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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bullied to death. How violent could you be?

74 replies

Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:04

Anyone else watching this?
I have anger issues, if i see a threat i get very offensive i don't stop until the threat is passed. In a situation where my child is threatened, physically threatened, i don't have an off switch. The only thing that could get my attention would be a "Sophie's choice" kind of situation.
I wonder sometimes if DC would be wary of letting me know about violent bullying due to this. I don't know.
But if you saw your child being attacked by another child (i mean teens) what would you do? What should you do?
I know i would go in all guns blazing but I'm quite flabby. Apart from my overzealous confrontational alter ego and being prepared to up violence in the face of threat I'm not sure what else i have. I suspect that might not be the correct reaction, although it would matter not a jot in the moment.
What would you do if you witnessed your DC being violently attacked by another teen/s? Or found out it had happened?

OP posts:
Greenfingeredfun · 14/04/2017 00:07

Eh?

5foot5 · 14/04/2017 00:09

Erm! You sound like the sort of person who would embarrass there teenage children so much they would be more likely to be the victim of bullies.

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:09

What would you do if you witnessed your DC being violently attacked by another teen/s? Or found out it had happened?
That's the crux of it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/04/2017 00:11

Well you'd break it up and call the police obviously Confused

PurpleDaisies · 14/04/2017 00:11

What would you do if you witnessed your DC being violently attacked by another teen/s? Or found out it had happened?

Wouldn't most people just stop the fight? Ir if they weren't there report it to the school/police as appropriate?

I'm confused about what you're asking. Confused

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:12

How so 5foot5 ?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 14/04/2017 00:16

So are you saying the only thing that you would react to would be a 'sophie's choice' type thing? So you'd ignore anything else? But then you say you'd be offensive at other stuff.

I don't understand.

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:18

Is that all you'd do purple ? That's what I'm asking really. Anyone else i would do just that. Someone attacking DC i think i might not.
Arrgh this has bought things back, think i need to take myself back to the counselor.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 14/04/2017 00:18

I am with WorraLiberty, I would break it up, call the police get any evidence on my phone of injuries, abuse etc. I would use the law and the school to get justice and I would not resort to physical violence unless totally in self defense. I would not want to make a situation worse.

I am 'flabby' too so not much of a threat to look at! But I do Takewando and that helps with confidence and also defense 'blocking' etc.

Purple 'stop the fight' if someone is being attacked it is 'stop the attack'.

5foot5 "You sound like the sort of person who would embarrass there teenage children so much they would be more likely to be the victim of bullies."

Your post sounds like a suggestion that bullies need a reason to bully, they do not. They do as they wish for as long as they are allowed to get away with it and they can use any reason.

Italiangreyhound · 14/04/2017 00:22

Sweets if you have been the victim of any kind of attack I would strongly suggest you seek help from a counselor and not post about it on AIBU. This area of Mumsnet often descends into a painful, mess which does not do Mumsnet or the Internet any good at all.

Honestly it can get brutal and not at all helpful at times. If you want actual help there are other areas of Mumsnet which may be of more use.

Plus people will not read your updates or comments, they will keep popping on to answer your original opening post with a mixture of helpful advice and utter clap trap. Please be wary of this. No matter how much you think you can control AIBU, it usually ends up in a mess.

Get some real help if this is relating to real issues for you and is about more than a TV programme for you.

Thanks
RebelRogue · 14/04/2017 00:24

Do you/used to get the so called "red mist" OP?

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:24

night what i mean is, needing to consider the safety of other DC, if they were present and i thought they could be threatened, i think that is the only thing that would effect my reaction.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 14/04/2017 00:24

Well I haven't seen this programme so I don't know what exact context you are referring to, but I imagine having a parent who will somehow get physically involved in a dispute with your peers and who apparently possesses an "overzealous confrontational alter ego" is something of a liability for any teen

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:26

Thankyou Italian
Yes Rebel i do. In some ways I hate it. In others i feel it protects. I think that is what this post is about in a way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:30

So if another teen was punching/kicking/stamping on your teen 5 you would try to stop them without reverting to intimidation/actual violence?
I honestly don't think i could do that. But I'm not sure if that doesn't make us more vulnerable, as much as i like to think i am Thor i am not. All i have is the red mist Rebel referred to.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 14/04/2017 00:32

Sweets right I get where you are coming from. It's a worry I have too. So far there has been one incident involving DD and I went through the official route(HT) and did the grownup thing,while raging on here and with friends. I can see myself attacking someone hurting my child but I also know it's not the right thing to do,and I got better and better at controlling it.
No idea what I'd actually do if I were to witness that though.

BlueChairs · 14/04/2017 00:32

Jesus ... my mum put me in martial arts and told me to report any bullying. How is violence to combat violence a good lesson?

user1471545174 · 14/04/2017 00:36

I think they would be wary. People raise issues to discuss them, not to experience someone else's anger (however well meant).

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:38

Thanks Rebel
I think i know my reaction is probably wrong but I'm too scared to let it go. It's only me and them. I think actually, despite my efforts, we are a bit vulnerable. My fear isn't, to be honest, that i might stamp on someone. But that it might not be enough.

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 14/04/2017 00:39

Are your children being bullied OP? I have to admit that if I met a mum at the school gates and she started talking to me like this I would be alarmed.

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:41

user i don't react like that to things like "x was mean* i make alot of effort to help them through emotional issues. It's the physical bullying I'm referring to. But yes, i do agree.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 14/04/2017 00:41

Sweets is it you who was bullied as a child or are you child/children being bullied.

If it is the later please engage with the school to end this or remove your child to a school that is safer. If this is triggering memories of your own experiences, please seek the counselling help you mentioned.

I have an eating disorder and am seeing a counsellor, it is most helpful.

The two situations are so different, dealing with issues from the past of dealing with a currant situation, which is it? Or is it both?

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/04/2017 00:42

Have you been violent before OP?

WorraLiberty · 14/04/2017 00:43

So if another teen was punching/kicking/stamping on your teen 5 you would try to stop them without reverting to intimidation/actual violence?

Well I can't answer for 5 but I would certainly split it up without resorting to intimidation or violence, yes, if I could.

I live in an area that's as rough as fuck and I have 3 sons, aged 25, nearly 18 and 14.

I've learned enough to know that kicking the crap out of another child/teen/young adult is never going to improve the situation.

There will always be repercussions from that sort of thing, with other kids/teens getting involved, other parents/older siblings, or gangs getting involved.

What you need to have in that situation is a clear head, put a stop to it and act like an adult.

Obviously it goes without saying that it's not easy, but the last thing you want to do, is bring more trouble to your door and the door of your own kids.

Original poster
Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 00:46

Troll I don't think bullying of the kind I'm referring to usually happens at younger schools where parents meet at school gates.
I don't mean bullying of the kind most people experience and you support your DC through, i mean the actual threat of serious harm kind.

OP posts: