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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Single mums - working and school runs

57 replies

californiaadreaming · 19/02/2017 14:41

I can't find a way to balance having a full time job with being a single mum to dd. I feel guilty that I can't be the one to do the school runs and like we're both missing out. I used to love running out of the school gates and seeing my mum standing there and it makes me so sad.

How do people manage?

OP posts:

Kikikaakaa · 19/02/2017 14:47

Mine don't care now, they get the bus home or meet me after work. They usually just want food more than they want me! Mine are teens

Heratnumber7 · 19/02/2017 14:48

YANBU to feel guilty, but loads of parents don't do school runs and their DCs grow up just fine.

Zaralara · 19/02/2017 15:01

It's tough, who picks your kids up is it an out of school club?

I've been there but I worked part time so still did some school runs. Is there any option to reduce hours slightly? Even just by 1/2 a day.

The thing is your dc will be fine and you're teaching them a great work ethic.

brasty · 19/02/2017 15:03

My mum never did school runs. And it was honestly fine.

Karin1234 · 19/02/2017 15:08

Hello, we are considering schools at the moment for our daughters. I was just wondering if anyone has experience of girls going to Brighton College, especially from age 11? I think there may be still quite a few more boys than girls at that age group and wouldn't want the girls to feel outnumbered! Thanks.

Mottlemoth · 19/02/2017 15:11

Mine go to breakfast club before school and then a childminder picks them up afterwards. We're all used to it and they love their childminder. It's normal for them and most of their friends. My oldest is in Yr2 now and those that have SAHMs who do every school run are in the minority now.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/02/2017 15:12

I don't think this is a 'single mum' thing; it's a 'working parent' thing. We're constantly trying to juggle childcare arrangements. I've no idea how those families who always have one parent or another at pick up or drop off manage it.

Try to put aside your guilt. You're modelling to your daughter that women can be strong and financially independent. That's brilliant.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/02/2017 15:13

@Karin1234 - you'd be better starting your own thread in 'secondary education'

Lilaclily · 19/02/2017 15:14

We use breakfast club and after school club and despite being ridiculously expensive they still always have a waiting list

More mums of school age children work now than don't imo

AndromedaPerseus · 19/02/2017 15:17

TBH dcs seem much more excited if you can only meet them after school ocassionally

RightOnTheEdge · 19/02/2017 15:20

Can I ask what you all do in the school holidays if you have no family to help?
Child minders say they can't do just holidays because it is taking up the space a full time child could have, and the same for the private nursery near me.
I see children being picked up/dropped off by grandparents and aunties and things everyday at our school and I'm really worried about how I will work when my youngest DC is in reception in September.

mummypig14 · 19/02/2017 15:21

Its shit.. i have no mum friends from the school either as I dont go to the playground.

As andromeda said - at least theyre over the moon to be picked up by me the once or twice a year I manage it!!

PotteringAlong · 19/02/2017 15:21

This isn't a single parent thing - it's not like every child who has 2 parents in a relationship with each other are picked up by them every day.

Lilaclily · 19/02/2017 15:23

In the school holidays ours go to stay with grandparents one week and the rest we take alternate weeks leave, sometimes use sports clubs at the uni
Rarely have a holiday together

Olympiathequeen · 19/02/2017 15:25

It's not a single mum thing, it's a working mum thing.

Nothing to feel guilty about, it's always difficult to juggle the two, but you are working towards a better future for you and your DD and showing her a good work ethic. I'm sure you give her plenty of attention at other times.

Zaralara · 19/02/2017 15:28

People saying it's not a single parent thing, have you been a single parent?

Yes lots of couples have to juggle things, but at least as a couple you have options.

One could work part time, or even do evening and weekend work. There are 2x people to cover everything.

I've been both and being a single parent is much harder.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/02/2017 15:29

@RightOnTheEdge, lots of people use family / friends; private nurseries will usually take kids up to eight so you can use them for a day or so; likewise, Childminder's won't hold a place for you each holiday, but will probably have room as some of their kids will be on holiday; our local leisure centre and some local schools run holiday clubs.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/02/2017 15:31

@zaralara, I'm not suggesting for one minute that it's not harder to be a single parent. I'm suggesting the op shouldn't feel guilty about working. I'm sorry if that came across wrong.

Missanneshirley · 19/02/2017 15:33

Not a single mum but a working mum, married to a working dad, and it's a nightmare! Dd1 has loads of friends who's mums I know cos I was on mat leave when she was at pre school and when she started school. So it's always been easy to arrange play dates etc and I know some mums who i can call on for help with the odd drop off etc.
Dd2 I know noone, the poor wee soul never sees friends out of school cos I have no idea who the parents are or how to contact them. I feel so sorry for her.
I get to pick up approx twice a month at the mo, sometimes I get to do it once a week, but either way I feel the ship has sailed in that dept!
Logistically - we make use of dhs shifts, occasional grandparent help, some help from friends and cobble it together that way. However grand parent care isn't going to be an option for long and my hours are increasing so it will be extortionate before and after school club next year

Purplepotatoe · 19/02/2017 15:34

You have to suck it up and deal with it unfortunately. I have never done the school drop off or pick up and sometimes it is sad, although a 'treat' when I do manage it. On balance I have a great career and can provide for my DD wholly from my own pocket. Working full time as single parent is very hard slog but does get easier.

Missanneshirley · 19/02/2017 15:34

Sorry yes have just seen the previous post and am not for one minute suggesting that it's not harder on your own, of course it is!but just saying there are lots of similar issues

WankersHacksandThieves · 19/02/2017 15:35

Mine went to out of school care for 5 weeks out of the 7 week holiday - DH and I could have taken separate holidays and saved the cost of so much Out of School care but I think they benefitted more from having us all together for a holiday rather than two separate fortnights. Latterly I was able to buy a few extra days holiday and do some shuffling with my hours so they did 2 or 3 full days and 2 or 3 half days a week.

They enjoyed it though it did mean that they were out of the house before 8am most of the holidays. Out of School care would take them out for 2 trips a week plus they had friends there to play with and enough kids to play proper games of rounders etc.

From my point of view, I felt guilty regardless, I didn't get a break from packed lunches every day and the running about was tiring.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 19/02/2017 15:37

Don't guilt trip yourself. You are doing a wonderful thing by being a great role model to your children.

I have always worked full time - not a single mum but both of us did jobs that meant neither of us could ever do 'school run'. I have to say the one or two times I managed it in their entire school lives, it wasn't the nirvana I imagined it to be. We also have no local family.

It's tough. But your DCs will be oblivious! And you are keeping our employment skills fresh.

Zaralara · 19/02/2017 15:39

I agree op shouldn't feel guilty.

It is hard for all working parents just didn't want to underestimate what it's like having only one income and no other options.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 19/02/2017 15:39

your , not our!

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