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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - DD moving school again ?

76 replies

MummyEire · 12/03/2017 19:43

Aibu to give up and move back to Ireland ?

Dd is in year 10 and this is her 3rd school . She's been there since December and I know this year and next year is important because of exam wise but we're just not happy here.

Aibu to move back to Ireland and have Dd move school again ?

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyEire · 12/03/2017 19:51

Bump 😪 Need a hand hold

OP posts:
cluelessjane · 12/03/2017 19:56

I think it would be very difficult for your DD to move schools now as like you say, this year and next year is very important in terms of school. For ease, I would advise you to wait until she has finished her GCSE's which would be in June 2018 so 15 months away, so that she's not going to be at a disadvantage academically. As schools use different exam boards, there's no guarantee that anything she has been studying would even be relevant in the new school and she may have to play serious catch up to learn new material which is a huge amount of pressure.

On the other hand, if you are really unhappy where you are now, and your DD isn't 100% against moving then go for it. It may just require a lot of planning in order to have a smooth transition for your DD so as to not affect her exams

Idefix · 12/03/2017 20:02

What is making you want to give up?
I would say if you are going to move your options are to do it right now (Your dd will have a lot of catching up) or you start to negotiate a move in the summer and dd restart? I would push for the latter option, dc I know who have done the first option have not fared so well.
If you are sure that this will give you and dd better stability etc I would say do it, moving dc as they get older is ime fraught with stress and anxiety about damaging there education but it doesn't have to be detrimental.

nosyupnorth · 12/03/2017 20:04

three schools by year ten is a LOT and very disruptive, especially if you mean secondary schools.

I would imagine with the processes involved in moving it would take at least several months to arrange things unless you already have a place sorted out to move to/jobs lined up etc, in which case it wouldn't be much extra wait to let her finish up G.C.S.Es

at the same time it would be awful if you stayed and were unhappy and left DD feeling guilty about you/your family suffering for her sake

are you really so unhappy that you can't stick it out for a year and a bit for DDs sake? and who is this 'we' that is unhappy? why are you unhappy and are you sure moving is the solution? not being sarcastic i promise, just trying to get a sense of the extent of the situation. leaving the country because you're 'not happy' seems like a very extreme reaction so I assume there's more going on here than you've described in your original post.

Original poster
MummyEire · 12/03/2017 20:14

Yes it's 3 secondary schools she's been too.

By we I mean myself and DD. I just feel so lonely here,Dd does too as all the family we have in England are against her. Dd feels lonely too,she's been struggling mentally and says she doesn't feel England is 'home'. She's been through a lot and says even though she knows she is safe ,she would feel safer back in Ireland. I also feel like it will help her to be surrounded by loving family again and then focus on her mental health too.

OP posts:
WashBasketsAreUs · 12/03/2017 20:32

Due to a variety of reasons I did 6 schools in 5 years in 2 different counties! Some primary, some secondary but at the time they all had different curriculums and exam boards. I think schools are a bit more " uniform" in educationally wise now although I don't know about Ireland. If she's not happy here I would move back to your family. Kids cope, I did x

CotswoldStrife · 12/03/2017 20:40

3 secondary schools is a lot - to move again would affect your daughter's education a lot, I think, if it hasn't been affected already especially by such different school systems.

As for feeling 'safe' - I just have a feeling that you are influencing her a bit on this point tbh. Describing the family as being against her is a bit of an odd thing to say Confused

Original poster
MummyEire · 12/03/2017 20:42

By feel feeling safe it's because a family member abused her and the family didn't believe her. She doesn't see this person or any of our family in England now. But she still feels unsafe. She says there's just too many bad memories

OP posts:
allowlsthinkalot · 12/03/2017 20:43

She's old enough to have an opinion and she would rather move. She doesn't have to take exams at 16, she can take them any time. Mental health before academics, always. Exams are far easier to retake.

forgottenusername · 12/03/2017 20:45

how do the education systems compare? if the Irish equivalent of GCSEs is same ages as year 10 and 11, would it be possible to start in September in their year 10? that way she'd repeat a year but would do the two year courses whole

Catinthecorner · 12/03/2017 20:46

Are you in a position to home educate through the gcse years if you move?

ciderwithrose · 12/03/2017 20:47

If you think that moving back will give you both more inner peace and a feeling of belonging, then go for it.
Your daughter could still do her leaver's certificate (16-18 years old qualification?) so not having GCSEs would hardly affect her future options. Living without a family network or friends is really difficult and I think your emotional well-being needs to come first.

Idefix · 12/03/2017 21:09

Op your reasons are very sound ones Flowers

I would try contacting likely schools and explore options. As someone who attended many schools and having had dc do the same for work reasons it hasn't harmed them. I think the key is to manage this so as not to restrict your dd future educational options.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 12/03/2017 21:14

If neither of you are happy, move.

Mental wellbeing and a relaxed state of mind are much more important that school years imo. One of my DC moved schools at 13 and 15 due to circumstances and was happiest where they ended up. The GCSE results were good despite changing exam boards mid stream.

We place so much importance on target years at that age, but from experience, don't compromise your happiness.

manicinsomniac · 12/03/2017 21:23

Given your updates, I think YA definitely NBU. Poor mental health, anxiety and unhappiness has got to have as bad, if not worse, effects on a child's education as a move in school.

BurningBridges · 12/03/2017 21:29

Ireland sounds better, I have limited experience there but I know when I went to visit my friend in Tipperary her kids had a far far better quality of life than mine. What is the difference in school years? And doesn't Summer term finish very early in Ireland? Not that it matters, I'd go back now.

mikeyssister · 12/03/2017 21:54

How old is year 10?

Original poster
MummyEire · 13/03/2017 06:01

Thank you everyone. Year 10 is age 14/15. She's 15.

If we were to move back I would be able to enrol Dd at the same school as her cousin and have a job to start there In a month. I've already been looking at houses and costs of moving back but I don't want it to be one of those 'in the heat of the moment' decisions.

OP posts:
MermaidsTears · 13/03/2017 06:13

I would go back
I imagine the relief you will feel when the plane lands will override any doubts.
She wants to go 'home' after a traumatic time. Good luck op whatever u decide

jay55 · 13/03/2017 06:15

Given what she's been through it wouldn't be the end of the world if she took an extra year to finish school.

Best of luck to both of you.

PumpkinPie2016 · 13/03/2017 06:19

I'm sorry you're both so unhappySad given what your daughter has been through I would say move back to Ireland if that's what you both want.

Yes it's a change of school again but to be honest, your daughter may not do as well here if she's unhappy.

I think the Irish equivalent of GCSE is the leavers certificates done between 16 and 18? If so, your daughter would be able to start her qualifications from the beginning anyway.

RedSandYellowSand · 13/03/2017 06:23

See, here's me thinking 3 schools isn't that many.... My 8 year old has done 2, and we WILL move again before secondary.

If she is unhappy, and understands that moving schools at this point in a 2 year course could be very disruptive, and create a large amount of catching up (or even going back a year, is this possible, and start the 2 year courses again in Sept?) and still wants to go, move.

You are better moving now than in another 6 months, as that is 6 months closer to her exams.

Original poster
MummyEire · 13/03/2017 06:38

Thank you all . We really are unhappy right now and I've tried everything to make things work for us here.

The Irish equivalent to GCSEs is leaving cert which most of them do at 17

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyEire · 13/03/2017 06:39

Thank you all . We really are unhappy right now and I've tried everything to make things work for us here.

The Irish equivalent to GCSEs is leaving cert which most of them do at 17

OP posts:
cauliwobbles · 13/03/2017 07:00

I'd do it in a heartbeat. Your DD can take her exams at anytime, her mental health and having family around whom she feels safe with and is supported by is much more important.