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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to look after ill son

60 replies

AngelThursday · 05/04/2017 17:43

So basically DS (15) has not been feeling well today and has been sick etc several times.
I am a SAHM but have a regular commitment on a Thursday. A prebooked series of courses where if I miss one is hard to catch up. DH has the option with his job to work from home if he has no client meetings which he regularly chooses to do.
I have asked him if he will wfh tomorrow in order to be with DS so I can go to my course. He has no meetings but is grumbling, saying my job is to stay at home and why should he change his work plans just to please me.
DS just needs someone in the house, not hands on care as such so I don't see why DH couldn't stay home and work while I go to my course. He's his son too after all? If he's still poorly on Friday I will of course change my plans and look after him. I'm only asking for tomorrow

OP posts:
Hercules12 · 05/04/2017 18:17

It does seem odd. Op is a stay at home mum but posters are saying it's not her job to stay at home. Confused

Feelinglikeafailure · 05/04/2017 18:30

I constantly see post where the SAHP goes on and on about how hard being a SAHP id and how it is a days work blah blah blah.

But when I post to point out that being a SAHM is her job I'm out of line.....

Make your bloody minds up Grin

steff13 · 05/04/2017 18:34

Actually, I do think it's a fair point, that it's the OP's job to stay at home. Her staying home facilitates her husband being able to work - isn't that what we always say?

I think it's dickish that he won't stay home as a one-off if he has the ability to work from home, unless he has a good reason not to. Being partners is about helping each other out. But, as I said, it's not really necessary for anyone to be home with a 15-year-old.

AyeAmarok · 05/04/2017 18:35

A 15 year old doesn't need a minder all day long. He could move out next year!

What is the course? If it's a hobby, you should stay home, if it's retraining for a job, then DH should stay home.

RitaMills · 05/04/2017 18:44

I wouldn't have thought a 15 year old would need someone at home. That being said your DP is still a dick for the little 'your job is to stay at home' jem.

WankingMonkey · 05/04/2017 18:52

Is there a medical reason your son needs someone home with him at 15 year old?

If not then I kinda think it would be best to just leave him home alone.

KateDaniels2 · 05/04/2017 19:03

Everyone saying the dh is out of line, have you thought that he may not agree that a 15 year old needs someone there all day.

In which case why should he stay home. Op is insisting the 15 year old is being supervised, then ahe needs to sort it.

I wouldnt stay at home with my 15 year old because dh insisted on it, if i didnt agree that she needed someone at home all day.

Hercules12 · 05/04/2017 19:10

I guess if you you're very used to being at home with your 15 year old then it must feel wrong to leave them but in households where both parents are out at work it's no big deal as this has been the case for probably the last 5 years.

Original poster
AngelThursday · 05/04/2017 20:09

Not sure how I've posted twice but to answer the question about the course - it is to further an interest/hobby not to learn or upgrade possible work related skills
DH says I should stay home as he has to work to earn the money that keeps us to the (very good) lifestyle we enjoy and that I have lots of free time normally as we have a cleaner, ironing sent out, gardener etc

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/04/2017 20:10

Why can't he stay home alone?

Hercules12 · 05/04/2017 20:11

I'm not sure what your reasoning is for firstly wanting your 15 year old to be looked after and secondly why you think your hobby trumps your dh's work.

RupertsMum2 · 05/04/2017 20:34

Whilst it would be kind of your Dh to agree to work from home to let you go to your course I do agree with him that childcare is your job. If you feel that your 15 year old needs someone to stay with him then I think it's your job to arrange it. Perhaps you need to have a conversation with your dh to ensure that he is still happy with the division of labour.

foxyloxy78 · 05/04/2017 21:08

Yanbu. He needs to pull his weight.

Blueskyrain · 05/04/2017 21:14

So you want him to rearrange things with work, to stay at home and look after your sick teenager (who will be fine by himself), whilst you, whose job it is to look after your child as a SAHP, goes and does your hobby?

I think you are being extremely unreasonable. It would be lovely if he offered, but of course his work will trump your hobby.

Hercules12 · 05/04/2017 21:15

Surely by going to work every day and providing such a lifestyle for op he is pulling his weight.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 05/04/2017 21:23

At 15, surely they can be left at home.

I'm struggling to see why the DH is BU, he works and the OP doesn't. Surely by default the SAH non working person does the childcare?

araiwa · 05/04/2017 21:24

jesus christ

entitled much op?

what the fuck do you actually do and contribute to this family?

clearly a troll

user1471439727 · 05/04/2017 21:24

Is the 15 year old your only child? How old is your youngest?

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 05/04/2017 21:27

Hoping troll for the sake of womanhood, opting out of everything domestic and work as well is awfully lazy.

DJBaggySmalls · 05/04/2017 21:28

Its irrelevant that you are a SAHM, it doesnt mean you are chained to the kitchen sink. You should definitely keep your skills up to date.
Your DH is being a dick. He is able to change his hours to suit but wants to throw a tantrum instead, thats manipulative.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 05/04/2017 21:32

Latest OP post makes me think this is a driving-your-car-backwards thread.

Hello, MrAngelThursday!

RitaMills · 05/04/2017 21:34

Yeah I've kind of changed my stance after the last update. If you literally have nothing domestic to worry about then yes I do agree the childcare should fall to you. I still don't understand why a 15 year old can't be left alone?

Brokenbiscuit · 05/04/2017 21:35

It would be nice if your DH would stay at home with ds (if he really needs someone) in order to facilitate your attendance at your class, but you have no right to expect this. His work trumps your hobby.

In any case, with a cleaner, a gardener, an ironing service and school aged dc - unless you have much younger dc as well - it doesn't sound like you're short of time for your hobbies. Perhaps your dh is refusing to facilitate your hobby because he doesn't feel that you're pulling your weight?

Brokenbiscuit · 05/04/2017 21:36

DJ, the OP has said that it's a hobby class, nothing to do with keeping skills up to date.

BarryTheKestrel · 05/04/2017 21:42

Why on earth does a 15 year old need someone home with them? Obviously excluding any disability there really is no need.