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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work colleague wont go for lunch with me

78 replies

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 22:39

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here but I'm feeling a bit upset about it.

Since the day I arrived my work colleague will not go for lunch with me. I don't mean like a 'lunch date' all it is is we get free food from the hospital canteen as a perk of our job and two people go each day to collect it.

When it's his week to go he calls the allocated person to walk down with him but when it's my day to walk down with them he goes without telling me and just brings the food back in two trips!

He's friendly at work, helps me out with me work so doesn't seem remotely angry or offended by me.

I don't know what to think. My first thought was maybe he had a wife or girlfriend who worked in the hospital and didn't want gossip but he's single and even if he wasn't, it's just a set work related task, not like we're sat in the canteen having lunch together!

I don't want to make a fuss over nothing. But it's quite rude actually. Most people have noticed I reckon but no one has said anything. Except my boss who joked that he might be mean and give us a joint work project to do and then laughed.

So his discomfort with me alone is clearly office gossip.

AIBU to feel a little hurt and humiliated by this?

OP posts:

Original poster

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:09

There's two young women he is happy to do the lunch thing with. Both of whom are always hitting on him but he just laughes it off.

I'm also young and I'd like to think pretty. I don't got on him though.

Everyone else is older, male or married.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:10

hit*

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 18/02/2017 23:10

Very curious. I would need to ask him. But ultimately, if I were you I would leave it unless he can tell you the reason and you can be comfortable with it.

Italiangreyhound · 18/02/2017 23:12

Maybe he is socially awkward. And if so it really is not your problem. You get out of the duty sometimes, have to do double journey sometimes. As your boss knows it is not your problem it should not reflect on you.

bluebell34567 · 18/02/2017 23:13

I think he has crush on you.
he maybe comfortable to talk about business but shy other times for that reason.

Original poster

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:13

I just want to know why! It's hurtful but I'd never be in trouble for it. It's also awkward and I'm worried this will be allowed to develop into something worse.

What if he refuses to do joint projects with me? I suspect he would if asked.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:14

Asking him directly could cause more awkwardness and he's unlikely to tell the truth anyway.

OP posts:

empirerecordsrocked · 18/02/2017 23:15

He fancies you.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:17

Asking him directly doesn't have to cause awkwardness and will at least get you the answer that none of us here can provide.

Or just make a comment like, "Oh John. Did you not realise it's my turn to help with the lunch? No need to make 2 trips".

Then see what he says.

bluebell34567 · 18/02/2017 23:19

workplace romance is not easy maybe that's why he is avoiding.
do you have feelings for him?
anyway if he continues to avoid he will get stuck somewhere. not your problem really, relax.

Original poster

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:20

My gut instinct says he thinks I have a crush on him. But I'm racking my brain as to where and what could have given that impression.

maybe people have made up gossip and suggested to him I fancied him. It's all really immature. But I can't think of anything else it could be.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:21

No I don't like him in a romantic sense.

OP posts:

Ordinarily · 18/02/2017 23:23

Maybe there's some completely different reason. He wants to buy cigarettes from the shop, or drop in to see someone he knows on the way.

bluebell34567 · 18/02/2017 23:25

if he may think you have crush on him than somehow imply you dont have crush on anyone when he is around and can hear you.

BrowsOnFleek · 18/02/2017 23:26

Personally,
I'd call him out in it in front of your team to put him under pressure & draw attention to the fact that he's avoiding you at lunch. He might come up with a shitty excuse but hey at least everybody know then!

Ordinarily · 18/02/2017 23:27

But that wouldn't explain why he goes with others and not you

I reckon someone has started a rumour that you are interested romantically. Can you ask a few people to mention that you're not? Tell him you like someone outside of work?

Purplepotatoe · 18/02/2017 23:30

Isn't this the second thread you've started about a guy at work behaving oh so weirdly with you but you can't think why and you're so sure he doesn't fancy you (while waiting for people to tell you he fancies you). No offence but if you're giving off these vibes in RL, no wonder he stays away from you..

Strygil · 18/02/2017 23:31

Perhaps you are an insufferably self-regarding drama queen and this is something your colleague has picked up on?

incywincybitofa · 18/02/2017 23:32

Maybe you have done or said something offensive or odd without intending to?
What happens on the days he is supposed to go with you- do you go alone or does someone else cover?
It all sounds either quite lower sixth to be honest if it can't be discussed.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:33

Really Purple?

Gaaah!

Excitedforxmas · 18/02/2017 23:34

Maybe s religious thing in that he can't be alone with a female?

Etak15 · 18/02/2017 23:38

Missing the point a bit but which hospital do you work in where you get free staff meals? (I'm just jealous)

RedBullBlood · 18/02/2017 23:41

Isn't it only crap romance novels where someone with a crush would actively avoid spending time with crushee? You'd think he'd be jumping at the chance of time together if he fancied the op. It's all a bit juvenile and silly. Are you all very young, op?

Elphame · 18/02/2017 23:41

Is he Plymouth Brethren? They will not eat with non Brethren.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2017 23:45

Elphame

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