Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Save the Dates AIBU. And inviting acquaintances?

76 replies

BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 13:36

I feel in the middle of a storm of anxiety and I could really do with being told what's...normal, I suppose.
We got engaged last month, and will get married this summer. As it's holiday time, people might be booking holidays etc., I thought it would be good to fire out save the dates now, before we send out invitations in the post. Some of these I've just done over whatsapp, and I suddenly feel really awkward? Are save the dates in this time frame just weird?

Also, I have sent a couple to 2 women from church who I know slightly - we get on well enough when we see each other at church(maybe every month or so), I've met up with one of them for dinner just the two of us but only ever seen the other in groups. Now I feel so embarrassed - will they feel bemused to suddenly get a gushy save the date? Over familiar??

I'm so sorry for this annoying post, I'm just pretty stressed about it all, and there are family issues too which aren't helping. Thanks for reading..

OP posts:
EatTheChocolateTeapot · 10/02/2017 13:39

It sounds fine, congratulations OP!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 10/02/2017 13:39

I'm surprised that you plan to invite 2 women from church that you know slightly.

SalmonFajitas · 10/02/2017 13:39

Aaaah congratulations on the engagement Flowers.

I think what you've done sounds fine. As long as you're not sending out some kind of outrageous gift list or money poem people will be flattered to be included in your special day - and if they can't or don't want to come they don't have to.

OneLumpOrSeven · 10/02/2017 13:41

You'll be told soon that save the dates are pointless and that invitations are just that and not summons and blah blah.

We did save the dates as all our friends are shift workers, like us and we have our rota's months in advance so people need to request the time off.

What else are you stressed about?

WineIsMyMainVice · 10/02/2017 13:43

I think this is fine. If you are getting married this summer it's perfectly reasonable to let people know the date.

My biggest advice about organising a wedding is don't sweat the small stuff. The most important thing is that you are marrying the right person. Not the invitations, or the colour scheme or the table plan.....
Congratulations.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 10/02/2017 13:44

I think its fine to send out now, I'd want to know so I could not book a holiday or whatever.
And I'd be delighted to get an invite from anyone, to be honest Grin

5foot5 · 10/02/2017 13:45

Seems a good idea to me. Main thing I believe is not to send a SAD card to someone but then not invite them. (Anyone remember TidyDancer's thread?)

Gaaaah · 10/02/2017 13:46

You need to woosah. Save the dates are fine. We did exactly the same thing knowing people would be busy, so dont worry about that.

And I think it's perfectly normal to invite people from your church group. Especially if you're getting married in said church.

Congratulations and try not to stress the planning. It will be a gorgeous happy day Flowers

MaisieDotes · 10/02/2017 13:46

Just make sure you actually invite them after having them save the date.

Twistmeandturnme · 10/02/2017 13:48

Save the dates are really only for people you absolutely need to be there: close family, bridal party etc. Anyone else getting one will be chuffed to bits at being so important to you!
Word of warning: if you've sent a save the date you absolutely must invite them to the wedding. Cutting down the guest list not an option....

Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 13:59

I'm surprised that you plan to invite 2 women from church that you know slightly. Aaaargh! My anxiety heightens! More context - they are sisters, about my age. We are part of the 'church youth' I suppose Grin They also know my fiance from before I joined this church.

Thanks so much for the reassuring replies by the way!

OP posts:
Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 14:00

We will definitely invite everyone who got a save the date

OP posts:
FireInTheHead · 10/02/2017 14:01

Congrats OP. Now take a deep breath and calm down. Save the dates were originally really only supposed to go to the 'closest most important to you must have there' guests who may need lots of extra time to save for flights or book time off work. Everyone else got to know when the invites went out. Do that.

Why it is has suddenly become a thing to send to the entire guest list I don't know, but no wonder brides get stressed out with all the overdone wedding industry nitpickery they feel obliged to put themselves (and others) through surrounding weddings.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 10/02/2017 14:04

All sounds fine. Anyone who doesn't just look at it and feel happy for you is a mean hearted meanie. Congratulations!

StickyMouse · 10/02/2017 14:04

Save the dates are great, saves date clashes and puts something in the diary, do it and don't stress.

EyeStye · 10/02/2017 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SalmonFajitas · 10/02/2017 14:09

Word of warning: if you've sent a save the date you absolutely must invite them to the wedding. Cutting down the guest list not an option....

Oh god yes - I had a work colleague who did this - sent save the dates to everyone, including those on her "reserve list". She expected these people to keep the day clear just in case some of the first choice guests couldn't come! But a casual save the date for everyone invited is fine!

Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 14:13

I just seem to have a horribly negative outlook sometimes, and pictured the two church friends/acquaintances opening my whatsapp and just thinking 'what a weirdo'. They haven't messaged back yet, which adds fuel to the fire Grin

OP posts:
Kit30 · 10/02/2017 14:14

Ouch, Fire! Two good reasons - everyone's busier and weddings are expensive. People who are going to come to the wedding generally respond positively and let the b&g know they're available. The b&g get s better idea of numbers and costs. We did this more than a decade ago ourselves. Small wedding which we hosted over a weekend for close family and friends. No complInts and it seemed sensible not 'wedding industry' . Each to their own. Just sounds like OP got a bit carried away with the ladies she hardly knows but hey, she's sort of entitled to be s bit giddy. Congrats, OP!

GnomeDePlume · 10/02/2017 14:27

I agree with PP. It's fine. We had a save the date card from niece of DH. We arent a very close family so were just honoured to know we were going to be invited (the diet has started!).

girlelephant · 10/02/2017 14:34

Lots of MNrs aren't keen on STD cards, but i think they're useful.

DH and I'll booked our wedding for the Sunday of a BH weekend so wanted to let people know so they could make an informed choice if they were booking holidays. Also we used STD cards to state it was adults only as we didn't wanted to give people lots of notice to either get a sitter or decide not to come.

My DH had a couple of people that he couldn't decide about so we didn't send them a STD card meaning to could decide later whether to just send them an evening invite.

I've also gotten STD info from friends verbally or by text/email so I think it's okay not to invite people by a written card as we did.

As other PPs have said just ensure you invite everyone you sent a STD card too (and don't invite them to be staff!) 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 14:38

Just got a very nice reply from one of the 'church girls' (sorry, how cringe) to say she will be away for the summer and can't make it, but how touched she was to get the message.

Her sister, the one I know less, remains silent Grin

OP posts:
emsler · 10/02/2017 14:41

I suppose my only concern would be if you're sending out Save the Dates before finding a venue which could be restrictive if you suddenly fall in love with a venue. But otherwise I don't see an issue with it. Personally I prefer getting Save the Dates electronically because the paper ones seem such a waste of money to me, but each to their own when it comes to weddings (especially given lots of people have a bigger budget than I did).

Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 14:43

We do have a venue booked, I'm relieved to say Halo

OP posts:
RestlessTraveller · 10/02/2017 14:51

We're getting married in the summer too, on a weekday no less! I told everyone I was inviting as soon as booked the venue so while we didn't actually send cards I told them the date and told them their invitations would be coming. Sooner the better I think!

Swipe left for the next trending thread