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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how far you'd travel for a DCs activity?

75 replies

Hoptastic53 · 29/03/2017 22:29

One of my DDs is talented at gymnastics but the local club closed down last year. She really misses it so I've been looking around to find the next closest one. The class is two hours long and finishes at 7.15. It is about a 15 mile/25 minute journey and her younger siblings would have to come along.

DP thinks she shouldn't be allowed to do it on the basis it's too far and too late and on a school night. However, the DC are rarely in bed before 9 so I don't see the problem. Her old club was only three miles away but across town and so could sometimes take just as long to get to. There's a nice park near the gym club which I'd take the other DC to while she's training during the summer and during the winter I'd pack toys to occupy them. I think DP is being particularly unreasonable bearing in mind he won't be doing any of the ferrying around so it won't actually affect him but he's adamant that no one travels more than five or so miles on a school night for an activity.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoptastic53 · 29/03/2017 23:22

He won't have them home with him any night but that's for another thread. I just don't get why he's getting his knickers in a twist when it doesn't affect him.

OP posts:
NightCzar · 29/03/2017 23:28

Can you do a trial week and see how the younger two go?

TheRealPooTroll · 29/03/2017 23:29

The distance is doable I think but surely the 2yr old will be bored after about 1/2 an hour even if you take toys.

Susiesue61 · 29/03/2017 23:31

We regularly take DD al over the county for her hobby. She's 15 now but have done since she was 11ish. However, DH and I split the taking between us - he's done a 100 mile round trip tonight! Ds2 does sometimes have to come but always quite liked spending the time with me.

Original poster
Hoptastic53 · 29/03/2017 23:33

We may have done the trial week without telling him Wink It rained so we couldn't go to the park but 2 year old was happy playing with other waiting siblings and 6 year old and I did her reading books, colouring, stickers etc.

OP posts:
JamesDelayneysTattoos · 29/03/2017 23:39

I have 4 school age dc

Monday - get in from school by 4.10, no activities

Tuesday - get in from school 4.10, food. Dd 11 has performing arts, leave house at 6, drop off 6.30, home by 6.45 ish

Leave house again at 8.10 to collect. Get home by 8.50 ish. Have to bring dd 9 and dd 6 with me for these trips

Weds - get home from school at 3.30 with dd's (9&6), leave house at 4.20 to collect dd 11 from dance. Get home by 5

Leave house at 6 for gymnastics for dd's 9&6. If dh is going to be home by 7pm ( rare) then I leave dd 11 at home with ds 13. If he's not going to be home by then, then she has to come too.

Dd(6) has class 6.30-7.30, we sit and watch/read magazines/dd draws
Dd(9) class is 7.30-8.30 so we wait. Home by 8.50

Thursday - home by 4.10

Friday - home from first school run by 3.30. Back out at 4.30 to collect Dd 11 from film club. Dd's come with me. Home by 5.25

smallchanceofrain · 29/03/2017 23:48

We live in a rural area and DS does three activities, all of which are at least a 40 minute drive away. Like others have said, the issue for me would be whether it would be fair on the younger children to take them along. Your DH won't have them home with him? Hmm This would be a good opportunity for him to start acting like a parent!

Witchend · 29/03/2017 23:54

It's the dragging the younger two which would do it for me. They'll be tired, and whinny and bored. You're going to be either out for around 3 hours with them, or they're going to have approximately 2 hours in the car every week, neither of which sound attractive to me.

Ds (youngest of 3) used to absolutely hate being taken out for his dsis' things, because he felt he was always being dragged about for no gain to himself.

You also do need to factor in that your younger two may want to do things too, and they may turn round and say "you did it for her, why won't you take me 10 miles"...

The furthest I do on a regular basis is just over 3 miles.
One offs we have done far further

BackforGood · 30/03/2017 00:04

Once you start going, you might find there is (are) another parent(s) who might be happy to lift share with you, especially if your local club is now closed.
I know it is part of being a sibling to have to trail around and wait at activities sometimes but that's a long session to be waiting for, and a late time to be getting in for the younger siblings.

Boffered1 · 30/03/2017 00:07

If she loves it and you are happy to take her then I would go for it. Gymnastics moves at a pace though and if she has a talent for it the hours can ramp up pretty quickly with the squads training anywhere between 12 and 20 plus hours a week.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 30/03/2017 00:14

Your issue isn't the activities Wink

DS(4) handles the 1hr+ that we're out at DS1's activity. That's 1hr on its own, but he's got another in a nearby building 45 minutes later, and it's not worth walking past it to go home then turning around to go back out 15 minutes later. Now the daylight and weather are improving, we leave a bit earlier and head to the playground which is better.

In distance, we go swimming in the neighbouring city as the pool is better than the remaining pool in mine. It's about 15 miles, but doing it mainly on dual carriageway is no less efficient than driving to my city centre, paying for parking and lugging children and kit to the pool. That's currently once per child, but will hopefully get them on the same evening when DS2 moves up a stage and doesn't have daytime lessons anymore.

TheRealPooTroll · 30/03/2017 00:16

As a one off they might have been happy. Doing it every week might become a chore for them. Could you take the younger 2 for tea somewhere while the class is on maybe?

BarbarianMum · 30/03/2017 06:45

I think the distance/travel time s fine but it's a long wait for the little ones, week in, week out. Other than the park is there nothing nearby that they would enjoy (cafes, swimming pool, activity for the 6 year old)?

Original poster
Hoptastic53 · 30/03/2017 07:15

The 6 year old may join the class after Easter but then I'm pregnant and DP says it'll still be too much with a newborn. There is somewhere we could go for tea but can't afford to do so every week.

OP posts:
AChickenCalledKorma · 30/03/2017 07:19

Do think ahead to when your children are older. Ferrying one 9yo around when her siblings are happy to play will be relatively manageable. In for years fine, it will be a that, a stroppy, bored pre-teen and a 6yo. And if they all want to do different, time consuming hobbies you will be struggling.

The fact that your DH won't get involved is worrying. Getting three children out to their activities is truly exhausting if you have to do it alone and the chances are your youngest will miss out because they can't be fitted in between what the others want to do.

Original poster
Hoptastic53 · 30/03/2017 07:21

There's a younger class before her class so it's likely that in 18 months time when my youngest is 4 they'll all be doing a class and have to wait for one another.

OP posts:
AChickenCalledKorma · 30/03/2017 07:22

Four children and he won't have them on his own?! You seriously need to address that together, for the sake of your future sanity.

2014newme · 30/03/2017 07:34

The fact you had several kids with someone who can't be arsed to look after them I can't comprehend but don't have any more! those Poor kids! Contraception!
There is bound to be someone you can do a lift swap with. Ask the gym for anyone who lives nearby, then you drop off they pick up etc.

RedSkyAtNight · 30/03/2017 07:50

Yes, agree with others the issue is not the travelling (25 minutes is fine) but the wait while the class is on and dragging along the little ones. They may have been fine once, but they are soon going to start resenting it. You can't assume they will want to go to the earlier gymnastics class either! I think the novelty of doing what you plan will wear off very quickly and you'll get tired of the constant grind.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/03/2017 07:56

I 'd be inclined to do it for as long as you can manage it and the other kids are ok with it. You may need to stop when you have a newborn but I can't see why that should mean your DD can't do it for another few months if she loves it - esp moving into summer with the park for the others.

The travel time/distance don't seem at all excessive for a 2hr high quality activity.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/03/2017 07:58

'We don't know anyone else who goes '

Thats another reason for doing it now - theres always the chance you'll get to know someone who's coming from your neck of the woods.

PixieMiss · 30/03/2017 08:04

I was all onboard till you said you were pregnant. How would you cope with a newborn in the car for 3 hours alongside the others?

On the other hand, depending on your feelings on this, in 2 years she could be ready to make her own way there and then just have you take the trip to pick her up?

Meloncoley2 · 30/03/2017 08:27

I'd do it. You can always stop it if it doesn't work out, but you won't know if you don't go.

Motherbear26 · 30/03/2017 08:37

I don't think the issue here is the activity, I think it's your husbands selfishness. You are putting your daughter first, he is not. Of course you can and will manage with the siblings, you already do that. I agree with the pp that said he is so against the ide because he is worried that he might be asked to help. I'm wondering why (when you already have 3 kids and are expecting a fourth) he isn't already offering to help. I think there is far more to this than just this one activity.

Motherbear26 · 30/03/2017 08:37

*idea