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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how far you'd travel for a DCs activity?

75 replies

Hoptastic53 · 29/03/2017 22:29

One of my DDs is talented at gymnastics but the local club closed down last year. She really misses it so I've been looking around to find the next closest one. The class is two hours long and finishes at 7.15. It is about a 15 mile/25 minute journey and her younger siblings would have to come along.

DP thinks she shouldn't be allowed to do it on the basis it's too far and too late and on a school night. However, the DC are rarely in bed before 9 so I don't see the problem. Her old club was only three miles away but across town and so could sometimes take just as long to get to. There's a nice park near the gym club which I'd take the other DC to while she's training during the summer and during the winter I'd pack toys to occupy them. I think DP is being particularly unreasonable bearing in mind he won't be doing any of the ferrying around so it won't actually affect him but he's adamant that no one travels more than five or so miles on a school night for an activity.

OP posts:

foxyloxy78 · 29/03/2017 22:30

I think its fine and you should take her.

Lovelilies · 29/03/2017 22:35

I wouldn't personally take my younger 2 to a 3 hour activity for eldest. How old are they? Can DP not look after them while you take DD, or vice versa?
Or can another parent take her?

228agreenend · 29/03/2017 22:35

How old is your child?

To be honest, I think that's fine. 25 minutes isn't that long at all. I,travelled 15 miles to take my son to his activity regularly.

Original poster

Hoptastic53 · 29/03/2017 22:38

She's nearly nine. We don't know anyone else who goes so no one else to take her. The younger two are two and six. DP does his hobby that night so he can't help.

OP posts:

newmumwithquestions · 29/03/2017 22:39

I don't think that's far. I travelled further than that for a baby/toddler activity!
But it only works if your other DD are happily occupied, otherwise it's not fair.

AChickenCalledKorma · 29/03/2017 22:40

It does depend a bit how old she is and how talented. For a child who lived and breathed gymnastics and had proved that they had the commitment to work hard at it i might travel that far. But it's three hours out of the house for you and her siblings and that's a lot.

You also need to be thinking about how sustainable this will genuinely be when her siblings are older, potentially jealous and it's too cold and wet for the park. And crucially, you be willing to do the same for both siblings if/when they have a similar desire? On different nights? In a different location? Because that's going to be exhausting and everyone will need to agree that it's worth it.

attheendoftheday · 29/03/2017 22:41

Much further than that! We regularly do one class that is 45 mins away and another than is 30 mins away. But we are very rural, so it's that or no activities.

JellyWitch · 29/03/2017 22:43

That sounds reasonable. We do a 30 minutes journey to swimming for my eldest. It takes us out for an hour and a half straight after school.

2014newme · 29/03/2017 22:45

It's fine.
Girls ay our gym club travel over an hour each way, every day.

grumpysquash3 · 29/03/2017 22:45

I drive DS 25 mins each way for a 30 min music lesson.
DD will be with the same teacher soon, but different instrument and different day, so I'll be doing it twice a week.

OP I think in your case it's the fact that you have to take the younger ones for 3 hours, plus the fact that your DH's hobby trumps your DD's gymnastics. That's a bigger issue than the distance IMO.

MrsTwix · 29/03/2017 22:56

So he is telling you what to do while he is out doing his hobby.

If you are happy to do it then go for it. His hobby is presumably much more important than DDs because he is a man and must do man stuff. Ffs.

LouBlue1507 · 29/03/2017 22:58

I don't think it's the distance it's the fact your dragging your two other DCs out for that length of time, it really isn't fair on them.

DropZoneOne · 29/03/2017 23:00

My DD loves gymnastics. If her local club closed, I'd be happy to travel that distance for her. As a toddler, she had activities the next town over and with traffic it would be a good 30 minutes drive.

I do only have DD though, I can see it's trickier with siblings in tow.

Isadora2007 · 29/03/2017 23:02

Honestly? I would think hard about this- at 9 if she has talent she would need to be training quite a few hours per week quite quickly. E.g. Dd will be 8 this year and trains 10 hours per week- over three sessions. If we moved now I would travel as I know her commitment and talent. But I wouldnt start her, no.

In your scenario I think I would look into cheerleading or acro dance or even diving or other sports or hobbies that could utilise gym type skills closer to home.

Hairyfairy01 · 29/03/2017 23:02

I think he's worried you'll find taking the younger 2 too much and want him to quit his hobby. I regularly travel over 30 mins for activities.

Ylvamoon · 29/03/2017 23:04

I'm not sure if I'd do it with a 2 & 6 year old in tow.
Can't you drop your DD of and DP pick her up?
I used to take my DD to an 90min activity about 30min drive away. DS was 18 months when she started. The long wait made him very ratty on those evenings as he was out of his routine. He is a lot older now and has joined her! (Maybe an option for your 6y old?)
I guess it's durable if you are very patient/ your children are very placid- otherwise think again, them long, cold, dark and wet winter evenings are no fun for anyone!

Original poster

Hoptastic53 · 29/03/2017 23:06

She is talented and would be doing extra training at the weekend too.

I agree it isn't fair on her siblings but it isn't fair that she can't do something she loves because of them either. They don't mind watching and DD doesn't do any other activities so it's only one busy night per week.

OP posts:

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/03/2017 23:08

I drive DD 15 miles three times a week for her after school activities, two of those times are school nights. When you do figure skating and rowing it's not like people have plenty of ice rinks and rivers distributed across town.

I wouldn't worry about bringing the two year old as they'll probably have a great time with you while your DD does the gymnastics. It is rough on the 6 year old though. Is there anyone who can babysit, such as a young teen neighbor? Can you trade off them going to a friend once in a while with having the friend back to yours?

Original poster

Hoptastic53 · 29/03/2017 23:08

He's out until late with his hobby so is no use at all.

OP posts:

AlexanderHamilton · 29/03/2017 23:08

I've travelled much further for dds dance but usually managed to get grandparents to have younger ds

irishe · 29/03/2017 23:15

Yes I would do it. I regularly drive my 5 year old to her music class which is 15 miles and 30 min journey.

The only thing That would give me pause, in your shoes, is that if I am ill or just knackered my DH will take her, you won't have that back up and it sounds very unlikely from the noises he is making that your partner will take her.

That wouldn't stop me though.

HeddaGarbled · 29/03/2017 23:16

I don't think it's the distance which is the problem, it's the having to take the younger ones with you and keep them out for that length of time. I've done a similar length drive for a music lesson.

Going to the park sounds like a good way to while away the time but winter is a problem. I think they will get fed up. Is cinema or soft play or swimming or something an alternative?

It might be worth going even further away but on a night when you can leave the younger ones home with your H.

He's being dictatorial, by the way. Not his place to choose random mileage limits for you. Maybe he could switch his hobby nights? No, didn't think so.

2rebecca · 29/03/2017 23:19

Agree it's not the 15 miles as much as trailing the other kids along that's the problem. Occupying them in the rain for 2 hours every week sounds a lot.

KosmoKramer · 29/03/2017 23:19

I drive a nightly three hour round trip for DS2 sport, plus two early mornings a week.

Me and my car are shagged. But DS2 is happy for now.

2rebecca · 29/03/2017 23:21

Can he change his hobby? If not then given he got in first that night with his hobby and it's just 1 night I'd leave it. Agree the random mileage limits is daft.

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