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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding Save the Dates AIBU. And inviting acquaintances?

76 replies

BriefParanoidNameChange · 10/02/2017 13:36

I feel in the middle of a storm of anxiety and I could really do with being told what's...normal, I suppose.
We got engaged last month, and will get married this summer. As it's holiday time, people might be booking holidays etc., I thought it would be good to fire out save the dates now, before we send out invitations in the post. Some of these I've just done over whatsapp, and I suddenly feel really awkward? Are save the dates in this time frame just weird?

Also, I have sent a couple to 2 women from church who I know slightly - we get on well enough when we see each other at church(maybe every month or so), I've met up with one of them for dinner just the two of us but only ever seen the other in groups. Now I feel so embarrassed - will they feel bemused to suddenly get a gushy save the date? Over familiar??

I'm so sorry for this annoying post, I'm just pretty stressed about it all, and there are family issues too which aren't helping. Thanks for reading..

OP posts:

Lelloteddy · 11/02/2017 17:19

Can't get past STD cards......

HappyFlappy · 11/02/2017 17:21

Save the dates are fine as long as you follow up with an invitation (which they can choose to accept or not).

It's very rude to send Save the Date and then not invite someone (you wouldn't believe the threads on here about that!)

rookiemere · 11/02/2017 17:28

STD cards are a great idea. I book our holidays about a year in advance due to having to go in school holidays and I guess other people may do as well or maybe I'm the only weirdo with all holidays booked already for 2017, therefore the more advance warning the better.

RebeccaCloud9 · 11/02/2017 17:43

at STD cards, STD info and (best of all) 'I have never received an STD'!

Original poster

BriefParanoidNameChange · 11/02/2017 17:44

Thanks all! I got a lot of really nice responses to my, er, STD whatsapps last night, and feel a lot more normal/relaxed. I don't want people to feel they are a summons...just want to be generally informative I suppose.

OP posts:

TinselTwins · 11/02/2017 17:46

Ragwort its an invite not a summons. It's no big deal, just decline.

Sara107 · 11/02/2017 17:46

I think it's fine. We got engaged + married ina similar?At time frame, and although 'save the date' wasn't really a thing then, we let everyone we wanted there know the date so they could plan their hols accordingly. We were married where we live which is not where either of us are from so all family were travelling. All of my siblings made the UK their main family holiday destination that summer, with our wedding incorporated along the way.

KoolKoala07 · 11/02/2017 17:52

Didn't bother with save the dates- just invites (which took me what felt like 300 years to handmake ).

diddl · 11/02/2017 18:01

We didn't send them out (Summer wedding) although it was a small wedding-just 60 guests & I think that word of mouth worked well enough in our case

As pp say, as long as people then get an invitation, why not?

And invite who you want to your wedding.

There are no rules (imo).

Congratulations!

meditrina · 11/02/2017 18:09

I'm not keen on STD cards because I think they are a waste of money.

Tipping off the people you really want there (in OP's case by whatsapp) seems very sensible, or you could do it the next time you talk to them. Or for family who you don't see often, email or letter. No need for special stationary.

TinselTwins · 11/02/2017 18:10

Cards work better for me than a mention in a chat because I can pin it on my notice board and then I don't forget to book it off.

YouWillNotSeeMe · 11/02/2017 18:35

Congratulations!
I think what you have done Is fine.
It's normal to invite people from your church group if it's something you are involved in.
I think Church sister is quiet because she secretly fancies your soon to be DH!

MotherofPearl · 11/02/2017 18:44

OP, try not to stress. I think it's perfectly normal to invite acquaintances and in the situation of your church group people, I'd be so pleased to be asked and feel rather well-liked, certainly not think 'oh what a weirdo', as you put it! Hope you have a lovely wedding.

anna1313 · 11/02/2017 19:12

Agree STD (email or text is fine) super useful for planning hols or work shifts etc and i just wish everyone was as considerate as you 😀

Original poster

BriefParanoidNameChange · 11/02/2017 19:50

I think Church sister is quiet because she secretly fancies your soon to be DH!

Heehee! No, honestly not! She replied last night saying she was delighted to be asked and very excited

OP posts:

Robin2008 · 11/02/2017 21:33

It's fine to send out save the dates. Don't worry about sending them to the sisters you know from church. I'm sure they'll be pleased (flattered even, maybe?) that they'll be invited to your wedding, even if you don't know them so well yet. Congratulations, relax, and enjoy your wedding!

Annie592 · 11/02/2017 23:05

If I got asked to a wedding of someone I didn't know that well but liked, I'd feel all warm and fuzzy and pleased! And you sound lovely! Congrats OP!

Foxylass · 12/02/2017 10:09

How thoughtful and lovely. Enjoy planning your day....

Congratulations 💐

BlondeBecky1983 · 12/02/2017 10:27

We sent save the dates 12 months in advance as we're having a December wedding and people book up early for Christmas.

aimeeandbaby · 12/02/2017 16:44

I honestly don't see the problem! Save the dates are a good way to allow people to be free for the even. If they don't want to go, I'm sure they'll decline. Congratulations by the way!

quietbatperson · 12/02/2017 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liliesandlilacs · 13/02/2017 08:00

Not sure about STDs. I think I do feel bemused when I get one because it feels a bit strange to me that someone is telling asking me to put that date in the diary quite far ahead in time in some cases. It seems pushy and presumptuous to me, but I guess there are other people who find it exciting to be able to look forward to the event.

I replied to a couple that I couldn't attend their wedding that they sent an STD for almost a year ahead and they were very, very offended. . To them, I think, it was pretty much a summons. Yet we were once sent an STD from someone who knows OH as an acquaintance rather than a friend, so maybe it's not always family and close friends who use them?

I think they are not a good thing because someone is trying to take away the element of choice in whether I attend, which is dependant on other factors, and is way too needy. So yeah, bemused.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/02/2017 08:07

You've been VERY lucky to get a venue at such short notice!

Not really. My SIL looked at 5 popular venues last month for a summer wedding. All had vacancies.

Babbaganush · 13/02/2017 08:30

Op you are overthinking this and getting stressed for nothing!

Relationships within church groups tend to be different from those of say a fitness class or club you might attend. DH and I asked quite a few of our church group to our wedding despite not knowing them for long, most came and it was lovely, (we didn't marry in the church we regularly attended but at family church in nearby town where both families live).

Original poster

BriefParanoidNameChange · 13/02/2017 09:30

I am quite needy liliesandlilacs

OP posts:

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