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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to look after ill son

60 replies

AngelThursday · 05/04/2017 17:43

So basically DS (15) has not been feeling well today and has been sick etc several times.
I am a SAHM but have a regular commitment on a Thursday. A prebooked series of courses where if I miss one is hard to catch up. DH has the option with his job to work from home if he has no client meetings which he regularly chooses to do.
I have asked him if he will wfh tomorrow in order to be with DS so I can go to my course. He has no meetings but is grumbling, saying my job is to stay at home and why should he change his work plans just to please me.
DS just needs someone in the house, not hands on care as such so I don't see why DH couldn't stay home and work while I go to my course. He's his son too after all? If he's still poorly on Friday I will of course change my plans and look after him. I'm only asking for tomorrow

OP posts:
Bubblysqueak · 05/04/2017 17:46

My ds has been off ill all week and me and dh have been taking it in turns to take time off work as it's our responsibility.

ImperialBlether · 05/04/2017 17:47

Does your husband realise how hard it is to like someone who's so miserable?

TitaniasCloset · 05/04/2017 17:47

Yanbu. He is a parent too and needs to take some of the responsibility.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/04/2017 17:48

Does he need looking after at 15? Perhaps your DH doesn't think it's necessary.

19lottie82 · 05/04/2017 17:48

Your son is 15. Does he really NEED someone in the house at all times? I know he's ill and it would be nice for him to have someone there but is it really essential? How far away would the nearest one of you be if he needed you to come home?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/04/2017 17:49

I only ask because my parents both worked full time most of my life so I would be left from the age of 11 (unless it was serious)

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 05/04/2017 17:50

Your job is to stay at home? So chef head on at tea time - send him a bill for his meal. What an arse.

Hercules12 · 05/04/2017 17:51

Why does he need someone in the house? What would you both do if there was no option to work from home and you had a job? Surely you both wouldn't be taking time off work .

ApplePaltrow21 · 05/04/2017 17:51

your son is 15 not 5. He needs a minder for a 1/2 day at best.

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 17:52

Surely neither of your needs to stay at home?

If your DS is vomiting today, he'll probably just be tired and weak tomorrow.

Oysterbabe · 05/04/2017 17:52

My parents would have left me to fend myself when ill at 15 without a second thought.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/04/2017 17:53

Not convinced a 15 year old really needs someone at home, but if he does, it sounds reasonable that DH should facilitate it.

Are you a SAHM for younger children too?

HermioneJeanGranger · 05/04/2017 17:54

If you both worked out of the house, would you really lose a days wage to look after a 15yo?

HolditFinger · 05/04/2017 17:57

Ok, at 15, I'd probably just leave him and tell him to call if he feels worse. But that's not the issue here.

Your H is his parent too - one day a week to do a course isn't much to ask for is it? So things that matter to you can only be accommodated if it fits in after everyone else's stuff? Sod that.

I'd be telling him that he IS staying home tomorrow since it's not affecting him, or I'll be going on strike and not doing anything for any of them.

Feelinglikeafailure · 05/04/2017 17:58

I'm struggling to see why your DH is unreasonable.

You are a SAHM. That literally is your job. The stay at home part.... Hmm

I digress, a 15 yo does not need parent supervision

Topseyt · 05/04/2017 18:01

Most 15 year olds do not need someone at home all of the time to look after them.

Do what you have to do. I would. My DDs are 21, 18 and 14. A 15 year old should easily be able to manage if not seriously ill. I would be going to work. They have my number if needed. Just go to your course.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 05/04/2017 18:02

You are a SAHM. That literally is your job. The stay at home part...

WTAF? A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. If she was asking her DH to sack off important meetings she WBU, but working from home won't hurt him. And his comment was dickish in the extreme.

KinkyAfro · 05/04/2017 18:02

Her DH is being unreasonable by saying it's her job to stay at home

HelenaGWells · 05/04/2017 18:05

You are a SAHM. That literally is your job. The stay at home part.... 

Did you not catch the part where the OP said she is doing a course? I assume usually the kids are at school. Maybe she's retraining and trying to get back to work. Why should she miss her course when there is an easy solution in the form of her DH doing something he can easily do and which won't affect his wages/holidays etc.

I agree that at 15 the child could probably be left but not all kids are good being alone for long periods at that age. There is a difference between a couple of hours after school and 8 hours all day.

Topseyt · 05/04/2017 18:07

I agree that the comment about it being OP's job to stay at home bollocks and dickish. I would have pulled him up sharply on it.

I still think though that a 15 year old who isn't seriously ill doesn't need constant parental supervision though and would be fine for a few hours on their own.

timeisnotaline · 05/04/2017 18:08

Maybe a 15 year old could manage on their own (they really could) but your dhs comments are way out of line.

steff13 · 05/04/2017 18:09

Well, I think your husband is being a bit of a dick. That said, though, I don't think it's necessary for anyone to stay home with your son for what seems to be a simple stomach virus. It's unlikely he'll even still be throwing up tomorrow.

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 18:13

Her DH is being unreasonable by saying it's her job to stay at home

But she's a stay at home mum Confused

That's the massive point about being a SAHM - that childcare is not an issue, because there's someone there to stay at home with them.

Not that I think a 15yr old needs a parent at home the day after he's vomited.

Sirzy · 05/04/2017 18:14

I agree with the majority. Doesn't really seem like something serious enough for a 15 year old to need someone to stay at home.

ApocalypseNowt · 05/04/2017 18:14

Your DH is being U but I agree with other posters that your DS doesn't need someone with him all day. Could you ask tell your DH to stay at home for the morning or afternoon?