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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who should pay in this situ?

77 replies

Dinnerdilema · 09/04/2017 14:04

DD's birthday coming up soon. She said she would like to go to local trampoline park followed by lunch with her best friend. As it would be nice to have adult company, I thought I'd ask friend's mum (she's a good friend of mine) to join us for lunch, or the whole outing if she prefers. Trampolining costs about a tenner per child and I'd obviously pay for that. Adult spectators are free but we'd probably have a coffee as we watched.

My question Is, would it be the done thing for me to pay for lunch for all 4 of us, or should the bill be split 50/50? Alternatively, should I pay for the friend, as DD' s birthday guest, and expect her mum to pay for herself? I would add that I don't drive and, although we could go by bus, it would be easier by car. I thought I'd ask if my friend would mind driving, at least back from lunch, if not to the trampoline place too. It's all very local so not too much hardship for her I don't think. We wouldn't go anywhere too pricey - likely a chain restaurant like Bella Italia or Prezzo.

Sorry to ask but I always feel awkward in "Who pays" type situations so want to get it right!

OP posts:
MsJamieFraser · 09/04/2017 14:05

id pay, your inviting them.

LIZS · 09/04/2017 14:07

You. It is more for her and your benefit.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 09/04/2017 14:07

Your birthday treat, you pay.

Although if your friend is like me she'll wrestle you Mrs Doyle style to at least go halves.

madmoon · 09/04/2017 14:07

I would probably ask her to drive but drop in that you would pay for her lunch.
" do you mind driving to said venue and I will pay for your lunch " at least tht way you get there with ease .

WritingHome · 09/04/2017 14:08

You pay for the lot and hopefully she might offer to drive you all there and back

Introvertedbuthappy · 09/04/2017 14:08

I think you should pay. If I were friend's Mum I would think you very cheeky if you invited me, expected me to drive everyone there and then pay for half of the lunch bill...

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 14:08

Agree you pay for everyone to trampoline. Don't think you need to buy the coffees for the watching adults.

Think you should pay for DD and her friend's lunch, as that's the invitation. If you can afford it, I think it would be nice of you to buy the mum lunch as well, esp if she's driving. If this would make it v expensive for you, just make sure she knows in advance that you're not paying for her lunch so she's not shocked in the restaurant when the bill comes.

Hope your DD has a lovely party.

MakeItRain · 09/04/2017 14:08

I've done similar in the past and have always paid for everyone. My dd's friend's mum offered to pay for her own lunch but I refused the offer.

ChasedByBees · 09/04/2017 14:08

I think for a party invite, you should pay.

firawla · 09/04/2017 14:10

You pay, especially if you're asking her the favour to drive!

Thinking that you'll pay for yourself, dd and her dd and she just pays for herself would be really awkward Shock- just get the bill and pay all of it. It'll even out over the years if you're friends and there will be other excursions in future

RaeSkywalker · 09/04/2017 14:11

You should definitely pay.

LadyPW · 09/04/2017 14:11

You pay, and you don't ask for a lift, you say it's your treat & that as you don't drive you'll be getting the bus, do they prefer to meet you there or bus with you (and mum hopefully says 'we drive you')

rollonthesummer · 09/04/2017 14:12

You can't expect her to drive and then expect her to pay for her own dinner too! She's doing you a favour by driving.

notangelinajolie · 09/04/2017 14:13

You can't invite someone to your daughters birthday and then tell them they have to pay and oh by the way they are driving you all there as well. Seriously??!!

harderandharder2breathe · 09/04/2017 14:22

You pay, like pp suggested, mention it when you ask if she'll drive

Floggingmolly · 09/04/2017 14:24

You pay. Of course.

SnookieSnooks · 09/04/2017 14:26

Agree with mad moon!

NickMyLipple · 09/04/2017 14:27

Clubcard vouchers for lunch??

DonaldStott · 09/04/2017 14:30

You pay if you want her to drive, which, unless you're really good friends, I'd feel a bit cheeky asking.

DonaldStott · 09/04/2017 14:31

Apols. Just seen she is a good friend, but I still think lunch should be on you.

Papafran · 09/04/2017 14:32

You pay, but i agree with a pp who said get some vouchers and then the meal will be half price anyway.

pictish · 09/04/2017 14:33

It's an invite to your occasion so you pay. x

HecateAntaia · 09/04/2017 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 09/04/2017 14:37

Op, did you really think it was ok to ask your friend to drive you to the venue, in addition to splitting the costs of your dd's birthday party 50/50?
That's embarrassing, actually. Sorry.

Original poster
Dinnerdilema · 09/04/2017 14:38

Thanks - I think I have my answer! Great suggestion about the Clubcard vouchers. Should've mentioned that I'm a single parent and not exactly rolling in cash (friend's family are reasonably comfortably off). However, I'm hoping I have enough vouchers to pay a chunk of the bill which would be a bonus!

OP posts: