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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I need to get a grip? Wedding related

72 replies

5432112345 · 14/02/2017 13:38

Hi,

I am getting married in november this year, just a small one I am very excited.

My best friend of 20 years got engaged at christmas and has booked her wedding for two weeks after mine. I thought it was a bit off but hey ho I don't own the time or anything. Hers is a 'destination' wedding involving a flight and about a 5 hour journey. This will be after work on a friday arriving at midnight, return on sunday.

She is then having a wedding in our home town the following weekend. She has just sent out proposed dates for her hen do - a week before my hen do and a week before my wedding. She is having two hen dos.

I really dont know whether AIBU to be annoyed at this? I just feel like I am being eclipsed. Please feel free to hand me a grip if it is required.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 14/02/2017 13:41

She's having two hen dos and two weddings?

WTF? Confused

Magzmarsh · 14/02/2017 13:42

Does the guest list overlap much? I don't have much time for wedding drama so I'm probably not the best judge. I got married the same day as one of my close cousins, didn't cause any angst, we just laughed about it.

Original poster
5432112345 · 14/02/2017 13:43

Yep....a small wedding at the destination then a big party at home. Then a hen do away and one at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
5432112345 · 14/02/2017 13:44

There is probably an overlap of 10 guests

OP posts:
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 14/02/2017 13:45

Wow, someone likes a bit of attention, don't they?

She's needy. And weird. And has too much free cash.

ScarlettFreestone · 14/02/2017 13:47

You won't be eclipsed at all. Small weddings can be just as lovely and memorable as large ones.

In my twenties I was at a wedding at least once a month in one particular year so all the hen nights and stag nights were tangled up with other people's weddings.

It didn't matter at all.

Besides which - your wedding is first, hers will have to match up to yours not the other way round!

Magzmarsh · 14/02/2017 13:47

Just be thankful it's not you op, her head will explode with planning all that malarkey. Good luck to her 😎

Original poster
5432112345 · 14/02/2017 13:50

She has already asked me to plan her 'hens' and has booked dress shopping - for her. No mention of my wedding.

OP posts:
Magzmarsh · 14/02/2017 13:53

Back away op, back away...

Justmuddlingalong · 14/02/2017 13:53

Are you bridesmaid? If so, resign now. You've got enough planning to do, with your own wedding.

buzzmoon · 14/02/2017 13:56

Wow! Sounds like a nutter! 😂 Make your excuses now if your maid of honour!

Original poster
5432112345 · 14/02/2017 13:56

Yes I am bridesmaid, but I am one of two friends invited to the destination part. Cabt really back out.

OP posts:
ILoveCheeseMoreThanYou · 14/02/2017 13:56

I'm sure those 10 people are not pleased with her, that's 4weekends in close succession wiped out!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 14/02/2017 13:56

When people say 'hen night' I think of Chicken Run type scene. Anyone else?

A night quietly sitting on eggs actually sounds okay...

Only1scoop · 14/02/2017 13:59

I wouldn't incur any travel costs so near to my own wedding and I'd also say I haven't time to plan the hen do's either. Sounds all a bit showy and full on. Don't commit other than as a guest.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/02/2017 13:59

Why can't you back out?

JustSpeakSense · 14/02/2017 14:00

She obviously enjoys a lot of attention, I'm sorry to say your concerns are valid, her wedding celebrations are going to overshadow yours.

If it matters, I would much rather be a guest at your wedding than hers (but I'm guessing it's all about what she wants here)

JustSpeakSense · 14/02/2017 14:03

I wouldn't commit to being a bridesmaid so close to your own wedding date, I also wouldn't spend all that money travelling to someone else's wedding when you have your own wedding and honeymoon to plan and pay for.

I would only attend her wedding as a guest at her local celebration.

Original poster
5432112345 · 14/02/2017 14:03

She is my oldest friend, if I back out of attending the destination part I think it would really damage the friendship. I dont know if I care THAT much about this to mess up our friendship. I've said all the right things so far she probably has no idea I'm a bit peeved about it.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 14/02/2017 14:06

Tell her straight that you won't have time to plan her hen as you have your own wedding to organise. Practice your best incredulous face for when she tries to suggest you're being unreasonable.

DEMum101 · 14/02/2017 14:06

Gosh - she's lucky you're not still on honeymoon for her destination wedding OP and that you are able (or willing) to spend the cash that will involve while also paying for your own wedding.

I would definitely draw the line at organising her hen dos though. That job can be a nightmare at the best of times, let alone when you are also trying to sort out your own wedding!

TheCraicDealer · 14/02/2017 14:07

I think your friend is about to learn the "no-one cares about your wedding as much as you do" lesson the hard way. That's a lot to ask of people.

Tell her you've got so much going on with your own wedding and hen and, you know, life that you won't be able to commit to planning her two hens but you'll try your best to attend. With that in mind, you totally understand if she feels that she would prefer to ask someone else (who can commit the time and energy) to be her bridesmaid.

Then tell come back and tell us what she says Grin

Christmasnoooooooooooo · 14/02/2017 14:07

Of course you can back you have no time to be bridesmaid and neither will she to you . And you won't be back from your honeymoon in time to go destination wedding and will you able to afford it 9n top of your wedding

picklemepopcorn · 14/02/2017 14:08

I'd apologise and say that with your own wedding plans, you won't be able to give hers proper attention as they are so close.

Tell her what you can do- 'I'd love to go to your wedding parties, but won't be able to organise the hen events'. Or 'I can do the local hen, but not the away one'. 'I really don't want to miss out, but I just won't be able to organise it in the time. I haven't even organised my dress fittings yet!'

Or, make it a double bride dress shop! Take your bridesmaids too, and do both at the same time! Grin

JustSpeakSense · 14/02/2017 14:09

How on earth can your oldest friend expect you to fork out to attend her destination wedding just weeks after your own?

It is a completely selfish and unreasonable request.