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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at in-laws cancelling again

60 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 15/04/2017 09:57

Nearly everything we've invited them too recently, they've cancelled at the last minute.

-Theatre tickets - they hadn't paid for them so we had to ask round our friends for someone else to go last minute.

-Dinner with friends - got everyone else to change resturaunt to a different part of town so it was more convenient for them (even though it wasn't for everyone else) then cancelled less than an hour before we were all due to meet.

-My BFF kindly invited SIL to her birthday night out. SIL asked her to change it to a different night so she could make it, BFF did, then SIL didn't show up!!

-Today we're stuck with cinema tickets for a film they had wanted to see, DH has already paid for them online and now they say they're both working today, even though DH asked them last night if they were still free to go.

They're always say they want to go to, make plans for times, travel etc.. then just cancel out the blue, usually leaving us to foot the bill. I'm totally understanding that sometimes people's circumstances change quickly but I just feel they're extremely rude. A lot of the time they're excuse is that they want to spend time with their daughter. This really annoys me because any other time they're happy enough to fob her off to PIL or us when they want time to themselves. Why is it ok for them to leave us with the hassle of trying to find someone else to use their tickets?

AIBU?? I think it's unfair for them to make everyone change their plans for them and then don't follow through with them themselves.

I don't want to invite them anywhere again, but DH does because it's his family.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/04/2017 09:59

Yanbu and it would put me off inviting them in future but it sounds like your DH is prepared to keep trying.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 15/04/2017 09:59

No more paying for things /changing arrangements. . Let dh deal with all the plans. . You need to start assuming they will be a no show. . Maybe that's why they do it so the odd time they do turn up its a big red carpet event!!

NervousNellie29 · 15/04/2017 10:01

Let them start paying! That way they'll be the ones losing money if they cancel!

Huldra · 15/04/2017 10:02

I would stop paying for things and bill them for tickets if they don't turn up.

LordCake · 15/04/2017 10:02

Don't pay for anything in advance for them and don't change plans for them. Extend the invite but don't expect them.

Bantanddec · 15/04/2017 10:03

Yanbu but you know they have form so why keep inviting and paying for them!!!!

ChasedByBees · 15/04/2017 10:04

Tell them they still need to pay for the tickets.

emilybrontescorset · 15/04/2017 10:04

Stop inviting them and definitely only pay for your tickets.

anotherBadAvatar · 15/04/2017 10:06

Next time just say "what a brilliant idea- you sort the tickets/booking/restaurant, and we'll give you the money when we see you".

That way they may appreciate the effort gone into organising the event and may not cancel if it means them losing out!

AnneTwacky · 15/04/2017 10:06

Stop inviting them and definitely stop paying for their tickets in advance when you know they're flakey. Also no changing arrangements already made just for them. They're not that important.
If they say they would like to do something; Great, they can arrange and let you know where to meet them.
They won't alter their behaviour while everyone's still running around trying to please them.

AuntMabel · 15/04/2017 10:08

YANBU. Have you called them out on being so flaky? Did they realise you paid for tickets to the cinema/theatre and offer to compensate? How incredibly rude, I wouldn't be inviting them out again anytime soon.

AyeAmarok · 15/04/2017 10:08

YANBU.

However, it's quite simple:

You: We're having a dinner on Thursday, you're very welcome to come.
Them: Can't do Thursday, how about Saturday?
You: Sorry, it has to be Thursday. Maybe next time.

Or:

Them:
We'd live to go to see Shakespeare at the theatre on Friday, shall we all go?
You: Sounds great! You order the tickets and we'll reimburse you/pay for dinner beforehand.

Easy.

00100001 · 15/04/2017 10:08

Yep I'd get them to book the tickets next time or not book until they have paid you.

If they have invested money they will be more likely to go.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 10:10

Stop paying for them and dancing round them.

hesterton · 15/04/2017 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeylulu · 15/04/2017 10:11

I know people like this. Very enthusiastic initially then cry off at the last minute. The couple I know usually don't even tell us - you have to get in touch and one of them says "oh I was just about to call you ... but"
I'm amazed at the amount if time both of them suddenly "feel off colour" or they "have car trouble".
We and our other friends concluded that they like the idea of going out but when it comes to it they decide they don't want to leave the house. They seem happy enough to see us when we visit them at home. In fact that's near enough the only time we see them!
I suggest don't buy tickets for them unless they transfer the money first and don't rearrange anything for them. If they baulk at that, tell them why.

Cookingongas · 15/04/2017 10:14

Yanbu, however- why have you let this happen so many times? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice ......

OverOn · 15/04/2017 10:14

Extend an invite, but ask for money before booking anything for them (great you can come, can you transfer x amount to my account - details are xyz - then I'll book the tickets). Don't change dates to suit them (such a shame you can't make the date, hopefully next time you'll be free).

PurpleMinionMummy · 15/04/2017 10:18

Yanbu. I don't understand why you keep paying for stuff on their behalf knowing they will let you down though.

choccyp1g · 15/04/2017 10:21

HOw old is their daughter and is she ever invited?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/04/2017 10:23

Agree with others - stop changing stuff around for them, and stop buying stuff in advance for them.

Invite them, yes - but stick to your original plans.
Tell them when you're going to stuff, yes - but let them get their own tickets.

Stop dancing attendance on their whims - they sound like a right bunch of selfish-arse flakes - and they'll either piss off or buck up their ideas.

JFT96 · 15/04/2017 10:28

Not sure why you've given them so many chances, it wouldn't have happened more than once to me, you've allowed this to happen tbh

opinionatedfreak · 15/04/2017 10:29

Or buy you town tickets then tell them where you are sitting, I have started doing this with a flakey friend leaving her to buy her own ticket. She often does and still doesn't come.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 15/04/2017 10:31

At the very least, stop changing things around to suit them when you know they most likely won't show anyway.
I get really annoyed by people like this.
Also, is your dh expecting you to make all the arrangements? If so, stop.

JigglyTuff · 15/04/2017 10:32

I cam understand you've done this a couple of times but why do you keep doing it?

Don't change plans, don't buy them tickets

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