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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find facebook depressing?

67 replies

Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 09:42

I've just flicked through a few pages, and now feel crap and lonely, even though I actually have a nice life.

I don't post very often, but I put something on yesterday, got lots of 'likes' but then realised that no one from work 'liked' the post, so I''m now feeling a touch uneasy, even though I only posted about a very innocuous family occasion. But yet again, FB has managed to make me paranoid!

I don't want to bin it totally, as quite a few groups I''m involved in are organised via FB, and it's a good way to keep in touch with people.

But I can't be the only person who feels inadequate and unpopular after reading FB?

OP posts:
nokidshere · 29/01/2017 09:50

No you are not alone, so many people I know feel the same. Personally I just don't get it.

FB for me is a bit of a fun way to see what people are up to and keep in touch with friends and family. I don't even read most of the stuff that comes up on the feed. I mean we all know by now surely that people don't really have lives like that? It's a tiny snapshot of the better parts of people's lives. I can be chatting to a friend of mine who rants about her husband and how stressed she is etc etc but her status will read "Love my life" or some other such drivel.

I skip through it clicking like on statuses that I haven't really read and only post innocuous stuff about trivia.

It's not real life, don't be taken in by it all.

Original poster
Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 09:57

So glad it's not just me! I find it hard to make friends, but have finally cultivated and maintained a small but very positive group of friends. But everyone on FB seems effortlessly popular!

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 29/01/2017 09:58

Facebook makes me laugh. Just use it for what you want to use it for and then don't give it a second thought. In the nicest possible way, nobody from work is probably all that interested in your family occasion. It doesn't mean they don't like you....it's just that they don't know your Auntie Mary and your cousin Jim, so they just aren't that bothered that you had lunch with them yesterday. (On the flip side, people who do know Mary and Jim will be pleased to see you all together!)

I was having this conversation with a friend the other day. We had gone for a coffee. Another friend, if she is with me, will always post on Facebook....and it drives me mad. As I see it, there are three groups of people:

  1. People who know me but don't know my friend Sue. They are therefore likely to be completely uninterested in the fact that Sue and I have had a coffee together.
  2. People who know Sue and don't know me. Also no likely interest in our coffee.
  3. People who know me and know Sue. They may be mildly interested....but are also potentially pissed off that we didn't ask them to come for coffee (and are also maybe worrying that they are unpopular because of lack of invitation....whereas actually I'd just bumped into Sue in the bank and we decided to go and grab a quick cappuccino as we had time before school pickup).

Facebook is and can be a great way to keep up with people you otherwise wouldn't manage to. I'd say use it for that.....but please don't overthink it.

NavyandWhite · 29/01/2017 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 10:03

Fab post Natalia! I''m now wondering why I wasn't invited to join you and Sue for coffee!!!!

OP posts:
MsGameandWatch · 29/01/2017 10:05

I took January off, just want back to it a day or two ago. I loved being off it but there are a few people on there who I love and we have a little group where we put the world to rights. That's the only reason I felt motivated to go back.

x2boys · 29/01/2017 10:12

i dont use facebook to post inane thoughts on i use it because my childs disabled and all the local charities for childsren with disabillities near me have facebook pages and advertise activities on them also when he was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder and i was worried sick as i had no info facebook was invaluable as i found groups on facebook with parents that had children with the same or similar disorders

BeansMcCready · 29/01/2017 10:13

Dry January here too! I feel liberated with no Facebook, I might not go back!

OuchBollocks · 29/01/2017 10:16

I'm in a very small minority on MN because I rather like Facebook. I enjoy the inane updates on people's lives, the holiday photos etc. I like knowing when people have got engaged and had babies. There are bargains to be had in the selling groups, and useful private and local groups with good information. It was also an easy way of telling almost everyone I know when I ended up in hospital without having to text people.

Magzmarsh · 29/01/2017 10:18

I barely used it so deactivated it and didn't miss it at all. It's widely known it can contribute to anxiety, depression and feeling paranoid. I just found it boring and false.

Original poster
Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 10:50

I''m so glad I posted, the responses have reassured me.

OP posts:
grounddown · 29/01/2017 10:55

I felt awful when reading Facebook too. I've been Facebook free for a year now, I've found out who my real friends are....I'm much happier and care much less about what people think of me.

Witchend · 29/01/2017 10:59

I find people I have liked/remarked on tend to come up at the top of my feed. if you don't post often then your post probably very quickly dropped off most people's top few and so they never saw it.

I like keeping in touch and hearing about people's achievements (and sometimes frustrations) but I don't have anyone who's very stereotypical.
The only one I do have is someone who I know very well and is very down to earth, don't be fussy type person and always has been, does from time to time do the:
"Oh we've had such a wonderful morning doing X #makingmemories #familytime #feelingblessed"
and tends to overemphasis achievements that aren't actually that good (and then clearly gets miffed they don't get gushing replies), but doesn't put on really good achievements, which I find odd.
I'm never quite sure whether they do this because they think that's how fb works so they should do it that way, or whether they would like to be that way but aren't.
I do sometime wonder whether saying something about how they come across would be helpful (they're not very socially aware) but I can't really think how I could, so I leave it, and then I feel bad because they clearly think they're being ignored.

ClopySow · 29/01/2017 11:05

I've spent the last 18 months having a dislike/hate relationship with FB. I deactivate my account and go back for a look after a few months, it takes no more than a few days to deactivate again. It's a hateful place.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 29/01/2017 11:05

I am with ouchbollocks ...I love it generally...main thing that pees me off are the ads and the occasional "chum" that turns into a shitwit with their posting of memes/lost dogs/like this for xyz ...but that's soon dealt with. ;)

I think that if you are over analysing it to the extent that it's making you anxious then maybe you should prune it right back to the bare essentials for you and just use the group pages and message/keep in touch aspect.

Crispsheets · 29/01/2017 11:08

I enjoy it but then I don't have idiots for friends.

KoolKoala07 · 29/01/2017 11:10

I felt exactly the same. I too have a lovely life but felt naff after another time wasting session on Facebook. Deactivated my account a couple of weeks ago and actually feel happier because I'm not comparing my self and my life to everyone else's. I won't knock Facebook cos it's great for staying in touch but I need a break from it.

Original poster
Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 11:41

So a decision has been made: with immediate effect I'm avoiding FB, with the exception of the group activity pages and our village FB site (which is generally "what time does the post office open" and "is the church fete still happening this year").

No point in torturing myself unnecessarily, life's too short.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 29/01/2017 11:47

Life is too short. You say you have a small group of close and supportive friends? That's wonderful. That's what most people wish they had. And it's far, far more valuable than having 2,399 Facebook "friends" with whom you only ever communicate over a "like" button. Sounds like a good call if it's getting you down. (And you are welcome to join me for a coffee with Sue any time!!)

Original poster
Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 11:52

..... and if ever meet up with Sue in your absence, I promise not to post it on FB ......... !!

OP posts:
LunaLoveg00d · 29/01/2017 12:01

I like Facebook too - but I don't have people I don't know, or only know vaguely. My Facebook friends are the same people as my real friends. If you're daft enough to have someone you were at school with aged 5 and haven't seen since, or random work colleagues from years ago then you are far more likely to get the annoying status updates.

I do have one real friend who constantly posts those positive thinking or life-affirming memes so I hid her status updates.

beanfilledfish · 29/01/2017 12:04

i don't really 'like' work mates family pics i would think they would think i was stalking them Grin

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/01/2017 13:02

I use it for professional purposes. But it still makes me feel like the shittiest person at doing what I do - everyone else is paid more, has a better time doing it, more family support and more of a public following.

So I try to skim and just 'like' friends' posts as a supportive gesture. Because otherwise I'd cry.

Original poster
Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 13:12

I''m amazed that so many people have the same issue with FB - it seems to make lots of us feel rubbish.

OP posts:
YouHadMeAtCake · 29/01/2017 13:19

Beans me too! Definitely liberating.

I know what you mean OP. I decided also that it was taking up way too much of my time.I haven't deleted my account but I have removed the apps. I thought I would miss it but I don't, at all. It's still there but I cant be bothered to look. I was also starting to dislike people who in real life I like, because of their facebook personas. It is a nice feeling, not being on it I must admit.

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