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AIBU?

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Original poster

Work colleague wont go for lunch with me

78 replies

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 22:39

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here but I'm feeling a bit upset about it.

Since the day I arrived my work colleague will not go for lunch with me. I don't mean like a 'lunch date' all it is is we get free food from the hospital canteen as a perk of our job and two people go each day to collect it.

When it's his week to go he calls the allocated person to walk down with him but when it's my day to walk down with them he goes without telling me and just brings the food back in two trips!

He's friendly at work, helps me out with me work so doesn't seem remotely angry or offended by me.

I don't know what to think. My first thought was maybe he had a wife or girlfriend who worked in the hospital and didn't want gossip but he's single and even if he wasn't, it's just a set work related task, not like we're sat in the canteen having lunch together!

I don't want to make a fuss over nothing. But it's quite rude actually. Most people have noticed I reckon but no one has said anything. Except my boss who joked that he might be mean and give us a joint work project to do and then laughed.

So his discomfort with me alone is clearly office gossip.

AIBU to feel a little hurt and humiliated by this?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 18/02/2017 22:41

Your boss has noticed his weird behaviour and thinks it's funny? Confused. Did you ask him to have a word?

gandalf456 · 18/02/2017 22:42

Yanbu. If brave, you could ask if there's a problem or ask someone to ask for you.

If your boss has commented, I reckon it reflects worse on him than you.

I dunno. Maybe he thinks you fancy himGrin

bluebell34567 · 18/02/2017 22:42

maybe he has a crush on you.

luckycatclover · 18/02/2017 22:43

TBH I would ask him what his problem is!

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 22:43

Forgot to say that when it's my week to go down he is usually 'out of the office' (I.e hiding somewhere) when it's his day to walk down with me. Leaving me to make two trips to bring the food up. So he won't even be alone with me when it's my 'turn'.

If he thinks he can't be out of the office he walks down with me but not talking and several feet ahead! Confused

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 18/02/2017 22:51

That's not ok. And your boss taking the piss about it instead of doing something about it is ridiculous. I'd say raise a complaint; but your boss sounds too much of a dick to take it seriously...

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 18/02/2017 22:53

Just don't bring him any food. . .

comedycentral · 18/02/2017 22:55

Hmm maybe he's a vampire and you are like the chick out of Twilight to him -not helpful-

Or maybe he's just a bit odd.

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 22:55

My boss is lovely. He just thinks he's shy with me rather than anything malicious so thinks it's funny/sweet.

But this guy isn't shy with me at all. He's very confident day to day.

I don't want to think he's deliberately being nasty but refusing to go for lunch is making me feel very embarrassed and excluded.

OP posts:
ProfessorPickles · 18/02/2017 22:55

This is bizarre!! I can't get my head around why someone would give it a second thought. My only idea is that he could fancy you and be severely immature and terrified of speaking to you Grin

What is he like if you speak in the office?? Does he talk back comfortably or does he end the conversation quickly or seem uninterested?

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 22:56

Why don't you smile and ask him?

"John. It's my turn to walk down with your to get the food. Why are you making 2 trips?"

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 22:56

He's very friendly in every day work so I'm wondering if I'm being unfair and over sensitive. It's just the lunch thing

OP posts:
ProfessorPickles · 18/02/2017 22:56

I completely understand why you'd feel upset about it OP, do you get on with your boss? You could say a quick "what's that all about?!" comment and see what they say.

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 22:57

Very confident and chatty with me in the office. I've not noticed his behaviour too much but he's always having a laugh with me and we seem to get on well with others around.

OP posts:
ProfessorPickles · 18/02/2017 22:57

That makes it even more strange if it's the lunch thing alone!

FritzDonovan · 18/02/2017 22:58

Blimey, he doesn't have to like you! You say he's friendly and helpful at other times, maybe he just doesn't know you as well as he knows /likes the others.
How long have you been there?

mymilisbatshit · 18/02/2017 22:59

Maybe you smell? Only joking! Ask him why he doesn't? I think it's quite cute you noticed do you like him?

Blackbirdonawire · 18/02/2017 23:00

Is it a misplaced chivalry? Rather than making you carry stuff from the canteen he's being 'gentlemanly' and doing two trips? Or have you once joked about how you can't be bothered going so now he thinks he's saving you the trouble?

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:01

I've been here 6 months now. So actually not that new.'

I don't care if he does or doesn't like me. But he's very friendly in the office. It's only not wanting to grab the lunch with me. Which has me compeltely perplexed.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:02

I'd always notice if someone actively avoided being in a situation where they were alone with me. Especially to that extent. It's just rather strange.

No I enjoy going for the lunch and he knows that. It's exciting picking out all the best dishes for yourself!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:03

He's happy to go with the two work colleagues that arrived on the team after me.

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 18/02/2017 23:03

maybe something happened before when he went out lunch with someone and he is scared it will happen with you? Grin

FritzDonovan · 18/02/2017 23:04

Maybe he is comfortable with work related conversation, but doesn't know what to say to you otherwise? Are you young, pretty and everyone else he does the lunch run with older/married / not attractive? Smile

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:05

Just ask him the next time he makes two trips.

It's a logical enough question and wouldn't be awkward at all.

bluebell34567 · 18/02/2017 23:05

did he go out to lunch with a girl?