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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Save the Dates AIBU. And inviting acquaintances?

76 replies

BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 13:36

I feel in the middle of a storm of anxiety and I could really do with being told what's...normal, I suppose.
We got engaged last month, and will get married this summer. As it's holiday time, people might be booking holidays etc., I thought it would be good to fire out save the dates now, before we send out invitations in the post. Some of these I've just done over whatsapp, and I suddenly feel really awkward? Are save the dates in this time frame just weird?

Also, I have sent a couple to 2 women from church who I know slightly - we get on well enough when we see each other at church(maybe every month or so), I've met up with one of them for dinner just the two of us but only ever seen the other in groups. Now I feel so embarrassed - will they feel bemused to suddenly get a gushy save the date? Over familiar??

I'm so sorry for this annoying post, I'm just pretty stressed about it all, and there are family issues too which aren't helping. Thanks for reading..

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 10/02/2017 14:53

Sorry if I got it wrong re the 'church girls'
Didn't mean to worry you, it just sounded like they were passing acquaintances. If they know your fiancé, it makes more sense.

Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 14:55

Restless How did you tell them, by mass message or? I just feel like I've started off really oddlly with my wee whatsapps.
No worries Breakfast, I wasn't clear

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 10/02/2017 15:08

Another one who was jumping in to save make sure you invite everyone you sent one to (and who always remembers Gluezilla as the cautionary tale)Grin
Congratulations!!

PlumsGalore · 10/02/2017 15:13

I was going to say its fine if everyone that cards a Save The Date gets invited but it has been said above already.

Then again, it does make for a very good, entertaining MumsNet thread when they don't!

Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 15:26

Is it normal to invite people that one isn't very close to? Another church friend that I've probably met up with about 4 times for instance.

OP posts:
Graphista · 10/02/2017 15:36

Congratulations

You've been VERY lucky to get a venue at such short notice!

Save the date wasn't a 'thing' when I got married we just sent invites out. But they seem sensible especially for a short notice wedding and if people work shifts etc. Plus you'll need to be letting venue, caterers, church, stationers etc numbers soon.

Sounds like you're having a traditional white wedding? Do you have your dress? That can take 6-8 months new so bear that in mind, ditto shoes and some accessories.

Hope you have a lovely day Flowers

sonyaya · 10/02/2017 15:49

Absolutely fine what you've done with save the dates! They're not something that's traditionally replied to when sent by the post so don't get upset if people don't reply to the whatsapp, doesn't mean they think you're weird!

Some people on mumsnet hate weddings, but in real life I think most people love to go along, and even if they don't they are touched you think enough of them to want them along to an event where numbers are always tight.

I was invited to a wedding of someone I had only met a few times. I was surprised but I was thrilled and pretty flattered to be honest!

Congratulations!

SheepyFun · 10/02/2017 15:50

I think you've been very helpful to your guests. We booked our wedding about a year ahead, and sent out save the date emails to everyone we intended to invite (and yes we did invite them all!). I was living overseas at that point, so we didn't send invitations until I was back in the UK - what with sorting other things out, they went out about 6 weeks before the wedding. For me, that's too short notice to attend a wedding in another city, I would much rather know in advance.

We didn't ask people to respond to the save the date email, did you ask people to reply to yours? We only expected replies to the invitations.

Congratulations on your engagement, and I hope the wedding planning doesn't get too overwhelming - it's normal to want to elope at some point!

Original poster
BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 19:21

Thanks all, I do feel reassured.

Just got another no, though 😵

OP posts:
ButtonMooooon · 10/02/2017 22:11

We sent STD (seriously unfortunate initials) as soon as we set our date (well over a year before). I didn't want to send invites and find loads of people I really wanted to attend had booked a holiday 2 weeks before the invites went out!

TinselTwins · 11/02/2017 16:19

Most of the annual leave for summer 2017 is allready taken at my work, so definitely not too soon to send save the dates!

Northernlurker · 11/02/2017 16:27

I think you've been very sensible op. Whatsapp etc is ideal for a casual save the date and it's working for you - you are getting to know who can come so you can plan catering etc much better. I think it's fine to invite church people. It may not make sense to people if they aren't involved in a church but I see the people I know through church weekly, far more often than I see my sister or my best friend actually. We love being invited to 'church' weddings and try to be generous with the wedding present Wink it's really nice you want to share your day with these people.

BakeOffBiscuits · 11/02/2017 16:28

Just invite whoever you want, it's your wedding and you don't need to feel anxious about it.

I woudl send the save the date cards ASAP, because of people's holidays.
My dd is getting married this summer. They sent out the save the date cards last August, so don't worry!

Rafflesway · 11/02/2017 16:36

Definitely no such thing in my day but they do sound quite a good idea to me.

However, I would only send them to people who will be invited to the whole day and not just the evening reception for instance. (Although, according to Mnet - not real world IME - evening receptions are a big No No!)

My very posh nephew is apparently marrying in July and his mother - DH's sister - told us 6 months ago and apparently we are invited although numbers are pretty limited. Still haven't received an official invite - nor an STD of course - so I am not going to specifically save the date until we get it in writing. (TBH we are not worried either way as it is 300 miles away in the middle of nowhere at hugely expensive hotel 🤔)

Congrats OP, sounds like you have everything in hand and please don't get despondent with the odd "No thank you." Flowers

Whatsername17 · 11/02/2017 16:43

We got married at Christmas (not the 25th but very close to it) and sent our 'save the date' cards out with our Christmas cards the year before. Again, we wanted to be sure that people who wanted to come had plenty of notice as it is busy time of year. I think you are over thinking it. Just enjoy planning your wedding x

manicinsomniac · 11/02/2017 16:46

You're fine. I've has a save the date for a friend's August wedding since September! Need it because I would never miss her wedding but I'm a teacher so plan summers travelling very early.

Also - some people at my church have extended open invites to the entire church membership. I think it's sweet, not weird. People can always say no.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 11/02/2017 16:46

If I was one of the Church ladies, even if I was surprised to be invited I would be delighted that you liked me enough to send me this, I certainly would not think it weird.

Ragwort · 11/02/2017 16:53

I find STD Grin cards a little awkward, am I really meant to plan my summer holidays just to avoid someone's wedding date - I have recently received a STD card - but haven't booked my holiday, however it is likely that both will clash and personally, finding holiday dates that suits my family is more important than the wedding invite - so do I tell a white lie and then say, so sorry, had already booked the date for my holiday? Confused.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 16:55

I find STD grin cards a little awkward, am I really meant to plan my summer holidays just to avoid someone's wedding date

Not at all, its just to let you know in case a clash would bother you. If you booked a holiday and then found out there was a wedding that you really wanted to be at.

BakeOffBiscuits · 11/02/2017 16:58

Grin Rag yes i would book your holiday as the priority and if means you can't go to the wedding, when you respond to the Invitation, tell a white lie and say you had already booked a holiday.

TheProblemOfSusan · 11/02/2017 17:02

Save the Dates are really, really useful. You can send them as soon as you know, like we did, then send the actual invites at your leisure without having to worry about your numbers in quite the same way, and you can then include lots more useful information in the invite.

You'll still have some cousins people who'll book holidays to Australia after they've received the Save the Date and then lie to you even though you know for actual fact that it's a lie and they definitely did it over the wedding date on purpose and then gush at you about how awful that they can't come and then even suggest that you should change the date for them. But you know, screw those people.

I love it when I get one, so much easier to plan - especially if you're having a wedding on an awkward day for us 9-5ers like a Friday. In that case you really need to tell people as soon as possible as so many more than usual will need an annual leave day, even when not travelling.

TheProblemOfSusan · 11/02/2017 17:05

Also, you don't have to obey the Save the Date - if it's not convenient it doesn't matter how early you find out, go ahead and book your hol if you don't mind missing it. You can't tear me away from weddings but that's just me. For my problem holiday booker it was all an attempt to cause drama - happily one sided as we didn't rise to it.

Leeah12 · 11/02/2017 17:06

It's her wedding so she can invite who she wants 😀

haveacupoftea · 11/02/2017 17:15

As PP have said, totally fine.

A girl at my work has her hen do booked for this May. The wedding is June 2018 Shock

Starlight2345 · 11/02/2017 17:17

I have never received a STD ..I don't really understand them either. I really have very few people I would prioritize a wedding over my holiday and would know the date without a bit of card...However I then am a bit stuffed between saying oh I didn't care enough about you to consider wanting to come to your wedding so just booked my holiday.