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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how much harder it is going from one DC to two?

55 replies

HariboFrenzy · 28/04/2017 21:51

Have just got a bfp, although it's very very early days. DS 1 will be 2.7 when dc2 arrives, all being well. Have just told my DM and she has let it be known that she thinks I'm going to find it a struggle

I know that going back to the newborn stage is going to be tough, and opportunities to rest will be greatly reduced with a toddler around. I know that there will be a period of adjustment while ds gets used to being a big brother.

Realistically, how much harder will it be?

OP posts:

Squeezed · 29/04/2017 23:12

I found maternity leave with two more enjoyable because of having the older dd. Definitely more tired and dd2 had tongue tie, which was difficult. Best way I could describe it is that it is more tiring (you can't sleep when they sleep) but better equipped to deal with it.

JugglingMum17 · 29/04/2017 23:20

Congratulations that is lovely news.

DS1 is 19 months and DS2 is 11 weeks old.

Everybody was saying it would be hard but I think it's fine. Yes you have the odd hard day but you just have to roll with it because the next day will be better.

I find it easier and more relaxed with DS2 because he just fits into the routine of DS1. With DS1 you change your lifestyle completely but DS2 just has to fit into to your family.

Hopefully your first child is still napping in the afternoon - he is probably phasing out of naps! But if he isn't the best tip I can give you is do you morning routine then take your first child out to tire him out, let him run around and get exhausted, have his snacks outdoors and even lunch and desert if you can pack it with you. So when you come home all you have to do is give him his milk (if that's what you want to do) and he will go to sleep, giving you an hour or couple of hours respite.

You have to keep DS1 busy and he will be fine. Your second child just put the baby in a sling or wrap which will keep your hands free for your DS.

DS1 went nursery 3 days a week when I went back to work for 4 months. Then I dropped it down to 2 days a month before I went on maternity leave. I have now dropped his nursery to one day a week and he goes to his gran one morning and his nan picks him up in the afternoon.

Hopefully your family will help you with DS1 which will be a big help.

Main thing is to be organised and top of everything and stay calm - that way you will be fine with two little ones.

I keep on top of General housework by doing 30 minutes each day - concentrating on certain areas of house each day. And I will have one organising task each day which does not overwhelm me and I can concentrate on kids.

You will be fine you have raised one child the second will be a breeze

Good luck

JugglingMum17 · 29/04/2017 23:21

If your toddler does nap then try and nap at the same time

BackforGood · 29/04/2017 23:27

I found 0 - 1 incredibly difficult. So life changing, and I struggled with the loss of control / not being able to plan things / not being organised.
However, I found 1 - 2 a piece of cake. As others have said, you have things you need to be up and doing with your older one, so the younger one slots in to that - you don't try to arrange your whole life around the baby as can happen with a pfb.
Of course, a lot will depend on their personalities too, and how well they sleep, plus all the usual things like how many hours dp is out the house and if you have other support around, etc.

BrickInTheWall · 29/04/2017 23:30

I definitely found the jump between 1-2 the hardest. I think it was just to do with learning how to split my time after being used to giving all my attention to DC1.

I have 4 DC and think after you have 2 it doesn't get any harder no matter how many you have!
(OK maybe there is a limit but I have been very lucky to find 2-3 and then 3-4 relatively easy)

mmgirish · 30/04/2017 02:30

I found it very hard. Like we had 3 instead of 2. It gets better though once they are old enough to play with each other. Then it's all worth it.

Daytona79 · 30/04/2017 02:58

I've a 8 month old and a 2.5 year old and wouldn't really say it's any harder, it annoying a bit going shopping etc with two and when my husband away bed time for two can be a pain but generally I'd say it's fine and not really a huge difference

Theycalledmethewildrose · 30/04/2017 04:32

I found 0-1 incredibly easy and wondered what all the fuss was about so I expected 1-2 to be a breeze too but have found it so much harder.
They're 2 and 4 now and I've spent the last 2 years wishing the time away to the next stage when I hope it'll be easier, with a 2yr old and a newborn there was a noisy baby disturbing dd1 and taking most of my attention then for months at playgroups dd1 had to entertain herself because I had to either carry dd2 or sit on the mat with her, days out were impossible because of nap times and not wanting a crabby tired baby and a toddler together, plus all of the stuff you have to lug around, then was the time once dd2 was mobile and causing chaos when dd1 was trying to play with things like Happyland stuff and for the last 6 months I've been like a referee because they're all loved up one minute then screaming and having proper physical fights the next! There's rarely half an hour without a spat or one crying over something the other has done, the only thing keeping me sane is the fact they both sleep from 6pm until 8am.

I could have written this. I found the happiness and enjoyment I had at being a mum to DC1 disappeared when DC2 came along. I found it incredibly hard and life became a slog. I started to worry an awful lot more about our financial future as well especially when I keep hearing how many hundreds of thousands it costs to bring up a child to eighteen years of age. I felt hard done by as well as I was NEVER alone. With one child it was easy for both DH and I to have days out alone.. We are coming out the other side now (I hope) but if I had known what I now know I would have definitely stuck with one child.

LedaP · 30/04/2017 07:14

I found 1-2 really hard. Having 2 to consider rather than just one was really difficult. Less days ehere i thought 'fuck it' and refused to get dressed or leave the house. Making sure the older one hsd everything they needed before feeding the baby etc.

But i wouldnt have changed it for the world.

watchoutformybutt · 30/04/2017 07:50

I found it really hard but my first was one of those eating, sleeping, sitting quietly in a swing observing the world babies and I thought they were all like that. My second was a screaming sleepless harpy and that was a bit of a shock to the system! I think if it was the other way around I would have been fine

Oysterbabe · 30/04/2017 07:54

I'm in the same position but DC2 is due on DD's second birthday. I'm sure it'll be fine, second babies are always easy babies right? Right?!

Placeanditspatrons · 30/04/2017 07:54

I've found it horrendous but I have a 7 year gap so they have nothing in common and don't play together. It's like trying to manage the needs of two only children. My second is a much easier baby and toddler than my first was: still horrific.

OhDearToby · 30/04/2017 07:57

My first was a nightmare and my second was a dream so I can honestly say I've found having two easier than having one. Dd1 has really relished her big sister role and it had bought out a lovely side to her. Dd2 is just easy going and cheerful most of the time so very little work.

I liked it so much I'm having another one!

CassandraAusten · 30/04/2017 08:00

Depends on the baby! My DC2 was an easy baby - good sleeper, good feeder, didn't cry much - and I found going from one to two a breeze (22m gap). However, DC3 was a terrible sleeper so going from two to three was much harder!

Honeybee79 · 30/04/2017 08:04

It is hard but you get through it. Also, your personal freedom/ability to please yourself has already gone with the arrival of number 1, so number 2 made no difference in that sense! The lack of sleep is hard but you make it out the other side.

How unhelpful of DM! Could she not have put a slightly more positive spin in it by saying it will be challenging but she's there to support you etc?!

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/04/2017 08:12

17 months between DD and DS.
For me, going from 1-2 was easier than going from 0-1! You already know how to look after a baby, so you aren't starting from scratch like you are with DC1!

apotheke · 30/04/2017 08:31

Of course two is harder than one, but saying that I found DC2's arrival much less of a shock to the system as I knew what to do and was much more relaxed about everything.

Do you have any regular childcare for DC1? If not if might be a plan to try and arrange some regular time with a willing family member. My eldest was in nursery when DD2 arrived and that was a lifesaver for me as she was able to go off and do fun energetic stuff during the day while I focused on the baby, then I could give her lots of attention when she was back home.

My second also slept much better, fingers crossed you get the same!

Rossigigi · 30/04/2017 09:14

Slightly different as mine had a 5 year age gap however I found with ds1 I changed my life to fit around him. However with ds2 he slotted into our life and we didn't alter things if that makes sense.

bookwormnerd · 30/04/2017 09:17

1-2 for me was easy. My tip would be having a carrier. I used ergo so that baby could go in carrier leaving my hands free for my then just turned 3 year old. My eldest accepted her sibling fantastically. She liked little jobs like putting nappy bag in bin and she loved entertaining him. We got her to pick present for baby and he had one for her. I will be honest i have never felt any more rushed than was with one. They are now best friends. My 2 love that there is a constant playmate

booellesmum · 30/04/2017 09:24

DD1 was 3 when DD2 was born.
I found it a lot easier.
Mainly because I had to do things with DD1 so the new baby just had to fit in.
I wasn't as worried about things as I'd been there before.
I had adapted to less sleep so being woken in the night wasn't as awful as first time round.
Remember having a shower early one morning as DD1 had to go to nursery. Dd2 was in moses basket on bathroom floor having a good cry but she survived, and I thought why did I not just do this first time round? (Was lucky first time at that stage if I was ready by lunch)

Original poster

HariboFrenzy · 30/04/2017 09:27

Oh dear, some more worrying posts since I last posted, though I do appreciate the honesty! As lots of pp have said a lot depends on the baby, so fingers tightly crossed... Ds1 had failure to thrive, tongue tie, milk allergy and reflux, so hopefully even if no2 has the same problems they can be sorted much earlier

OP posts:

Shortfatandangry · 30/04/2017 09:36

My 1st dc was a dream so when he was 8m we decided to have another. She was a screaming nightmare of a baby and for a long time we thought we'd made a terrible mistake! Now they're 3 and 20 months and they're brilliant but the first year or so was really awful.
Be prepared for it to potentially be really difficult, but know that it gets better and soon you won't remember the hard times!

buckyou · 30/04/2017 10:00

I'm 10 weeks in and doing ok. I found it worse being pregnant with toddler tbh!

I'm more tired than with my first. My DD doesn't sleep that well so I always seem to be getting woken up by one of them! Drinking a lot of coffee at the mo!

I'm hoping it will be easier in the long run. x

tinypop4 · 30/04/2017 10:46

I had a very similar age gap Dd was 2.8 when ds was born. It was much easier than 0-1 by miles and miles. Dd could talk, sleep in a normal bed and use the toilet, and she was a good walker so didn't need to go in a buggy. The baby bit was a bit easier as had done it before so knew the sleep etc would all improve.
Now dc are almost 2 and 4 and it's way easier again- they play together quite a bit .
It'll be super - fine, don't fret.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 30/04/2017 10:50

My DGM was like your DM when I for pregnant with DS1 (DC1), but not to my face: "I can't imagine Evil with a baby." I was 22 FFS!

DS1 was 14 months when DD1 was born, he suddenly decided he couldn't feed himself. It got easier as they got older as they went through stages together.

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