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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much harder it is going from one DC to two?

55 replies

HariboFrenzy · 28/04/2017 21:51

Have just got a bfp, although it's very very early days. DS 1 will be 2.7 when dc2 arrives, all being well. Have just told my DM and she has let it be known that she thinks I'm going to find it a struggle Sad

I know that going back to the newborn stage is going to be tough, and opportunities to rest will be greatly reduced with a toddler around. I know that there will be a period of adjustment while ds gets used to being a big brother.

Realistically, how much harder will it be?

OP posts:
foundaspottysock · 28/04/2017 21:57

Personally I found it much easier than when dc1 was a newborn as our days already had a structure so dc2 just had to fit in around it. Basically we carried on exactly as before pre school, toddler groups, swim lesson but dc2 just came too.

I had a section which made it slightly more tricky but my friends were great at helping out when dh had to go back to work after PL. I had no family around to help so just had to get on with it.

feeona123 · 28/04/2017 21:57

It's hard at times but it's just 'life' how it is!

After a while you don't know any different!
I have a 20 month gap and had my first in nursery 3 days a week then cut it down to 2.

Those are my rest days....but no so much now with a toddling 16 month old!

badhotfanny · 28/04/2017 21:58

Well, it won't be as easy as with one. Sleep is a bit of an issue as you can't lie in after a broken night when a toddler is bouncing on your head.

You'll be fine - it's a good age gap: your toddler will be mobile, hopefully out of nappies, but close enough in age to enjoy lots of the same things.

Congratulations! 💐

StephenKatz · 28/04/2017 21:59

Congratulations!
I found it easier. And now they're 5 and 7 it's even better because they love playing together.

Enidblyton1 · 28/04/2017 21:59

Nice to have such an optimistic DM Grin
It is definitely harder than having one child, but impossible to say how much. Everyone's experiences will be different.
I had a similar gap to you and was lucky to have an extremely easy second baby. So initially it didn't feel too bad at all. Being at home on mat leave was easier than being pregnant, working 4 days a week and having one child! So it's all relative as well.
The hardest time (so far) was when I had a 2.5 yr old and 5yr old. The younger one suddenly became very demanding, while the older one was not quite old enough to be very easy. But now they are 6 and 3, having two suddenly seems to work well. My two play together, so keep each other amused and do not argue very often. I imagine life could be much harder if you have two children who squabble all the time.

Frarling · 28/04/2017 22:01

Much easier to go from 1 to 2 than from 0 to 1 for me. Won't be having a 3rd though! Congratulations!

OhTheRoses · 28/04/2017 22:08

Much easier 1-2 than 0-1. You know what to do with the baby and nothing's a surprise.

I remember bringing home the baby new handbaggy thing and being overwhelmed by DS1's huge grown upness.

Somehow one teeny baby seemed to quadruple the laundry though.

Itsjustaphase2016 · 28/04/2017 22:13

I found having dd2 really REALLY changed everything. We went from being a couple who happened to have a baby to a messy, noisy, family. I went from being woman who pottered around doing her own thing, in her own world, with a kid in tow, to being totally and utterly absorbed completely in the mothering of 2 children.
It can't of been bad though. I had dc3...!

Silverthorn · 28/04/2017 22:24

I worried about this too but ds2 did just slot in. 2 year age gap. He mostly got left in a corner out of the way of Ds1. He would just nod off in his bouncer or moses. I used a dummy from day 1 because Ds1 was a needy baby who fed constantly. Ds2 I got into a routine of 3hr feeds. He spent a lot of time in the sling too.

user1andonly · 28/04/2017 22:25

It was hard work and like OhTheRoses my toddler suddenly seemed massive! Like he'd grown overnight.

I found caring for the newborn seemed really easy (and I wondered why I'd found it remotely hard work when I had DS1!) but hugely complicated by having to juggle the needs of a toddler.

I confess, in the early days, if my mum had offered to take DS1 to her house for a few months so i could lie around with my baby, I would have been sorely tempted!

You get used to it though.

I went on to have a third and that was the easiest transition of all. DS1 had started school by then and the routine really helped make the days go quicker - I always found the afternoons really long when I just had the one baby and would be wondering how on earth to fill the hours till tea/bath/bedtime!

BewtySkoolDropowt · 28/04/2017 22:29

Everyone is different. I found it easier with 2, but my pregnancy stopped my pnd in its tracks, and it didn't return.

Others find it harder .

You won't know til you get there, and however you find it, you'll get through it.

Figgygal · 28/04/2017 22:30

I found it easy enough but then ds1 started school in September ds2 born October so I have structure to my days around the school runs and time with just ds2 all day to enjoy my time with him.

NataliaOsipova · 28/04/2017 22:30

I found it a bit more difficult for the first 18 months after DC2 was born from a logistical point of view. Had a similar age gap to yours. When the baby grew into a toddler, though, life was different - the two of them would play together and we'd be able to sit, having a drink and looking on benignly. Look at it as short term pain for long term gain!

Dogsmom · 28/04/2017 22:35

I found 0-1 incredibly easy and wondered what all the fuss was about so I expected 1-2 to be a breeze too but have found it so much harder.
They're 2 and 4 now and I've spent the last 2 years wishing the time away to the next stage when I hope it'll be easier, with a 2yr old and a newborn there was a noisy baby disturbing dd1 and taking most of my attention then for months at playgroups dd1 had to entertain herself because I had to either carry dd2 or sit on the mat with her, days out were impossible because of nap times and not wanting a crabby tired baby and a toddler together, plus all of the stuff you have to lug around, then was the time once dd2 was mobile and causing chaos when dd1 was trying to play with things like Happyland stuff and for the last 6 months I've been like a referee because they're all loved up one minute then screaming and having proper physical fights the next! There's rarely half an hour without a spat or one crying over something the other has done, the only thing keeping me sane is the fact they both sleep from 6pm until 8am.

Dd2 starts school in September and is the next phase that I'm keeping everything crossed will finally be the turning point and my stress levels can return to normal.

If I knew then what I know now though I wouldn't change a thing, the good bits do outweigh the bad and the moments of calm when they're playing together nicely or in fits of giggles make it worthwhile.

OkPedro · 28/04/2017 22:36

The only reason I found it harder going from one to two was i had a non sleeping (during day and night) dc2. I then had pnd. We won't be having a dc3 Grin

It's hard to know until the baby is born how hard, easy or different it's going to be. Congrats and good luck

ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 22:36

i have a 22 month old gap now 6 months and 2.4

i have never ever been so broken or sleep deprived. but i find it easier with a toddler already to force myself to get up and out everyday whereas with just one i got stuck for the first 18 months or so

puglife15 · 28/04/2017 22:37

Personally my DC2 was a much more challenging baby (health issues meant screaming and terrible sleep for several months) and the impact of their arrival on DC1 was much worse than I feared - daily meltdowns, personality transplant from sweet, loving, lively preschooler to whiny tantruming, violent big brother.

So for me even though all the baby "stuff" is a lot easier and you can take it in your stride, having two has been far, far more than twice as hard as having one.

MargaretCabbage · 28/04/2017 22:40

I found 1-2 much easier than 0-1. I really struggled with my first, it was all such a shock. I was dreading the newborn days when I was pregnant again but it really wasn't that bad. I found it easier than being pregnant and caring for a toddler, and because I was a lot more confident in what I was doing I didn't worry like I did first time. I looked after myself more, because I was having to make my toddler brush his teeth and sort his lunch, etc I had time to do it for myself too. We're seven months in and I'm finding it tricky at the moment now we're in separation anxiety territory but because I've been there before I know for definite that it will pass.

Good luck OP, you'll be fine.

m0therofdragons · 28/04/2017 22:44

Pays off as they get a bit older - my 9yo and 5yo twins (never had 2 as we went 1-3) get up and happily amuse themselves at the weekend. Dd1 often sorts cereal if they're hungry too. Obviously I do get up but there have been a couple of times they've been so quiet dh and I have slept until 10am ish and rushed down in a panic to find them all happily playing. First 3 years we're constantly busy but not horrible and we laughed so much watching them interact. You'll be fine - it's more about her insecurities than your ability!

NightCzar · 28/04/2017 22:55

I did find it a struggle and was lucky that DD2 was an easier baby, or the wheels would have come off completely. I have the same age gap.

But you get through it - you have to if you're going to have more than one child.

It did seem easier for me than for friends with a smaller age gap, ie just two years. DD1 was able to help a teensy bit, eg she could bring requested items while I was feeding.

Original poster
HariboFrenzy · 29/04/2017 21:39

Thanks for replies! I think having a toddler to take care of will be helpful in some ways as like a pp said having to get up and give them breakfast etc will help with having a routine. With ds I was often still in bed at lunchtime feeding him, having not eaten or drunk myself!

Puglife that sounds really tough. I hope the health issues have been resolved now. We had a difficult start with ds so my expectations are pretty low tbf!

I am hoping that once the baby years are done it will be better, so it's good to hear others say it is hard at first but gets easier Smile

Fingers crossed for a healthy, non allergy sleeper this time round!

OP posts:
DontWannaBeObamasElf · 29/04/2017 22:38

There are four and bit years between our daughters. The baby part is easier than it was the first time but my oldest is most certainly testing the boundaries and pleasing herself when I'm stuck to the sofa breastfeeding. She's challenging us but loves her little sister to bits. Good luck! It's totally worth it when they look at each other with such love in their eyes!

AmberLav · 29/04/2017 22:59

I found 1-2 easier than either 0-1 or 2-3. I had 25 months between DS and DD. For a while they napped at the same time, which was great, and I baked lots on my second mat leave. But DD was a very good day sleeper and with DC3 I realised how easy DD had been! But you'll survive it, whether your DC2 is easy or more complicated...

babyinarms · 29/04/2017 23:02

Congratulations ! It'll be tricky at the start juggling the two but you'll find a routine and it'll get easier.
My ds was the same age as your when dd came along. If I manged ( and went on to have a 3rd) anyone can 😉

FuzzyOwl · 29/04/2017 23:06

Congratulations. I have 16.5 months between my two and the baby (currently six months) is the easy one. My toddler is the more challenging one (back molars combined with being very active and tantrums) but on the whole I have been very pleasantly surprised by how much easier than expected and how enjoyable it has been. Enough that we are vaguely planning another baby now.