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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should she just have worn it?

54 replies

BroomHandledMouser · 23/03/2017 14:35

DD 5 is in a talent show in a few weeks time.

The girls are wearing tutus and the one boy in jogging bottoms.

DD has spoken up and has said that actually, she would rather wear joggers as she's not keen on tutus and other 'girly' clothes.

The TA who's organising all this has blown a gasket and has said that she won't look like all the other girls now and that she'll look different. Not only that, she now has to give everyone the choice.

DD is fine with not looking the same, but should I have just made her wear it for the sake of 3 minutes on stage?

Part of me thinks yes I should've. The other part thinks actually...this little girl has spoken up and she's got a point!

OP posts:
IamFriedSpam · 23/03/2017 14:37

I don't really see the problem with her wearing jogging bottoms since there'll be other kids on stage in them too, why do the girls and boys have to be distinguished by outfit (or do they have separate girl parts and boy parts in the show?)

ImFuckingSpartacus · 23/03/2017 14:38

If the boy can look different and wear joggers, so can the girls. Or if they all have to wear tutus, he can as well.
Tell the TA to find something else to get cross about, because this isn't worth more than a moments thought.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/03/2017 14:38

Blown a gasket?

Ta needs to calm down

Dint see why she can't wear joggers. It's a talent show with the year olds at school. I wouldn't want them to look the same.

I love seeing kids personalities shining through. The ones who do the whole thing stood on one leg or facing the wrong way slightly or the costume falling off a bit....

It's the best part.....

Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 23/03/2017 14:40

They're all doing the exact same routine.

My DM thinks I'm being very unreasonable! Just wanted to get other opinions.

FWIW I agree that girls and boys don't have to be distinguished by clothes. DD has realised this and I'm quite proud of her.

I've reimbursed the TA for the cost as she had already ordered the tutus.

OP posts:
GeillisTheWitch · 23/03/2017 14:40

Hmm I'm on the fence a bit. On the one hand, if the boy is getting to wear joggers then I don't think your DD is unreasonable to want this option too but on the other hand my DD does dancing and doesn't get to choose her own show costumes, the dance teacher chooses and she has to suck it up so I tell her that it's just part of the commitment she has to make to do dancing as a hobby.

greeeen · 23/03/2017 14:41

I would have let her wear the joggers.

Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 23/03/2017 14:41

It's just a one off talent show thing at the school, it's not a regular thing thank god Confused

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 23/03/2017 14:42

Good for your daughter!

GooseFriend · 23/03/2017 14:42

Well if they're all doing the same thing then surely it's better to have not just one dressed differently?

Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 23/03/2017 14:43

She is...and a boy hat too the shock!

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 23/03/2017 14:43

They're 5, there's another child in joggers, why can't she wear joggers?

There will be other times when she just has to wear what she's told, but I don't think this needs to be so strict

0dfod · 23/03/2017 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sirfredfredgeorge · 23/03/2017 14:46

Nope, her choice, choice of what you wear is one of the few choices you can have at age 5.

You could've made some arguments about why everyone looking the same is important, but of course, only if everyone looking the same was important, which it clearly wasn't. So there weren't really any logical arguments you could make, and making an illogical one would be pretty poor.

Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 23/03/2017 14:47

Exactly, she asked me why she needed to wear one to dance and I actually had no answer to that. Not one single answer that would've made any logical sense

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 23/03/2017 14:48

The other part thinks actually...this little girl has spoken up and she's got a point!

That's what I think, too.

Either everyone wears a tutu, including the boy or everyone has a choice. Simple as that.

candyvilla · 23/03/2017 14:50

YANBU. My ds also 5 ,would have wanted to wear the tutu. I think all of the children should have been given the choice at the beginning. I can't help but think that some adults find it difficult when some children don't fit in neatly of what they think a boy/girl should be like/wear and just don't know how to deal with such things in a well balanced way. Why couldn't all of the children wear joggers or similar?

Swirlingasong · 23/03/2017 14:52

But if the TA is organising it and your daughter asked her if she could wear joggers then it is the TA's job to say yes or no. I can't see why she should get cross that a five year old asked a reasonable question. I also can't see why you should reimburse her for the tutu if the school are buying costumes. I'm sure they'll get used for other things.

Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 23/03/2017 14:52

They weren't given the choice candy, they were told what to wear and that was the end of it.

I wouldn't be surprised now if DD is shoved to the back!

OP posts:
WaegukSaram · 23/03/2017 15:02

Either everyone wears a tutu, including the boy or everyone has a choice. Simple as that.

This. Good for your daughter for saying something.

SapphireStrange · 23/03/2017 15:03

Good for your daughter!

I can't see why she should get cross that a five year old asked a reasonable question. Yes, I agree. Is she generally a good TA?

Falafelings · 23/03/2017 15:04

The TA is being pedantic and unreasonable

Morphene · 23/03/2017 15:09

YANBU . It is SO important that when our DD's ask questions like 'why do I have to do this when the boy's don't, that we don't fob them off, but work out if there is a real justifiable reason, and if there isn't, we make it clear there isn't and support them.

glitterglitters · 23/03/2017 15:10

@BroomHandledMouser Sounds like you're raising a strong, confident young lady there who has her head screwed on. 🙌🏼

Lweji · 23/03/2017 15:12

What's the point of buying tutus for a one off?

amusedbush · 23/03/2017 15:15

The TA who's organising all this has blown a gasket and has said that she won't look like all the other girls now

So what? Good on your DD for speaking up.

My P7 teacher tried to force me to wear a skirt and long socks for my part as narrator in a class assembly and he went off his head when I refused because he was a fucking freak, which all came out throughout that year and even phoned my mum about it. She told him to get stuffed that I would be wearing my normal trousers and it wasn't up for discussion.