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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a boob job done on the sly?

70 replies

Zhan · 10/05/2017 16:29

My bra size is 32FF. I hate them - I think they make me look fat, give me back ache, my shoulders kill from bra straps, I'm self conscious and basically just want them reduced. DH says no as it's a waste of money and he likes them the way they are.

I don't. AIBU to get it done anyway without telling him? Obviously he'll notice once it's done but then it will be too late and he'll have to get over it.

It costs around £6k

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 10/05/2017 16:32

I feel your pain, I'm a 32GG. If you can afford it then go for it, why does your dh get to decide what size your boobs are??

HoneyDragon · 10/05/2017 16:32

One: bugger all to do with him
Two: it's not something you can sneak off and do. It's quite serious surgery with significant recovery time.

Hellothereitsme · 10/05/2017 16:33

They are your boobs. Do you have your own savings or a loan that you could use? I would just tell him you are getting them done. You are an adult.

Chippednailvarnishing · 10/05/2017 16:34

Tell him to mind his own business, I'm disgusted that his preference for breast size trumps your comfort and health.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 10/05/2017 16:34

It's your body and your choice. I have been tempted myself (30GG) but I'm too scared of surgery.

Brittbugs80 · 10/05/2017 16:34

32gg here too.

Curvy Kate bra range changed my life!! More supportive and comfortable than Bravissimo, Panache and most others I've tried!

But if you can afford and want to, why not. I wouldn't hide it from DH though, you might want him at hospital for support and getting home after

Justanothernameonthepage · 10/05/2017 16:36

As long as you can afford it, YANBU. It honestly doesn't matter if he cares more about your breasts than your health. But you will need help during recovery, doesn't have to be him though.

HoneyDragon · 10/05/2017 16:36

My Dh's attitude to mine was "I love you how you are but I love you happy and comfortable more" he supported me right through mine.

QuimReaper · 10/05/2017 16:37

Confused at "DH says no".

It's not like you want to spend the family money on bum implants or something.

blibblibs · 10/05/2017 16:38

Are you sure you're a 32FF?
I just wondered if your been measured the mn way as I'm a 32FF and not really that big. With the pain your experiencing in your back and shoulders your bra possibly doesn't fit properly.
No offence intended and of course if a reduction is what you want then it's your decision to make not DH.

FuckYouLinda · 10/05/2017 16:39

Oh. Well if he likes them like that then what does it matter if your back and shoulders are fucked? Hmm

He's a twat. Your health is suffering. Your self esteem is affected. Book your consult, book your operation and tell him it's happening.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 10/05/2017 16:40

I had a reduction in December. Best thing I've ever done. I was a 34gg. Now don't even need to wear a bra. it is a pretty major thing to do though and it was a month before I was able to drive and the recovery time is about that long too.

IJustLostTheGame · 10/05/2017 16:40

It's not a waste of money.
I'm saving for one.
It's your body.
My DH felt similar to yours until I put it as a health reason. My neck and back hurt constantly.

Original poster
Zhan · 10/05/2017 17:02

My boobs are also really saggy, will having them reduced improve the shape or will that be an additional cost?

OP posts:
user3459859083590890 · 10/05/2017 17:05

If they are giving you back-ache, that's a medical issue and you should see your GP. You could get them reduced via the NHS.

As for your DH would he be happy to endure something that gave him back-ache? I doubt it. He doesn't sound like he considers your boobs beyond his gratification.

If the NHS cannot help you for some reason, definitely spend the money. What could be a more important? The back-ache could get really serious as the years go on. It's not a trivial matter at all.

FoxyRoxy · 10/05/2017 17:15

I'm a 30G and my boobs really aren't that big... are you sure you've been measured right? Curvy Kate and Freya are my go to brands and I hardly feel like I'm wearing a bra. I'd make sure you were in properly fitting bras first before considering surgery. There's a fb group and blog called fairyboobmother (nonprofit) who advise on bra fitting, might be worth a look.

Your body is yours, if you choose to have surgery then it's not up to your DH and since he doesn't have to carry them around on his chest he had no say in what you do with your own breasts.

^^I will happily delete this post if it's breaking mn rules, I will go and check now.

highinthesky · 10/05/2017 17:23

YAVBU to do this on the sly. It's your body, your choice, and time for you OH to wake up to the fact he's in no position dictate terms.

If there's any permission to be sought, it would be about spending your joint funds and care after the procedure - but would he deny you a knee replacement, for example?

If it its about the pain, go to your GP by all means but don't expect that a medical case for surgery will be approved. FF is not that large and you are likely to be given some postural exercises / a referral to a physio first. If you go to a cosmetic surgeon first they are unlikely to persuade you to try less drastic methods ahead of surgery.

Ginkypig · 10/05/2017 17:23

Its likely you will probably have to have an uplift and reduction to get them to not look saggy if they are as you describe but I'm not a surgeon.

In term of on the sly it's not something you'll be able to hide as is quite a big surgery.

Obviously I don't know your financial situation so can't comment on that but in terms of support your dh can have a secondary opinion but ultimately his job should be to support you! This isn't for vanity it's sounds like it's for your health and comfort.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 10/05/2017 17:29

I asked for a reduction and the result gave me an uplift. When the surgeon was deciding how much to reduce them by she said that she aims for the nipples to line up to half way between the elbow and shoulder.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 10/05/2017 17:30

And no additional cost - my surgery came to £5500

user1493759849 · 10/05/2017 17:35

I can't get past "DH said NO." Shock Fuck that, that would be a red rag to a bull for me. I don't like being told what to do, especially as I earn the 'household money' too!

I would be booking a consultation YESTERDAY and then telling him I am having it done. TELLING, not asking.

user1493759849 · 10/05/2017 17:36

Also, I don't see how you can do it on the sly. It's a fairly major op.

CormorantDevouringTime · 10/05/2017 17:37

Definitely start with a bra intervention if you haven't already because a properly fitted 32FF shouldn't be all that big really so it sounds as if you're in the wrong size. A better bra (even if it's in a mad-sounding size like 30J) may relieve the pain and backache and even make you look thinner. Of course you should be able to have the operation if that's what you need, but do see if two hundred quid's worth of bras from Bravissimo can achieve the same effect first without major surgery .

NoLoveofMine · 10/05/2017 17:37

DH says no as it's a waste of money and he likes them the way they are.

Oh my goodness. What makes him think he gets to "say no" about something regarding your body? So you have to put up with pain and discomfort because "he likes them the way they are"? Does he not care about anything other than what he likes?

ErnesttheBavarian · 10/05/2017 17:38

I'm sad that your dh has that attitude. His fun comes above your health and comfort.

You need to tell him you are having it done, then work out the details.

Fwiw, 5.5k was about what I spent on surgery. (eyes not boobs). The health risks and costs put me off a lot, but I finally did it and it was the best thing I ever did.