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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work colleague wont go for lunch with me

78 replies

user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 22:39

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here but I'm feeling a bit upset about it.

Since the day I arrived my work colleague will not go for lunch with me. I don't mean like a 'lunch date' all it is is we get free food from the hospital canteen as a perk of our job and two people go each day to collect it.

When it's his week to go he calls the allocated person to walk down with him but when it's my day to walk down with them he goes without telling me and just brings the food back in two trips!

He's friendly at work, helps me out with me work so doesn't seem remotely angry or offended by me.

I don't know what to think. My first thought was maybe he had a wife or girlfriend who worked in the hospital and didn't want gossip but he's single and even if he wasn't, it's just a set work related task, not like we're sat in the canteen having lunch together!

I don't want to make a fuss over nothing. But it's quite rude actually. Most people have noticed I reckon but no one has said anything. Except my boss who joked that he might be mean and give us a joint work project to do and then laughed.

So his discomfort with me alone is clearly office gossip.

AIBU to feel a little hurt and humiliated by this?

OP posts:
PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 18/02/2017 23:47

Purple I thought the same thing.

I'm also young and I'd like to think pretty. I don't got on him though.
Everyone else is older, male or married.
Confused

RebelRogue · 18/02/2017 23:47

Meh can't see the big deal.

RedBullBlood · 18/02/2017 23:50

Oh. Is this the same poster who got all offended when someone she didn't fancy intimated that they didn't fancy her either? Couldn't understand why not 'cos she was all that etc?

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:54

It's a private hospital. It's just a perk of he job! 😁

Jeez I didn't say I'm a super model. I'd like to think I'm average to maybe a teeny bit above average though. 😂

There's other young women in the team.
They're single too. It's not only older people.

He doesn't have a crush on me. He'd be doing the opposite if he did!

It's making me feel uncomfortable and excluded. Maybe I'm being unreasonable but others have picked up on it I think which is hard. And the fact my boss has picked up on it too is even harder.

OP posts:
Purplepotatoe · 18/02/2017 23:56

@PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox two different guys mind, if I remember the last one had a GF. Crazy...

Worral - yes think so!

BathshebaDarkstone · 18/02/2017 23:56

Just ask him? Confused

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:57

No purple that's not me.

I genuinely don't think he has secret romantic feelings for me.

Yes he may be worried about rumours or gossip. It's just a bit extreme really.

I will let him know I've started seeing someone (it's true). And see if that make a difference.

OP posts:
38cody · 18/02/2017 23:57

Maybe he doesnt like what you pick?
Just ask or go early and say 'are you ready to go for lunches?'

Original poster
user1487365597 · 18/02/2017 23:58

It's hard to ask. I'd feel really daft saying 'why won't you go for lunch with me'. It seems so petty.

Normally I really wouldn't mind. It's only because it's every time we have to do the lunch run, and when he does come he just walks ahead! Which is a pretty obvious snub.

OP posts:
Purplepotatoe · 19/02/2017 00:00

Except it is you isn't it, you have multiple threads about different men behaving oddly with you and you're baffled as to why. No they don't fancy you, they've probably realised you think they all fancy you and stay away from you.

Fanciedachange17 · 19/02/2017 00:01

I don't think he likes you, that's all. He doesn't have a problem with the other young girls. Sorry. I don't think that's what you want to hear but not everyone is going to like each other, its doesn't make either of you bad people.

Original poster
user1487365597 · 19/02/2017 00:04

I don't mind if he doesn't like me. But it's wrong to show it so blatently.

I won't say anything for now. I will if it gets any worse and/or he starts refusing to work alone with me.

No I don't think every man fancies me. I'm not deluded.

OP posts:
PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 19/02/2017 00:09

Everyone else is older, male or married.

There's other young women in the team. They're single too. It's not only older people

Sorry, which is it Hmm

RebelRogue · 19/02/2017 00:09

So you're moaning about one guy always wanting to sit with you and have lunch with you and also moaning about another because he won't go to lunch with you? Wtf?!?

FritzDonovan · 19/02/2017 00:17

He's not being blatant about not liking you, you've already said he's friendly and helpful. Can't you go get lunch with anyone else and stop with this uncomfortable tension you are creating?Confused
Poor guy.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/02/2017 00:18

Maybe he just doesn't like you? That's not to say you aren't likeable! But there are people that we take a totally irrational dislike to and want to avoid being with on a one on one situation. As long as he is professional, then honestly it isn't a big deal.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/02/2017 00:18

Ah I see you have a few threads going, judging by previous posts!

Bahh · 19/02/2017 00:20

Sorry, it sounds like he doesn't like you and even though you say you don't care it comes across like you care a lot. People don't always like each other. I don't really think it's that rude to do what he's doing, he's just trying to avoid an awkward situation with someone he doesn't really hit it off with. Would you prefer he comes with you and you walk together in complete silence?

FritzDonovan · 19/02/2017 00:21

OP, how old are you? Grin

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 19/02/2017 00:26

OP you've got three separate threads on the go about men "acting weird with you", 2 at work one on FB. Yes I did AS your username, yes I am that bored.

If they're true then the common denominator is you therefore you must be the problem.

WorraLiberty · 19/02/2017 00:32

I can't be bothered to AS your previous threads as interesting as they sound

But my advice still stands - Just.mention.it's.your.turn.so.no.need.for.2.trips.

That's basic, adult communication and it will get you a lot further than a thread inviting people to give their opinions on something we know nothing about.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/02/2017 00:37

Are you weird? I'm weird and sometimes men don't get it and find it awkward to be alone with me.

zen1 · 19/02/2017 00:41

This is very familiar. I don't see what the problem is: let him make two trips if he doesn't want to go with you; when it's his turn to accompany you on your week, ask someone else. If he's friendly the rest of the time, it's a non-issue.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/02/2017 00:43

Ah, I have just done an AS based on other people's comments. So as well as this guy who "definitely doesn't fancy you" There is a guy who follows you into the small office and insists on eating lunch with you bit he "definitely doesn't fancy you" and another guy who texts you constantly every time he updates his Facebook to get your attention but "definitely doesn't fancy you".
Wow.you must be incredibly hot and loads of men must fancy you. Lucky you.

RedBullBlood · 19/02/2017 00:57

It may be another poster, but there were a couple of the same tone regarding male colleagues that the op was worried about, thinking that they thought she fancied them when she definitely didn't. She then was mortified to think that they brushed her off when she was so far out of their league, how dare they think she could possibly fancy them...

I worked in a very male dominated area for years, was often the only female in the office. I never once worried about them fancying me or me fancying them, we just go on with work. Outside of work they rarely crossed my mind!