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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a rubbish excuse for cheating?

71 replies

Balletomane25 · 25/03/2017 08:24

About a week or so ago I posted a thread about my issues with DP’s adult DD ever since they all moved into my house. Apparently, none of that matters anymore because I found out that (now ex) DP has been cheating on me with this bloke from her workplace!

When I confronted her about it she at least had the decency to admit to her indiscretions, but following that I got the excuse of “I have only ever been with men before you why can’t you understand that this isn’t easy for me”.

AIBU to think that this is a ridiculous excuse? Surely if she wasn’t comfortable with me she should’ve left after the first night? Why be with me for 4 bloody years? Why decide to move in with me? Has it all been one long, extended game for her?

It hasn't fully sunk in yet but for now all I can think about is whether I did something wrong or why I wasn't good enough for her.

OP posts:
CoffeeBreakIn5 · 25/03/2017 08:27

YANBU, this isn't a problem with you it's a problem with her.

I'm sorry you've been treated so badly Flowers

At least you can move on and find someone who treats you well, don't give her a second chance.

TotalPineapple · 25/03/2017 08:29

YANBU

If she felt something was missing she should have spoken to you about it. Sorry you've been hurt. Kick the lot of them out (though I do feel for the little one if it's the pp I remember).

PietariKontio · 25/03/2017 08:33

YANBU cheating is cheating, the gender of the other person is irrelevant. Yes, it may have been difficult for her, but that doesn't mean being unfaithful is reasonable, it means being honest with you about that struggle she was having was the right thing to do.

KateDaniels2 · 25/03/2017 08:34

Yes its a shit excuse. She may be struggling with her sexuality and not sure what she wants. She still didnt have to cheat.

She could have been a grown up and been honest with you.

Original poster
Balletomane25 · 25/03/2017 08:36

TotalPineapple Yeah I'm probably the PP you're thinking about. Ah well. Gave her a month to get everything settled (they're most likely going to move to her sister's house about 2 streets away). I'm not even angry about it ATM. Just incredibly sad and not really inclined to go home so I don't have to see her.

OP posts:
SquidgeyMidgey · 25/03/2017 08:36

That's not an excuse to cheat, and no-one has forced her into your relationship. Sounds like you're better off without her Flowers

user1482079332 · 25/03/2017 08:40

Cheats will always try to justify and excuse their behaviour

rollonthesummer · 25/03/2017 08:45

Surely they can move out in less than a month?!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/03/2017 08:47

No excuse for it.

KC225 · 25/03/2017 08:52

Agree with the others cheating is cheating, there are no excuses only cheating.

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with the above poster, if she is moving to her sister round the corner than surely she can move out quickly. Sometimes you need to rip the plaster off quickly.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/03/2017 08:56

She has a month to try to manipulate you to thinking she's changed her ways. Don't let this happen and try to get her out before one month is up. I'm sorry this happened to you.

pipsqueak25 · 25/03/2017 08:58

if it was my ex and theywere moving to their sisters a very short distance away their bags would be outside my front door today not in a months time, can't move out yet ? not my problem you left this place as soon as you cheated on me. Angry and Sad for you, having been there on the receiving end.

cosytoaster · 25/03/2017 09:01

Cheats will always try to justify and excuse their behaviour

^ this. Kick her out now, she's not your problem anymore

cosytoaster · 25/03/2017 09:02

and Flowers for you

Original poster
Balletomane25 · 25/03/2017 09:02

I know I'll get called a doormat for this but I decided to give them a month because it's 3 of them vs 1 of me. I'm not going to force out 2 innocent parties who didn't have any fault in this matter.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 25/03/2017 09:03

OP I remember your PP, you are 25 do you really need this crap in your life? I'd tell this woman and her children to leave now. Find your anger and self respect.

Persianprincess69 · 25/03/2017 09:05

Let the kids stay n chuck out their mama. I know you are being kind thinking of them but you need to think of YOU. You need to do all you can for self preservation. YOUR heart and wellbeing are your first priority. Please put yourself FIRST.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/03/2017 09:35

I wouldn't give them a month. They've got somewhere to go. I'd make them go. Now. No wonder her 15 yr old dd is totally eff'd up. She's got a basket case for a mother. I'm sorry this is happening to you. However, I do think it is for the best. This relationship was far too complicated and not fun at all for you. You're 25 and you should be having fun, not be saddled with a moody teenager and a poor excuse for a mother. I feel really sorry for her children. Stupid woman.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/03/2017 09:36

If you let them stay, where are you going to live for the next month?

thisagain · 25/03/2017 09:38

I don't think there would ever be a justified reason for cheating.

MrsTwix · 25/03/2017 09:39
Flowers
gamerwidow · 25/03/2017 09:42

There is never an excuse for cheating. If you're not happy then leave or try to change your relationship. Don't stay and hedge your bets by keeping the old relationship going for something to fall back while you lie to and deceive your partner.
Don't put up with her justifications they're just rationalisations to make her feel less guilty.

ShatnersWig · 25/03/2017 09:59

You need to kick her out now.

Original poster
Balletomane25 · 25/03/2017 11:17

Mummyoflittledragon I'm currently living at a hotel somewhere close by. Might move back to my sofa since I'm mostly the first one up + last one to bed anyway so I won't be disturbing anyone but IDK yet.

I understand the logic behind kicking them out now. The 20 year old will probably be fine but there's an 8 year old and it's bad enough he had to move here 6 months ago. Wouldn't it be better for him to slowly transition to living at his aunt's place? Gives him time to slowly move his stuff so it won't appear to be so "sudden" I feel.

OP posts:
cosytoaster · 25/03/2017 11:24

Their mother should have thought of all this before choosing to carry on with someone else. I can't believe it's your home and you're staying in a hotel and maybe considering moving back to sleep on the sofa. Seriously, toughen up - they have somewhere to go, you don't need to be nasty just business like.