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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is going to the in-laws optional?

66 replies

Bigblug · 15/04/2017 08:00

Im working until 3. Dp and the kids are going to his mum's for an Easter bbq. I've said I'm just going to go straight home after work, rather than take the hour long bus ride to his mum's. Dp and dmil are in a strop with me. I rarely miss family events unless I'm working, and I love dmil to bits, but I just want to go home after work and relax. I never force dp to go to events with my family, but our whole relationship he's insisted I go to everything. Like I said I love my in-laws and most of the time I don't mind but... Well, I would have thought it's optional for me? Aibu?

OP posts:
EllaHen · 15/04/2017 08:05

Don't go.

LindyHemming · 15/04/2017 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopeFlintstone · 15/04/2017 08:12

Just go, if you're usually fine again after a wine or two.

Gazelda · 15/04/2017 08:13

Definitely don't go. Enjoy a bit of peace after a day of work.

CassandraAusten · 15/04/2017 08:13

YANBU. It's reasonable to miss the occasional event if you go to most of them.

ChasedByBees · 15/04/2017 08:14

Does he always go to your family events? I know he has the option of not going, but just wondering if he applies his high standards of 'must go to everything' to himself. I bet not.

You're working - it's not like you're opting out just because you can't be arsed. YANBU.

Fairylea · 15/04/2017 08:15

I wouldn't go. Your dh and the kids will be there, it doesn't mean you have to go as well.

PovertyPain · 15/04/2017 08:16

Who runs around after the kids, while you're at your mils? If it's you, then that's why they're sulking. Stick to your guns and enjoy your lovely rest after work. Don't let him leave you a list of things to do.

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:18

As long as your dp doesn't shove all the child care responsibilities onto his mum that's fine stay home.

BeyondThePage · 15/04/2017 08:18

I wouldn't go, unless someone could pick me up.

Work + bus + event does not sound great,

work + free lift to event (depends if they do decent BBQ food and drink and will let you sit with feet up doing nothing) yep I'd probably go for it.

Hulder · 15/04/2017 08:20

Unless you are NC it's not optional to avoid them completely. However it is optional how much you see them. Especially if they are local and you see them a lot.

Ours are miles away and DH and I don't go to everything together. This weekend I'm going to my mum's without him because she's poorly and DH has to work and frankly we would rather gossip without him there.

Just because you are together, it doesn't mean you are joined at the hip.

MrsChopper · 15/04/2017 08:21

Beyond has put exactly what I was going to write!

gottachangethename1 · 15/04/2017 08:21

Quick text to mil. "Sorry to miss the get together, working all day so going to go straight home afterwards rather than making the long bus journey to yours. Will see you soon.

Then go home and relax

Heratnumber7 · 15/04/2017 08:22

I WOUKD go. I'm a great believer in the family unit, and also that you marry into a family as well as marry a man (or woman).
Easter is a family occasion and you should be there.
These things are never as bad as you think, and you'll relax after a few burnt sausages and a glass or two of red. And you won't have to cook for yourself.

Nospringflower · 15/04/2017 08:24

I agree that Easter is a family occasion and so would hope that someone could collect me from work and take me.

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:25

Yes why can't one of them pick you up op?

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2017 08:28

If they want you to come so much they need to pick you up. Yanbu to go straight home and not take the bus.

highinthesky · 15/04/2017 08:32

I can understand you wanting to go straight home and enjoy some chill time. But I also would make the effort if I relied on MIL for particular things, or she has gone out of her way for you. DH can be punished in other ways if necessary Wink

On a practical note: do buses actually run on Easter Sunday?

sueelleker · 15/04/2017 08:37

Buses my way do, but it's a Sunday service, and may not be very frequent.

Original poster
Bigblug · 15/04/2017 08:37

Easter really isn't a big deal in this house. It's more an excuse to have a bbq, rather than celebrating Easter in any meaningful way. Mil feels the same. Yes, I would be the one running around after the kids, I never thought of it that way before. I suspect that's why my dp, at least, is probably insistent. Only mil drives and she will want a few beers so I wouldn't ask her. This is today by the way, I'm working 8-8 tomorrow and Monday so I really don't want to be sociable tonight and get home late :(

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/04/2017 08:37

I don't think I'd expect someone to do a two hour round trip to get me, but I'd have thought they BBQ would have been after your work so you could go together as a family.

Original poster
Bigblug · 15/04/2017 08:40

Ah in fairness bluntness it's been up in the air whether I would be finishing at 3 or 8 today, and I only found out yesterday that they had found someone to relieve me at 3 so they planned without me

OP posts:
Motherwithflaws · 15/04/2017 08:49

Don't go.

WomblingThree · 15/04/2017 08:50

Sod that. You don't have to do as you are told like a child. Just tell him you aren't going, and he can get over himself.

JennyHolzersGhost · 15/04/2017 08:52

You're working the rest of the long weekend, you usually do his family stuff, he isn't as good at going to your family stuff, you'd be doing the childcare while you were there, nobody can come pick you up ..... nah, you're not BU at all.

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