For fuck sake a wedding one

[BrightonBelleCat]

I'm getting married later this year. Now started pulling together the guest list as sending out invitations this week. All fine, done and dusted. On phone to dp tonight who happened to be at his mothers.

Somehow it turned into a group chat about who dp is having from 'his side'. The numbers are pretty even but there are more people on my side of the family. Obviously this is out of my control. I have more siblings.

Mil says what about x and x. Dp says no probably not they can come in the evening. Mil says well Brighton is having x number of people. Again out of my control.

I heard dp say well we can't help that.
Mil then starts ranting away about how I've got more people than dp. Again not my fault.

What the fuck do I do? I can't uninvite my siblings because fucking bob and Sheila from up the road need an invite.

It's your and your DPs wedding! You decide, end of!
And just because it's a second marriage doesn't make the wedding any less important, you should have the day you want! With the people you want!
I'm getting married next year and our guest list has double my family than my partners because we never see his extended family or feel like we even know them.
Weddings are expensive and we have chosen to only invite the people we love and care about and who will make our day better. That should be all you think about, who do you want.
Good luck, I hope you guys can stand strong against the MIL, not her wedding, not her business x

mil di d this. nothing was good enough. ex was bloody awful about the whole thing. (should have pulled out at that point really) any way mil was so awful I could not bear to be in her presence at all, so minimum time was spent with them.

they kkicked off about ds's first christmas party too.

they just got to see less of us and the grandchildren. shot themselves in the foot there.

We had 70 at our wedding and only 17 were from my side. I have a smaller family, so less people - simple!
People were told to sit on either side of the aisle. Mil took that seriously and sat where my parents should have been. Caused a bit of kerfuffle when my dad went to sit down after walking me down the aisle and my fil was already in the seat we had told my dad to sit in 😂

Stand firm, I love the fact that we paid for everything for our wedding. It meant that people could 'suggest' things all they liked but ultimately we decided everything.

We did have one truly random incident where MIL suggested that we should invite some estranged relatives to reunite the family. Fine but in the 10+ years I had been with my DH I had never met them so we said no to the day but yes to the evening. When it came to sending invites out and we mentioned it she was like what on earth have you invited them for? Crazy woman had forgotten she had told us to invite them.

What is wrong with some people?! It's your wedding, invite who you like.

I hate the whole bride or groom side in ceremonies as well. It's not a numbers competition! At our wedding due to things like travel and the fact that DH is much more outgoing (has more friends than me, although I'd count them as joint friends now), technically speaking the numbers were probably 90% his side, 10% mine. Didn't bother me at all and people sat on both sides for the ceremony.

I remember your thread MidnightAura. Talk about your in-laws cutting their noses off to spite their face, but glad you got the wedding you wanted.

TheTabardofDoom Yeah that's right. Crazy isn't it. At our expense I might add. It actually hurts a little because prior to that we all got on okay.
WildKiwi It wasn't the wedding we wanted I.e the grooms family not coming but when they actually had the cheek to rsvp and say they weren't attending and then ignore all communication after, we definitely weren't going to beg them to attend! But it's their loss. DH won't even say their names, he's still feeling very hurt as he felt humiliated on the day standing in his own waiting for me.

I'm sure OP your in laws won't be like mine!

Sorry MidnightAura, badly worded and didn't mean to sound like I was minimising. Was meaning that you didn't have to change your plans from being a intimate wedding to a circus with people you didn't know along.

As you say, their loss but awful for you both to have been put in that position. Hope I didn't offend.

WildKiki No offence taken, I just wanted to clarify the in laws not coming wasn't our choice per se nor were we happy about it. -Still annoys me when I think about it--

But such is life. I just really hope they regret it for the pain they caused their son.

Midnight that is beyond shitty. I'm so sorry for you and your dh. How awful to put such a black cloud over the day of someone you are supposed to love!

Bob and Sheila are still not on the list.

Good for you Brighton, stick to your guns. What is it about weddings and babies that makes mothers lose their fucking minds? And will it happen to me when my kids do it??

We also got married abroad to avoid the family drama, but had a party when we got back so in fact still plenty of scope for the MIL to have an opinion bitch and moan. The wording of the invitations was inappropriate, the guest list was wrong, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A CAKE. Apparently we just wouldn't be married unless we have a fucking cake so she could cut slivers of it and wedge them into tiny decorated boxes to post to people we had never heard of. What is this madness? Who wants a tiny piece of stale cake in a grease stained box with bells on?