to ask how far you'd travel for a DCs activity?

[Hoptastic53]

One of my DDs is talented at gymnastics but the local club closed down last year. She really misses it so I've been looking around to find the next closest one. The class is two hours long and finishes at 7.15. It is about a 15 mile/25 minute journey and her younger siblings would have to come along.

DP thinks she shouldn't be allowed to do it on the basis it's too far and too late and on a school night. However, the DC are rarely in bed before 9 so I don't see the problem. Her old club was only three miles away but across town and so could sometimes take just as long to get to. There's a nice park near the gym club which I'd take the other DC to while she's training during the summer and during the winter I'd pack toys to occupy them. I think DP is being particularly unreasonable bearing in mind he won't be doing any of the ferrying around so it won't actually affect him but he's adamant that no one travels more than five or so miles on a school night for an activity.

I take DS to an activity that is 30 miles away a couple of times a month, it's an all day activity (at least 6hrs) the rest of the month it is at a local place and is in the evening (3hrs) it's a good job i don't have younger kids as i don't think that would be fair on them.

I would say it depends on how you and the younger kids manage, if they are ok with it and it doesn't cause any problems for any of you then there's no real reason to give it up.

I have 4 children and no one to help out. My son does an activity that takes up four evenings a week and most Saturday or Sunday evenings. My other three children come along and are quite happy playing, colouring etc whilst we wait. It's a 40 minute round trip and training can last from one hour to four. Youngest is 4. It's fine and does them no harm. They get to know other siblings and form their own friendships there.

I did tonnes of activities when I was a kid/teenager, and for me the travelling to and fro were some of the best parts. My dad drove me and although we were close anyway, it gave us time to talk and I really cherish those memories. Equally, when my sister and I did activities together, we grew really close - we didn't go to the same school so this was a two hour round trip where we got to spend time together, share secrets and come up with in jokes.

Does the issue have more to do with the fact the DH would much rather do his hobby than see his child do hers?

Can he not do his hobby on another night of the week so he can look after his other DC?

I travel just under an hour each way 5 times a week for dds gymnastics and have been for the last few years - I have 4 kids and the other 3 also have their own hobbies, they're older now so can be left (eldest is 15). We've been at the gym club for 7 years so I can do the route blindfolded!

However dh helps with getting the others to their activities and will take the younger 2 out on the farm with him if he's still working. I couldn't do it without his support and at the end of the day they are as much his responsibility as mine!

If class is two hours from 5.15 to 7.15 and you have to get there and back, when is anyone being fed?? You are out of the house from 4.45 to 7.45 (at least). I think the younger ones may be happy to be there sometimes but the novelty will quickly wear off. I'm also not sure when your baby is due but once s/he arrives you are not going to be able to pay much attention to the 6 and 2 year old so I think you will end up stressed and exhausted by the whole thing. I do think you have a much bigger issue than gymnastics though, in the form of your DH! What a pathetic excuse of a man who can't look after his own children for one evening a week! If you could leave the younger two with him and take your DD to gymnastics (and the baby as well when it arrives) that would make things a thousand times easier.

This is really about your husband being a jerk. He wants you barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. 😒

My mother would take me and DS to activities 2 nights a week, one was about 20-25 mins away, the other 35-40mins away, every week. On top of spending hours driving us to ride our horses, feed them etc etc every day, twice a day. And then would take us to competitons, minimum every other weekend, which would regularly be spread across both days of the weekend, and would be anything from 20 mins to 6 hours away. Anything longer than 3 hours and we would stay over. So, no, I don't think that 25 mins is too long, and your DH seems a bit selfish about it. That being said, I don't know how happy mother would have been if we had younger siblings, especially with one on the way, so I can also see it being a problem. However, if he has a problem with his youngest children being out late, he could quite easily quit his hobby and stay home to look after them...

When you live in a rural area like me 25 minutes is no time at all. I travel 45 minutes to take my daughter to school and her nearest after school activity is around 30 minutes.

I really don't like the sound of your husband op

Unfortunate they could all have a cooked meal at lunch time on gym days then take a packed lunch for the evening.

We are quite rural so DD isn't ever going to be able to make her own way there.

Even if DP could shift his hobby (which he won't) he can't cope with more than one DC at a time. And yes, I do know it's pathetic! He's be likely to get his mum over but she's almost an hour away so it's a big inconvenience and just easier for me to take the DC with me.

Presuming it's his only hobby night a week I can understand him not wanting to drop it tbf. It's not like it's a one off.
With no. 4 on the way he needs to get used to handling at least 2 children on his own pretty pronto. I'd stop accepting that excuse right now.

I'd at least start it, and see how it goes.

You may meet someone there who lives close to you and is happy to share the driving. That would spare the younger ones the waiting around every other week.

The distance/time is fine, I would travel that distance for kids activities. The main issue may be the other kids but if you're happy keeping them entertained I see no pb with giving it a try!

I drive my DD about 25 mins for a weekly Brownies class. There is a park and a library nearby so DS and I do one or the other depending on weather. If DH or my parents are around I leave DS with them as it's a bit repetitive for him. In your shoes I wouldn't do it until DP has the ones who are not joining in the class. It'll be too tedious otherwise. Also too cold to sit in car on cold days.

We travel at least 25 mins for all activities as it always involves public transport as I don't have use of a car. Also, both children come with me, so one has to wait around at one's activity, the other waits at the other's. We just take books, colouring, homework or even the iPad if I feel they've been well behaved during the week.

If any of the younger ones fall asleep in the car on the way back, I'd be doing teeth and comfy clothes whilst you're waiting so you can put them straight to bed if they are transferable children.

I think your real problem here is your DP

It sounds like the other dc cope with it so I'd do it for now. But I still don't really understand why your dh couldn't have the dc - it's only at home for a couple of hours. At that time of day my dc just have dinner and watch TV so it's fairly chilled.

I am assuming you live in a town because round here 25 minutes to an activity is a regular trip!

Do it! When I was 9, I went to gymnastics nearly an hour away every week night for a two hour lesson, & spent 6 hours there on a Saturday, there were girls who travelled a lot further. My mum used to take my brother & sister too, & they used to read books, do colouring, play with toys etc, & they loved it!
When db got older he started football at the same time, in the same place, but dsis never had any interest in doing anything, so she just carried on coming & reading etc whilst db & I were doing our activities & she enjoyed it, because that became her time with dm!

can't you just take her, drop her at gymnastics then go home? and then go back for the end? Or find an activity for the wee ones to do near/at the gymnastics?
I regularly drive my lot about 20/25mins away for activities. I also take the littlest one with me, and we read/play/go shopping. But the lessons are shorter I guess.

He won't have them home with him any night but that's for another thread

It isnt really, its all about your DP. Why are you having children with someone who isnt an equal parent, I dont get it?

We do many activities that are 45 mins to an hour away, but we only have one child and are HE so a very different circumstance.

You are choosing to change the dynamic of his hobby night. He feels threatened.

He feels that if you were ill, he'd be expected to take her. If the younger was ill, he'd be expected to stay home.

Basically, his thinking is - why change the status quo (the status quo that he is happy with) for a hobby your daughter stopped last year.

You are pregnant - what will the arrangements be in the new-baby phase?

You need to negotiate. You don't get to say "this is going to happen", he does not get to say "nothing is going to change"

If he can't look after them when they're well, he certainly won't look after them when they're ill Beyond.

If I drop and then go back Butteries that means two hours in the car for the little ones. I'd rather stay in the area and have them play than only be home for an hour at most before setting off with them again.