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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is going to the in-laws optional?

66 replies

Bigblug · 15/04/2017 08:00

Im working until 3. Dp and the kids are going to his mum's for an Easter bbq. I've said I'm just going to go straight home after work, rather than take the hour long bus ride to his mum's. Dp and dmil are in a strop with me. I rarely miss family events unless I'm working, and I love dmil to bits, but I just want to go home after work and relax. I never force dp to go to events with my family, but our whole relationship he's insisted I go to everything. Like I said I love my in-laws and most of the time I don't mind but... Well, I would have thought it's optional for me? Aibu?

OP posts:
Headinthedraw · 15/04/2017 08:54

Working tommorow and Monday as well?Don't go!And your husband should be buying you a bloody big easter egg xx

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:57

Oh no after your update don't go. He wants you there to run round after the kids. If your mil is nice just phone her and explain you are knackered. She will surely understand. It's your dp who wants a child care free BBQ I think?

pipsqueak25 · 15/04/2017 08:58

i wouldn't go this time, i don't always get involved with family stuff as i have mental health problems and as a result not close to dh's family.
if your dh passes child care to mil then it is mil's place to call him out on it if it bothers her that much.
easter is no big deal in the real world unless you are a believer, it has become commercial crap and tat, you can see family any other time.

elQuintoConyo · 15/04/2017 09:02

Good lord no! Leave them to it, they're behaving like toddlers.

pictish · 15/04/2017 09:04

Just say, "Not this time." and leave it at that.

eddielizzard · 15/04/2017 09:05

no don't go. text after work and say you're too exhausted.

he wants you there so you look after the kids and he gets a break, even though you've had a long day.

pictish · 15/04/2017 09:08

I really dislike it when people are controlling in this way. If you're normally a cheerful participant in his family stuff and have given your reason for not going this time, they should just respect it.
It is not something to get the hump over ffs.

TheDowagerCuntess · 15/04/2017 09:11

He is BU.

I'm also interested to know whether he always goes to your family events.

FerdinandsRevenge · 15/04/2017 09:21

Of course it's optional! Go home relax. He doesn't get to dictate your every move

PovertyPain · 15/04/2017 09:21

I suspected that was the reason they are sulking, op. Fuck that. He wants to sit on his arse and mil wants to see the kids but then spend time with her son, drinking, while you run around like a blue arsed fly, looking after them. They're his kids too, so he can look after them. Make sure you don't come home until after he has left, or he's liable to get the kids to try to guilt trip you. Go for a coffee and relax.

pictish · 15/04/2017 09:26

Quite Ferdinand

Falconhoof1 · 15/04/2017 09:26

I wouldn't go. You're working tomorrow and deserve a break. I bet you seldom get any time in the house alone ( i know i don't!).

hiccupgirl · 15/04/2017 09:28

Def go home and relax as you are working the rest of the holiday weekend.

Easter isn't a big deal for my family so I wouldn't go either, especially if it meant I would be doing all the childcare after a day working and a long bus ride. I'm sure your DP and MIL can manage to look after the kids for one BBQ, even if they'd rather you do it.

Thinkingblonde · 15/04/2017 09:30

Tell DH and mil you'll go if they pay for a taxi for you, if not you're going home.

pictish · 15/04/2017 09:35

I also think it's quite important to stand your ground on this because it will set a precedent. No thank you means no thank you, not please bully and shame me into doing what you want. Don't cave. Graciously stick to no.

Chloe84 · 15/04/2017 09:40

Why do you always run around after the kids, OP? Tell DP you expect him to do his share.

My ILs are 4 hours away and I've gradually lessened visits as it was expected we would turn up for every party, event etc whilst they rarely visit us.

As a pp asked, does he attend all your family occasions?

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 09:42

NO way I'd go. 100% agree with pictish. 'Stop bullying me. I said no.'

C8H10N4O2 · 15/04/2017 09:44

So you are working 8-3 today, 8-8 tomorrow, 8-8 Monday but DH is in a strop because you are not also trekking over with a hour long bus ride to mind his kids? After which you presumably corale them to get home, ready for bed etc before early start tomorrow?

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Give him this Biscuit and give yourself Gin and a night off.

PovertyPain · 15/04/2017 09:44

Stick to your guns, OP, or they'll be forever dictating when you should visit. It's not going to be a relaxing day for you, as they simply want you there to run around after the kids so they can relax. You will be exhausted in work tomorrow.

Mrdarcyfanclub · 15/04/2017 09:47

You definitely deserve the break. You're not being rude as you usually go to ILs. Stand your ground.

RandomMess · 15/04/2017 09:48

I would go home, stick to your guns on point of principle. Set a new presidency of sometimes NOT attending.

PickAChew · 15/04/2017 09:55

Good grief, let them stick with their strop. I'm sure you see them on plenty of other occasions when you're not working long hours all weekend.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 09:57

Let them strop away! Your partner's mother is as bad as he is.

timeisnotaline · 15/04/2017 10:19

So your dp doesn't go to everything but you have to, and you look after the kIds? 'No darling, it's a bit much , you wouldn't go in my shoes, you don't even go to less big dates than easter. I'm looking forward to you running around after them so you understand why these things aren't always relaxing!'

badhotfanny · 15/04/2017 10:22

I'm all familied out this week and have lots of marking to do, which I haven't been able to get done due to my family visiting.

I texted DH yesterday to say I don't think I'll be able to come to his family gathering (they are quite regular) due to work and needing some quiet time.

His response? "That's a shame but I understand." Which is the only acceptable response imo.