To be pissed off at in-laws cancelling again

[LittleMermaidRose]

Nearly everything we've invited them too recently, they've cancelled at the last minute.

-Theatre tickets - they hadn't paid for them so we had to ask round our friends for someone else to go last minute.

-Dinner with friends - got everyone else to change resturaunt to a different part of town so it was more convenient for them (even though it wasn't for everyone else) then cancelled less than an hour before we were all due to meet.

-My BFF kindly invited SIL to her birthday night out. SIL asked her to change it to a different night so she could make it, BFF did, then SIL didn't show up!!

-Today we're stuck with cinema tickets for a film they had wanted to see, DH has already paid for them online and now they say they're both working today, even though DH asked them last night if they were still free to go.

They're always say they want to go to, make plans for times, travel etc.. then just cancel out the blue, usually leaving us to foot the bill. I'm totally understanding that sometimes people's circumstances change quickly but I just feel they're extremely rude. A lot of the time they're excuse is that they want to spend time with their daughter. This really annoys me because any other time they're happy enough to fob her off to PIL or us when they want time to themselves. Why is it ok for them to leave us with the hassle of trying to find someone else to use their tickets?

AIBU?? I think it's unfair for them to make everyone change their plans for them and then don't follow through with them themselves.

I don't want to invite them anywhere again, but DH does because it's his family.

[bigchris]

It does all seem very odd

Could it be that sil gets jealous

Or do you get on with them ? Perhaps they don't like you or dh?

Or could one of them have anxiety about leaving the house?

Can your dh she'd any light on it ?

[pictish]

Yanbu - they are extremely rude. However...stop paying for tickets and arranging stuff around their whims?

They're not more important than anyone else. Stop treating them as though they are.

[TheFirstMrsDV]

I don't want to be the wet one on this thread but do either of them have anxiety issues. This can make people seem really flaky.

If they don't they are being a pita. Stop inviting them.

[StrawberryJelly00]

Why are you bending over backwards to please them it's like the whole event is arranged just for them. Are they like King & Queen?!!

You would have thought after the first few times they let you down you would wise up and stop arranging things to suit them/wasting money on them.

Personally I would let them know that they next time they want to meet up they need to arrange it and you look forward to it.

Make plans and don't invite them
If you do make them pay up front and never change the day to suit them.

[bluebelltippytoes]

Stop buying tickets for them. In fact, stop arranging things.

I have a friend who consistently lets me down either on the day or the day before. I still want to be friends with her but now I just text her in the morning and tell her I'm in town. Does she want to meet for coffee/lunch.

I think you need to work with what you're given.

[saoirse31]

Maybe they dont have the money and dont want to admit it, have anxiety issues, have relationship probs etc. Do as posters suggest, stop chging days and stop buying their tickets

[AnoiseAnnoysanOyster]

Stop changing your plans for them and stop buying tickets for things for them. Just stop doing it.

[WankStainWasher]

My (ex)SIL is like this. Super enthusiastic, then cancels at the last minute.
Or my personal favourite - gets a better offer so cancels!! It's such a power play.
I stopped inviting her because I had to make the decision that I (and my kids) am worth more than that. The relationship fizzled out and I don't see her at all now.
No loss really.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Does their DD have any illness? Do either of them have anxiety? What does your DH think?

[MarklahMarklah]

I used to be friendly with someone like this - until I got messed about by her over a short break we were meant to take. I was fortunate enough to be able to get the deposit back but she basically cancelled on me because one of her other friends was free to see her that weekend, and that friend trumped me and the other person we were meant to be going away with.
Never made an arrangement with her since.
I moved three years ago and she's said several times, "Oh, I must come over and see you." Still waiting on that one...

Either don't make plans with them, or don't change plans to accommodate them. And stop paying!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

BTW my DS is very much like this. We had arranged to see her yesterday to celebrate one of my DC birthdays. From prior experience I know this is an arrangement that is unlikely to happen.

Check with her again before booking the restaurant and she says she's working. Then when we see her the day before it turns out she has volunteered to work even though she had told her DN that she would love to come out for lunch on their birthday and she volunteered because it's double pay, and no, she is very far from needing the money.

Then she has a small strop that she's not seeing her DN on their birthday. Apparently, we should have made all of our arrangements so we could have fitted in an hour's round trip to go and visit her when she had got home from work

She is quite beyond flaky.

Having said all that, I would never pay for her up front, change arrangements for her and she doesn't get invited to many things, only really group events when it doesn't matter if she's there or not really.

Even the DC has been laughing how they were dumped for double pay and the ensuing strop

[Cherrysoup]

Why do you keep letting them do this to you?

[Nanny0gg]

What's their excuses?

And stop paying and rearranging!

[NotNowNow]

Yanbu - but you've been a bit daft to let this happen so many times

[gamerchick]

Why di you keep letting this happen?

Seriously! Just stop!

[Inertia]

Stop inviting them, stop paying,stop changed plans to suit them. The impact on them when they cancel is zero, they aren't bothered.

[WitchQueenofNewOrleans]

I don't get why you invite them out to dinner with your friends.

Stop inviting them, wait for them to invite you, and certainly don't pay upfront.

[TheDevilMadeMeDoIt]

If your DH wants to keep on arranging these things because they're famileee, then you have a DH problem as much as an IL problem.

How much have you talked through it with him? How does he react when they cancel last minute? What excuses does he come up with for their behaviour?

It's easy to say stop doing it, but if DH isn't on side it's not that easy.

[BunnyChickChocolateEgg]

You've been very patient - I'd have stopped inviting them anywhere, and left them to propose things in future!

We had some friends once who we invited for a meal Saturday evening; they rang in the afternoon (food part prepared...) to say it was the Grand Prix on TV and they wanted to stay home and watch. We suggested they record it, but they felt they'd lose something, they wanted to see it live!
On the Monday, they rang to say they'd come the next weekend instead....needless to say, it wasn't convenient...!

Let them do the work, and if they don't, leave them to it.

[Astro55]

I'd leave DH to deal with it - the arranging booking paying - finding others to use tickets -

I doubt he see the anguish it causes you! Or the embarrassment of inviting X people as 'second beat'

Let him crack on!

[FurryLittleTwerp]

I suspect you give them extra chances because they are relatives, rather than friends & there might be family repercussions if you fall out in some way, perhaps?

Tough titty. Let them sort themselves out.

I can't believe your SIL got your BFF to change her arrangements & still didn't go - that's really selfish & manipulative

[Serialweightwatcher]

I'd have given up after the first two let downs - once okay, but twice is a habit - three times or more and it's a total piss take. As others have said either don't invite them or if you do, don't ever change anything to suit them and never pay upfront

[GabsAlot]

tell your dh that he can invite but not pay for things up front anymoree

i have anxiety sometimes i do have to cancel things but i always pay for my unused ticket

[HappyFlappy]

Next time just say "what a brilliant idea- you sort the tickets/booking/restaurant, and we'll give you the money when we see you"

This

And then don't turn up . . .

[QuiteLikely5]

There's a lesson to be learned here but unfortunately if you won't learn it you will continue as you are until you do.