering how the fuck I was going to cope if the results were what I feared. (Still don't know)

It isn't always what we think.

chocolateworshipper · 14/05/2017 18:46

I'd be tempted to stick my own stomach out and be rubbing it when DD isn't looking.

Either that, or I'd take pearl necklaces with me and hand them out to anyone looking and say "you look like to need to clutch one of these"

AlmostAJillSandwich · 14/05/2017 18:46

I had one at 16 or 17 to diagnose PCOS, judgey people are urgh.

NavyandWhite · 14/05/2017 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisypond · 14/05/2017 18:49

People have ultrasounds for all sorts of things - I've had a couple that were not in the least bit ob/gyn/maternity related.

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:49

chocolate can't afford pearl necklaces but in true MN style I could hand out

OP posts:

uggmum · 14/05/2017 18:52

I had an experience like this. When my dd was 12 she was admitted to hospital for appendicitis.

They wanted to scan her and sent her down to ultrasound. They were busy so they took her to the Early Pregnancy Unit as they had space available.

I was told to meet her there.
I went in and couldn't see her.
I asked a staff member if she was there.

She asked how old she was and I said 12.
She then very loudly said 'no I haven't seen any 12 year olds today.
She then shouted across to other members of staff and asked them the same thing. They replied that they hadn't scanned any 12 year old either.

All of this was played out to a crowded waiting room. It was said in a judgemental way and there was plenty Of tutting and head shaking. I was not impressed.
If I had been there with a 12 year old that needed a pregnancy scan I would hope to be dealt with sensitively.

Witchend · 14/05/2017 18:53

Our hospital has maternity ultrasounds separate from other issues, but they also have a separate place to wait if you've had bad news or potentially might get bad news. Maybe if you could wait there if they have one?

chocolateworshipper · 14/05/2017 18:54

Great idea OP !!

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 18:58

Thanks for the suggestion witchend but I would feel awful if someone actually needed that area for those reasons and we were intruding. That is much worse than coping with judgy people

OP posts:

Fragglez · 14/05/2017 19:01

Could you go to the desk and ask in a carrying voice "Is there is anything you can do to help as every time my daughter comes for her routine scan we are both subjected to unpleasant looks and comments and it is very upsetting. Please is there somewhere else she can wait in future?"

Digestive28 · 14/05/2017 19:03

You are in a hospital, people there are much more likely to be having their own stuff going on which is playing on their minds, they are unlikely to be sat judging you.

Digestive28 · 14/05/2017 19:04

I also am sure I pull unpleasant faces when caught in my own thoughts, so could be their internal worry rather then judgement at you!

Bloodybridget · 14/05/2017 19:05

She could make herself a badge saying "No, I'm not pregnant".

daisypond · 14/05/2017 19:05

Uggmum - that is terrible if the staff were being judgy.

DreamilyLookingOutOfTheWindow · 14/05/2017 19:06

I think this is a great opportunity for your DD to learn to not worry what other people think.

Seriously, this topic isn't even worth considering

what complete strangers think

Original poster

Angelicinnocent · 14/05/2017 19:06

As always, you lovely lot have cheered me up. I'm off to have a bath, a cuppa and then channel my inner something or other ready for morning. Thanks all

OP posts:

FadedRed · 14/05/2017 19:10

You won't be the only person to whom this is an issue. Could you write/talk to someone in charge, maybe through PALS and suggest a large notice on the wall that reminds all patients that "the department covers obstetric and non-obstretic scans and all those who attend should be mindful of the needs of others, for whom this can be a difficult/worrying time". This would also be helpful to others attending for condition management/diagnosis/ pregnancy problems.
It wouldn't stop all the very thoughtless people who have nothing better to do than judge strangers, but it might make the majority realise that your DD could be there for reasons other than pregnancy.
Sorry you have to put up with this, there's no cure for stupid, is there?

NavyandWhite · 14/05/2017 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 14/05/2017 19:22

thee's no cure for stupid, is there?
Other people are probably not spending even a tiny fraction of the time you think they are judging your dd.
Unless they're actually commenting about her within earshot? Most people in an ultrasound department are far more interested in their own upcoming appointment than wondering about the back story of someone else in the waiting room.
If you start making your own comments to spike their guns, all you'll do is draw attention to her that probably wasn't there in the first place.

seafoodeatit · 14/05/2017 19:26

YANBU, but people really should mind their own business!

When I was pregnant with my DD I was told to cheer up in the waiting room, I was waiting for a scan because they'd not been able to pick up a heartbeat during my routine appointment.( Everything turned out to be fine thankfully.)

ocdprobs · 14/05/2017 19:42

I had an ultra sound recently and I didn't even consider people would like I was pregnant! I'd have thought most people are aware there are many reasons for one!?

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