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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For fuck sake a wedding one

85 replies

BrightonBelleCat · 24/04/2017 18:20

I'm getting married later this year. Now started pulling together the guest list as sending out invitations this week. All fine, done and dusted. On phone to dp tonight who happened to be at his mothers.

Somehow it turned into a group chat about who dp is having from 'his side'. The numbers are pretty even but there are more people on my side of the family. Obviously this is out of my control. I have more siblings.

Mil says what about x and x. Dp says no probably not they can come in the evening. Mil says well Brighton is having x number of people. Again out of my control.

I heard dp say well we can't help that.
Mil then starts ranting away about how I've got more people than dp. Again not my fault.

What the fuck do I do? I can't uninvite my siblings because fucking bob and Sheila from up the road need an invite.

OP posts:
hesterton · 24/04/2017 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/04/2017 18:22

Ask her what her financial contribution will be for inviting the women's guild??

Ferrisday · 24/04/2017 18:22

Get a big list, then cut it down to suit your numbers. You gave to start somewhere.

luckylucky24 · 24/04/2017 18:23

It isn't about having even numbers it's about having people you want their! Tell her they can have her invite!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 24/04/2017 18:23

Stand firm and let her rant. Not her wedding. Easier said than done, I know.

FuzzyOwl · 24/04/2017 18:23

I would say to your to-be-MIL that it is great she is offering to pay for these extra guests!

Seriously, just ignore her. So many people have unwanted opinions about things. It is your wedding for you to invite who you want.

theymademejoin · 24/04/2017 18:23

So long as your dp isn't likely to cave, leave it to him to deal with her. Unless she's paying for the entire wedding, she doesn't get a say in who gets invited unless you choose to give her a say.

Original poster
BrightonBelleCat · 24/04/2017 18:26

Also to add that they are not paying for the wedding it's all come from us.

OP posts:
PNGirl · 24/04/2017 18:27

If she pushes he says "We're paying therefore hosting the event we want."

Scholes34 · 24/04/2017 18:27

YANBU. There's no rule about having an equal number of guests from each side of the family. Had there been whe we got married, DH's parents would have been out inviting random strangers from his home town to make up numbers for his small family with my rather large one.

Madwoman5 · 24/04/2017 18:27

This is not a free for all, this is about you, dp and those closest to you. Bob and sheila can watch bgt instead! It's not a competition its YOUR wedding. Mil doesn't like the guest list? Tough.

CuppaTeaTeddy · 24/04/2017 18:28

She sounds like an idiot. It's not her wedding. It's not up to her. Ignore her.

Trifleorbust · 24/04/2017 18:29

It is your wedding. You do the guest list and she is on it. For now Grin

Osolea · 24/04/2017 18:30

Ignore the mil, it's irrelevant who has more people from their 'side'. You're creating a marriage FFS, you and your husband to be will officially be on the same side for the vast majority of the event!

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 24/04/2017 18:31

Our list was very uneven (more my side) because dh-to be- has more siblings where as I'm an only but with a very close extended family. We were having only close family due to financial constraints When mil complained we asked who would you invite, she said xyz (actually friends of dhtb and a very close family friend who we would have invited if we could afford to) so we said fine, you pay for them then. to be fair she has (and then my DM offered the same for abc but that's it's own thread)
Otherwise just leave it to dp to tell her no, your wedding your rules!

icelollycraving · 24/04/2017 18:31

Don't ask for financial contributions from them or you'll be asking for trouble. She will want to have input. Are the numbers hugely different? So are you inviting 80 & he gets to invite 20? Stand your ground yourself, it'll set the scene going forward for her and you!

Original poster
BrightonBelleCat · 24/04/2017 18:31

Dp has moved to the car and called me and I told him your mother isn't dictating the wedding. He said she just likes to have an opinion.

Hmm well people that pay for the weddings get to have opinions.

OP posts:
Crowdblundering · 24/04/2017 18:34

Stand firm and say no and repeat.

Start as you mean to go on.

Neverknowing · 24/04/2017 18:35

I've seen this a few times, I really don't understand why you need to have an equal amount of people? It makes no sense to me. Let her rant and have who you actually want there!!

MaxPepsi · 24/04/2017 18:36

I had this. I have 3 siblings and aunts and uncles on both sides.
DH has 1 sister and aunts and uncles on his dad's side only, only 1 of whom he wanted to invite. We had a blanket ban on cousins as I have bloody loads and we had to draw the line somewhere.
MIL had a little whinge about the numbers.
As this was not her sons first marriage , we had invited their oldest friends who I'd never met and asked their neighbours to the evening do I politely but firmly told her to wind her bloody neck in as I couldn't help having a larger family!
I did however relent and invite his cousins as sticking one more person in wasn't a huge problem and his cousin is lovely and good fun.
My dad paid the biggest chunk of our day too!

deadringer · 24/04/2017 18:40

Your mil is entitled to her opinion, but thats it, an opinion, the actual decision is between you and your dp.

MidnightAura · 24/04/2017 18:44

Do not give in. My in laws tried this. Our wedding was immediate family only and they sulked because they couldn't invite their siblings and friends even though none of my Aunts and uncles and extended family were coming,

They didn't come because in their words "they didn't know anyone" --apart from DH, my parents and I

Original poster
BrightonBelleCat · 24/04/2017 18:47

Midnight your in laws didn't come?

OP posts:
Original poster
BrightonBelleCat · 24/04/2017 18:48

Midnight your in laws didn't come?

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 24/04/2017 18:49

I had four guests at my wedding and only one was a relative. Dh had about forty. Maybe my one relative should have kicked off about blah blah blah.

Sounds like she's two years old and kicking off that her friend got two more crisps at lunch.

Do not invite people just to make his side the same as yours because MIL is kicking off.