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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To forgive another strange lie

57 replies

NinaBiina · 22/03/2017 09:11

My boyfriend of 8 months has been lying to me about his age-I'm in my early 20's and he told me he was 30. We met through work, the age gap had never bothered me, I don't actually notice it. He left his passport at mine after stopping by on the way home from the airport-I flicked it open and discovered he's been lying about the year he was born (he's actually 31) and the date (which I really don't understand) I.e said he was born in May but actually August? He's told me a few silly lies before about past relationships, his parents etc-and is very apologetic and admits he was an idiot for doing so. Am I being a fool to continue to see someone who seems to find lying so easy?

OP posts:

FauxFox · 22/03/2017 09:12

Well you can't trust him can you...so how can you have a proper relationship?

Crispbutty · 22/03/2017 09:12

Sounds like a compulsive liar. I would be very wary of continuing the relationship.

gabsdot · 22/03/2017 09:15

I had a boyfriend who lied about his age to me. I was older than him and he made out that we was older than he was. I never actually figured out what age he really was. It turned out he lied about lots of other things too. Stupid stuff. I hate liers. This would be a red flag for me.

isupposeitsverynice · 22/03/2017 09:16

I don't think I could be bothered to have a relationship where I had to second guess everything my boyfriend said. If it was just the birthday thing it'd be weird but possibly excusable, but since there's loads of little stuff, personally I'd not bother.

ChippyDucks · 22/03/2017 09:18

I had a boyfriend who lied about his age to me. I told one of my friends who said 'I would be wary of what else he's able to lie about'
Oh how I wish I'd taken her advice and ended it there and then. Compulsive liars just don't stop.

Trifleorbust · 22/03/2017 09:18

Bizarre. I would be out of if.

Trifleorbust · 22/03/2017 09:18

*it

WhatAPigsEar · 22/03/2017 09:19

That's a deal breaker to me. If he lied about those things you can't trust anything he says.
Also I'd be wary he has something to hide - maybe trying to keep his identity secret because of past misdemeanours?

BastardGoDarkly · 22/03/2017 09:21

How odd.

But no, I couldn't be with someone I couldn't trust.

Gallavich · 22/03/2017 09:23

They are such silly pointless lies that I would think he has some kind of compulsion to lie, rather than a deliberate scheme. Yes, you would be foolish to continue with him tbh.

IamFriedSpam · 22/03/2017 09:24

I'd probably be out too, such an odd pointless lie. It does sound like he lies compulsory or at least habitually - why would you lie about the month you were born in? Apart from anything else surely it's going to be exposed when it comes to your birthday.

HiMyNameIsUnknown · 22/03/2017 09:24

Bizarre. I would trust nothing he's told you and end it

doughnutcraver · 22/03/2017 09:34

The exact same happened to me but I was at the airport ready to go away for a long weekend when I found out he was 6 years older than he had told me! The age gap didn't bother me it was the lies.

I stayed with him another 2 years and the constant petty lies continued
Of hand I can remember
Talking on the phone and hearing running water he told me that he was running a bath but he got rumbled when a bloke walked in and started talking- he was in the pub.

Telling me he was going to see his kids and told me all about what he had done with them and where they went- but my friend saw him walking around the local town.

Saying he had a hospital appointment so my brother dropped him outside the hospital in the next town - there was no appointment but just wanted a lift.
It goes on. all petty pointless little lies that continued.
I couldn't live like that. He actually told me he was seeing a councillor and getting help he lied.
Please don't waste your time on him

JamesDelaneysHat · 22/03/2017 09:35

There will be more lies to come and they'll probably get bigger.

bloodyfuming9 · 22/03/2017 09:37

It would be a deal breaker for me too. You'll never be able to rely on anyhing he says being truthful.

MrsTwix · 22/03/2017 09:37

Big red flags waving here. This lie might be about something trivial, but it's very odd too. I can't think of a sensible reason to lie about something like this.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/03/2017 09:38

I found out my recent Ex is a compulsive liar (amongst many other horrible things!)
You won't ever trust anything he says as the truth.
I couldn't live like that.

icanteven · 22/03/2017 09:40

I have known a couple of people like this. Some of the lies are tiny (like the month of birthday etc) but they can just as easily segue into "I have cancer" or "My fiance (who you never met) died in a hideous building accident, was buried at my request with my engagement ring and the reason you've just spotted that I'm still wearing it is that his parents had an exact replica made for me and sent it to me this week" or "Of course I have a degree in law." and so on... #veryspecificmemories

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 09:40

Too strange. I couldn't have a relationship with someone like that.

It doesn't matter how 'small' the lies are, the fact is relationships are built on trust.

SuperBeagle · 22/03/2017 09:41

My aunt does this: claims she's a year older than she is.

We all suspect it's because she's lied on formal documentation or something at some point and now has to carry it on.

FWIW, she's a psychopath (truly), and a big part of that is pathological lying.

I'd run for the hills now if I were you. It's a sign of things to come.

Italiangreyhound · 22/03/2017 09:41

NinaBiina I would not stay. Lies are corrosive.

My dh once told a very innocent lie in that he let me beat him at a sport and then said he had not let me beat him. Later he admitted he had let me beat him. He had been being nice to me and I was devastated by the lie. For years I wondered if I could trust him.

Obviously I decided I could and we have been married for almost 16 years. BUT his lie was very specific and I understood why he did it and for a long time afterwards i was wary in case he lied again.

I think lying is a massive problem and in your shoes I would not stay with this man. I would suggest he got help for his problem and I would move on.

Good luck with whatever you do.

Miserylovescompany2 · 22/03/2017 09:41

He sounds like a pathological liar...run for the hills!!

Pouncival · 22/03/2017 09:42

I used to work with a compulsive liar - in the end you don't believe ANYTHING they say as this person also lied about silly pointless things of no consequence. They even used to lie when they knew I already knew the truth. I couldn't get my head round the mentality of it.

Tastesjustlikecherrycola85 · 22/03/2017 09:42

Been there, put up with compulsive lying for far too long. Run for the hills!

Italiangreyhound · 22/03/2017 09:43

Agree with SuperBeagle " It's a sign of things to come."

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