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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a rubbish excuse for cheating?

71 replies

Balletomane25 · 25/03/2017 08:24

About a week or so ago I posted a thread about my issues with DP’s adult DD ever since they all moved into my house. Apparently, none of that matters anymore because I found out that (now ex) DP has been cheating on me with this bloke from her workplace!

When I confronted her about it she at least had the decency to admit to her indiscretions, but following that I got the excuse of “I have only ever been with men before you why can’t you understand that this isn’t easy for me”.

AIBU to think that this is a ridiculous excuse? Surely if she wasn’t comfortable with me she should’ve left after the first night? Why be with me for 4 bloody years? Why decide to move in with me? Has it all been one long, extended game for her?

It hasn't fully sunk in yet but for now all I can think about is whether I did something wrong or why I wasn't good enough for her.

OP posts:

Spadequeen · 26/03/2017 09:59

Yo can kick the eldest dd out straight away, she is. It your responsibility and has taken the piss.

I also think it's better for the 8 yr old to go now, to stay for another month will make it very confusing and a horrible atmosphere.

If the do stay for longer, your ex gets the sofa, not you. Why the fuck should she get to live rent free in your house, in your bed. Fuck that. It's about time you got angry.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/03/2017 10:16

She's the one who's not bloody good enough for you OP! Her appalling behaviour before and worse now is only a reflection on her.

You need your home back and you life back. You deserve a partner who is kind and respectful to you, loves and cares for you as much as you do her, wants to build a life with you and make you happy.

You'll hurt for a while but you have a happy life ahead of you. Reclaim your space and your future.

Original poster

Balletomane25 · 26/03/2017 11:05

So the DD is finally at her aunt's place. Thought her attitude was awful but clearly the boyfriend takes first prize in the racist department. My neighbour has also kindly told both of them that he'll report them straight to the police if they're ever seen on my property when I'm not home.

About exDP and the DS, I did tell them they had a month, and I still think that as long as it's in that time frame, when they want to move is up to them. No matter what she did I can't just rescind on my offer like that? Seems very unbecoming of me. Also, it might not sound like much but 4 years is a very long time to me and I feel like that's the basic courtesy I can extend to her.

OP posts:

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 26/03/2017 11:07

OP, you are 25. Yu have a lifetime of happiness ahead. Ditch her and her baggage and go live your youth x

Spadequeen · 26/03/2017 11:10

She's taking the piss. And I still think it's worse for the child dragging this out over a month.

Letseatgrandma · 26/03/2017 11:24

No matter what she did I can't just rescind on my offer like that?

Of course you can. You almost seem to be enjoying dragging this out for some reason?!

RiversrunWoodville · 26/03/2017 11:34

ballet I'm so sorry this has happened and I think you are being very kind to put the feelings of dss first but I just hope you aren't being trampled on or holding out for a reconciliation and going to get even more hurt. Sending very un MNy hugs

Original poster

Balletomane25 · 26/03/2017 11:53

Right, I texted her about what's happening with her DD and she has offered to move out tonight. That's settled then. I still feel physically sick being in my house though so that's just absolutely lovely.

OP posts:

ForalltheSaints · 26/03/2017 11:54

Anything that is an excuse in my book is not justified. If it is then it is a reason.

BillSykesDog · 26/03/2017 12:17

Her daughter is behaving appallingly. But I have to say I have a sneaking bit of sympathy for her. It sounds like she's learned her behaviour off her mother and I suspect she's also had a very unsettled childhood with a mother who behaves like this.

Poor 8 year old. I hope he doesn't end up like this too.

Finola1step · 26/03/2017 12:20

Take her up on her offer to leave tonight. Then do whatever you need to do to reclaim your home on an emotional level. If it were me, I would be scrubbing the place from top to bottom, rearranging furniture, decluttering, new bed linen and some nice new towels. That kind of thing. Essentially remarking my territory.

It is your home. Time to reclaim it physically and emotionally.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/03/2017 12:44

I agree with everything Finola said and was just about to write a similar post. Once your house no longer looks like they live there or smells like them, it will start to feel like home again. Good luck

WatchingFromTheWings · 26/03/2017 12:53

No matter what she did I can't just rescind on my offer like that? Seems very unbecoming of me.

You absolutely can. You've put up with a lot and been more than patient. It's not you that's been unbecoming!

Let encourage them to leave tonight. A good clean/clear out once they've gone will help make it feel like your place again!

NaiceBiscuits · 26/03/2017 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picklemepopcorn · 26/03/2017 13:15

I'm glad that is resolved. Please change the locks. The DD isn't trustworthy. I hope you feel better soon. Maybe a friend could come for a visit?

Original poster

Balletomane25 · 26/03/2017 13:41

Well, the aunt and uncle just came over to pick up some of the bulkier items they're moving over. She also asked for all my usual dinner recipes (since I mostly do the cooking) for consistency's sake, so that's something. As it is, the DS already spends most of the time at their place (aunt's a SAHM whose 2 sons have moved to live near uni) while everyone else is at work/uni/goodness-knows-where and I'm hoping the transition won't be too harsh. At least no more than it already is.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/03/2017 13:45

At least the aunt seems to care. I can imagine you're concerned about her son. It'll be over soon and you can find yourself again.

Spadequeen · 26/03/2017 13:59

Get the locks changed ASAP and change any alarm code today.

I wouldn't trust the older dd or your ex.

Change the password on your computer, wifi, banking anything they could have had access to.

hungryhippo90 · 26/03/2017 14:01

Ballet, it sounds like you are a lovely and kind person who has put everyone else's needs above their own.

I really hope you find happiness after this situation.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/03/2017 11:43

Are you ok? Are they gone?

SugarMiceInTheRain · 27/03/2017 12:21

Glad they're moving out quickly. I really felt for you when I read your previous thread, now it seems the daughter has learned her disrespect from her mother - guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Enjoy your life free of these people who have taken advantage of you. You seem lovely and caring, I hope you are able be happy now.

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